are there any women out there who appreciate direct guys

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alien91
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27 Sep 2012, 4:15 pm

hey everyone, i'm new to this site. my question is are there any women out there who appreciate the directness of a guy with aspergers? my experience has been that they dont, because whenever i'm open and candid about my feelings for them they always seem to run away,even if things were going great beforehand. i notice alot of people my age (early 20s or late teens) enjoy mind games and mystery and subtle flirtation, why is it wrong to be open and just say exactly whats on your mind? when i pursue a girl i always have a serious relationship in mind and i make my intentions known. but it always seems to scare them away. my mom even told me that i should never let a girl know how i feel about her right away, she says i should wait atleast a month or two, but that would torture to me! i need to know where things stand in order to feel secure, i dont want to be spending alot of time with a girl and not know how she feels about me, only to be crushed when it turns out she doesnt feel the same way. can anybody else with aspergers relate to this?



WontGiveUp
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27 Sep 2012, 7:52 pm

alien91 wrote:
hey everyone, i'm new to this site. my question is are there any women out there who appreciate the directness of a guy with aspergers? my experience has been that they dont, because whenever i'm open and candid about my feelings for them they always seem to run away,even if things were going great beforehand. i notice alot of people my age (early 20s or late teens) enjoy mind games and mystery and subtle flirtation, why is it wrong to be open and just say exactly whats on your mind? when i pursue a girl i always have a serious relationship in mind and i make my intentions known. but it always seems to scare them away. my mom even told me that i should never let a girl know how i feel about her right away, she says i should wait atleast a month or two, but that would torture to me! i need to know where things stand in order to feel secure, i dont want to be spending alot of time with a girl and not know how she feels about me, only to be crushed when it turns out she doesnt feel the same way. can anybody else with aspergers relate to this?


I absolutely appreciate it! Unfortunately, since the majority of guys like to play games, you run the risk of being interpreted as being insincere and perhaps playing them. It's crappy that's the way the world works these days. Personally, I believe if you have feelings for someone you should tell them because tomorrow is guaranteed to nobody.


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dobrolvr
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27 Sep 2012, 8:26 pm

I'd appreciate it if a guy were direct like that with me. I, like you, need to know what others are thinking in situations such as that. However, if, for example, you tell someone you love them on the first date, that may come off as a little too strong for most people. I just think it's all in how you go about it. In some situations, directness can be perceived as good, while in others it may not be.



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27 Sep 2012, 11:41 pm

20 years ago, I remember a female roommate who was able to vocalize what was different about me. She found it refreshing to be around someone who was simply direct and honest....... for a while. After some months, she was getting very annoyed that I said my mind instead of "playing the game" that apparently everyone else in the world plays.



Evy7
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28 Sep 2012, 12:19 am

I think because once the mystery about each other is out...people tend to get bored and rather go away.



WontGiveUp
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28 Sep 2012, 8:58 am

BlueMax wrote:
After some months, she was getting very annoyed that I said my mind instead of "playing the game" that apparently everyone else in the world plays.


Did you perhaps unintentionally hurt her feelings by being honest and direct? I think it's a slippery slope between being direct and honest and hurting someone's feelings. Sometimes, 100% disclosure is not the right thing to do. Just a thought.....


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Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food"
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28 Sep 2012, 12:19 pm

I like the idea of directness. I wouldn't have a problem with a guy telling me he'd like me to be his girlfriend or go on a date. But saying "I love you" on the first date is not a good idea. Real love is something that has to develop over time. It's something that is created by mutual sharing.


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BlueMax
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28 Sep 2012, 12:41 pm

WontGiveUp wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
After some months, she was getting very annoyed that I said my mind instead of "playing the game" that apparently everyone else in the world plays.


Did you perhaps unintentionally hurt her feelings by being honest and direct? I think it's a slippery slope between being direct and honest and hurting someone's feelings. Sometimes, 100% disclosure is not the right thing to do. Just a thought.....


Well, we're talking about the difference between 18 and 38 so, yes, there's the distinct possibility of that. :oops: (We weren't a couple... we were a house full of late teens teamed up to make rent affordable.) And yes - sometimes I probably said some really stupid things due to zero filtering. I'm a little better now... maybe at the level "normals" were 20 years ago. ;)



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Sep 2012, 12:49 pm

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WontGiveUp
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28 Sep 2012, 1:19 pm

BlueMax wrote:
WontGiveUp wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
After some months, she was getting very annoyed that I said my mind instead of "playing the game" that apparently everyone else in the world plays.


Did you perhaps unintentionally hurt her feelings by being honest and direct? I think it's a slippery slope between being direct and honest and hurting someone's feelings. Sometimes, 100% disclosure is not the right thing to do. Just a thought.....


Well, we're talking about the difference between 18 and 38 so, yes, there's the distinct possibility of that. :oops: (We weren't a couple... we were a house full of late teens teamed up to make rent affordable.) And yes - sometimes I probably said some really stupid things due to zero filtering. I'm a little better now... maybe at the level "normals" were 20 years ago. ;)


BlueMax - you mean you have changed in 20 years??! !?? LOL :lol: If only we could relive certain aspects of our 20's knowing what we know now! Imagine how different life would be....... :)


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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

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alien91
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28 Sep 2012, 1:46 pm

I agree that's its not wise to tell someone you love them right away, but I don't see a problem with letting them know you really like them. I personally know right away whether or not I want an exclusive relationship with someone and act accordingly.I don't like all the deception and mindgames and modern dating, its an everyday occurrence to hear a girl or guy say" well we're kinda dating but I'm not sure how he/ she feels about." it shouldn't be like that in my opinion, everything should be out in the open. the mysterious route leads to heartbreak sometimes because you may think they have feelings for you but suddenly they drop the "I don't have feelings for you or I only see you as a friend" bomb on ya, this is why its best to be direct and out in the open.



alien91
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28 Sep 2012, 1:47 pm

I agree that's its not wise to tell someone you love them right away, but I don't see a problem with letting them know you really like them. I personally know right away whether or not I want an exclusive relationship with someone and act accordingly.I don't like all the deception and mindgames of modern dating, its an everyday occurrence to hear a girl or guy say" well we're kinda dating but I'm not sure how he/ she feels about me." it shouldn't be like that in my opinion, everything should be out in the open. the mysterious route leads to heartbreak sometimes because you may think they have feelings for you but suddenly they drop the "I don't have feelings for you or I only see you as a friend" bomb on ya, this is why its best to be direct and out in the open.



Last edited by alien91 on 28 Sep 2012, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BlueMax
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28 Sep 2012, 1:48 pm

WontGiveUp wrote:
BlueMax - you mean you have changed in 20 years??! !?? LOL :lol: If only we could relive certain aspects of our 20's knowing what we know now! Imagine how different life would be....... :)


Some do, some don't... I'm definitely not the sex-craved animal I was then! (Now I'm just a love-starved animal!) :D



WontGiveUp
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28 Sep 2012, 2:42 pm

BlueMax wrote:
WontGiveUp wrote:
BlueMax - you mean you have changed in 20 years??! !?? LOL :lol: If only we could relive certain aspects of our 20's knowing what we know now! Imagine how different life would be....... :)


Some do, some don't... I'm definitely not the sex-craved animal I was then! (Now I'm just a love-starved animal!) :D



No way! You shouldn't be love starved! You seem like a good catch. Hope that changes for you real soon! :)


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Your Aspie score: 104 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food"
-Hippocrates


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28 Sep 2012, 8:09 pm

In my experience Aspie girls are generally alot more likely to appreciate directness than a random NT one. My 2nd girlfriend who was very likely & Aspie & my current one who's possibly an Aspie or at least she has some Aspie traits were/are alot more direct than other girls I've known with general conversation & within our relationship. I unintentionally offended or screwed up with most every NT girl I made a move on because I was too direct or said the wrong thing or something. My 2nc ex & current kind of made the 1st move on here after seeing some of my post.


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WantToHaveALife
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30 Sep 2012, 12:14 pm

alien91 wrote:
hey everyone, i'm new to this site. my question is are there any women out there who appreciate the directness of a guy with aspergers? my experience has been that they dont, because whenever i'm open and candid about my feelings for them they always seem to run away,even if things were going great beforehand. i notice alot of people my age (early 20s or late teens) enjoy mind games and mystery and subtle flirtation, why is it wrong to be open and just say exactly whats on your mind? when i pursue a girl i always have a serious relationship in mind and i make my intentions known. but it always seems to scare them away. my mom even told me that i should never let a girl know how i feel about her right away, she says i should wait atleast a month or two, but that would torture to me! i need to know where things stand in order to feel secure, i dont want to be spending alot of time with a girl and not know how she feels about me, only to be crushed when it turns out she doesnt feel the same way. can anybody else with aspergers relate to this?


well most girls never approach guys unfortuneately