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vortex
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29 Sep 2012, 11:30 pm

I think I'm pretty good at "reading between the lines" and things like that. I've heard I tend to sometimes take jokes literally though. I know I often don't get things such as sarcasm etc (unless it's exaggerated). Also, when people say things like "I'll see you at 8pm" or something, I expect to see them at 8. Not at 8.15 or 7.55 etc. At 8.00.

Anyway, I saw my GP on Monday (6 days ago) and when I was leaving she said that I'd know by the end of the week what she's decided to do (it was about my mental health). So, on Friday (which is the end of the "work week") I was waiting by the mobile phone the whole day. I was careful not to leave it in my room if I went to the kitchen, I made sure I could hear it at all times etc. My GP never called. If she said she was going to call by the end of the week, shouldn't she have called on Friday? I'm a bit disappointed. I expect this is something most people would take quite literally (NTs as well) but am I taking this too literally? It just really bothers me when people say they're going to do something and then they don't.

What do you think?



Mirror21
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29 Sep 2012, 11:45 pm

I do that, quite a bit. I missed a call from my SNAP worker last month because she only let the phone ring twice. I finally got in touch with her, after three weeks of calling and two visits to the snap office and she said she would call me "such and such day" at 11 am. she did not call until noon by then i was in a panic.



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29 Sep 2012, 11:48 pm

I would say yes. I have learned over time that when people say at a certain time, don't expect it at that exact time. It's hard to arrive somewhere on the nose because no one is that predictable. So I think "around that time" so it could be five minutes early or late or ten minutes late. I expect a phone call if they are going to be more than 10 minutes late. I still get mad when people say we are leaving at a certain time and then we don't. I keep taking it literal. Mom had to learn to say "around that time." My husband has learned when he says we are leaving at a certain time, we better leave at that time or I get very upset.

For me the end of the week is Saturday because it's the end of the week. Unless they are closed on the weekends, then I assume Friday. But when doctors don't do as they said they would, I just assume they got behind or someone else was slow so it made them be slow too.

I still take things literal but I usually figure out afterwards I took it literal.


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vortex
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29 Sep 2012, 11:54 pm

League_Girl wrote:
It's hard to arrive somewhere on the nose because no one is that predictable.


I'm that predictable. If someone says I can come over at 8pm I don't knock on the door until 8pm. I hate being late so I never am. Instead I'm early. So I might arrive at 7.50 but I won't knock on the door until 8 sharp. Because that's the time we agreed on.

League_Girl wrote:
For me the end of the week is Saturday because it's the end of the week. Unless they are closed on the weekends, then I assume Friday. But when doctors don't do as they said they would, I just assume they got behind or someone else was slow so it made them be slow too.

I still take things literal but I usually figure out afterwards I took it literal.


Well, the clinic (or whatever it's called) is closed on weekends so I assumed Friday.



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30 Sep 2012, 12:46 am

Yes you are......I do this too.



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30 Sep 2012, 1:22 am

Oh i don't seem to have that problem when i go somewhere for an appointment which is usually with my current therapist, she's always on time around the time we made an appointment :o But i'm getting transfered and getting a new therapist so i don't know if he's ever going to be on time xD I'm just going to do the things i usually do because he does house visits instead of me going there because its too far and its a too scary place for me, even my mom was pretty high strung there :x I mean its not like the walls are covered in blood, but a lot of people come there for help and they also have people living on the terrain there, and they are usually too unpredictable for me.



vortex
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30 Sep 2012, 1:40 am

daydreamer84 wrote:
Yes you are......I do this too.


I just don't get it. Why would people say they're going to do something and then not do it? Or why would people say things like "email me" or "call me" but then not really want you to email them or call them (I've learned that the hard way)? I don't understand it and it really frustrates me.

Also, do NTs have problems with this? I don't know if I'm NT or not.



chiastic_slide
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30 Sep 2012, 2:23 am

I agree it is baffling why they don't just say hopefully I will ring you by time X, then at least you would know there is a chance they may not. I think a G.P. should be a bit more aware. However there is a chance they may have genuinely intended to ring but got called to an emergency or somthing.



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30 Sep 2012, 3:02 am

When my occupational therapist says "I'll see you at 14:30 for our next appointment", then if she arrives at 14:35, I feel agitated and I have often said "you're late" to her.

I take things VERY literally.


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vortex
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30 Sep 2012, 3:04 am

SteelMaiden wrote:
When my occupational therapist says "I'll see you at 14:30 for our next appointment", then if she arrives at 14:35, I feel agitated and I have often said "you're late" to her.

I take things VERY literally.


I honestly don't even see how someone saying "I'll see you at 14:30" could mean anything but that exact time.



SteelMaiden
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30 Sep 2012, 3:11 am

vortex wrote:
I honestly don't even see how someone saying "I'll see you at 14:30" could mean anything but that exact time.


Agreed.


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Who_Am_I
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30 Sep 2012, 6:35 am

SteelMaiden wrote:
vortex wrote:
I honestly don't even see how someone saying "I'll see you at 14:30" could mean anything but that exact time.


Agreed.


Your watches may not be perfectly synchronised, for a start.
Or they may get caught in traffic.
Or their train could be delayed for some reason.


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Filipendula
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30 Sep 2012, 8:24 am

I think I see this slightly differently now since I started confronting a colleague of mine who does this sort of thing all the time. I've tried to explain my analysis and conclusion below (also with bold bits for those who don't want to read the whole thing, but I'm not sure how much it's helped):

Basically, the doctor said "by the end of the week". This doesn't literally mean Friday because 'end of week' is a stretchy concept as pointed out already, but we can definitely interpret that the doctor is literally promising to contact you any time up to and within 1 week if you use the most flexible measure.

People make these sorts of promises all the time.

I think it's not so much that you're wrong to take their promise literally, but that you have overly strong faith in their promise.

Because people also break these sorts of promises all the time.

I think most people on WP take pride in meaning what they say and saying what they mean. So if we promise to be somewhere at a certain time we difinitely do it and we'd feel really stressed out if we failed. However, my colleague will routinely promise punctuality and will, just as routinely, fail to live up to her promised schedule. It drives me nuts at work, especially if she makes me late for something too. So I told her how much that stresses me out. Note that she told me it stresses her out too. Obviously it doesn't stress her out enough or she'd try harder to prevent it.

But what I learned from that is that whatever time she promises to be somewhere, she does mean it literally, but that still doesn't stop her from being late. I just don't think it means so much to NTs. They don't have the same drive for planning or routine. They're less likely to suffer a fear of failure. They know how to let someone down politely and not lose friendships over it because they'll convey the apology in a suitably self deprecating way so that they are easily forgiven. There's more of a 'live and let live' attitude in that sense because all NTs know that one day it'll be them who's late so there has to be some give and take. In contrast I'm guessing many Aspies will go out of their way to avoid being late by arriving somewhere 2 hours early and walking round the block for ages. I suppose if you're never in the position of being forgiven by someone for being late, you'd never learn what it is to forgive someone else for the same thing in return.

Could this make sense?


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onks
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30 Sep 2012, 8:43 am

vortex wrote:
I think I'm pretty good at "reading between the lines" and things like that. I've heard I tend to sometimes take jokes literally though. I know I often don't get things such as sarcasm etc (unless it's exaggerated). Also, when people say things like "I'll see you at 8pm" or something, I expect to see them at 8. Not at 8.15 or 7.55 etc. At 8.00.

Anyway, I saw my GP on Monday (6 days ago) and when I was leaving she said that I'd know by the end of the week what she's decided to do (it was about my mental health). So, on Friday (which is the end of the "work week") I was waiting by the mobile phone the whole day. I was careful not to leave it in my room if I went to the kitchen, I made sure I could hear it at all times etc. My GP never called. If she said she was going to call by the end of the week, shouldn't she have called on Friday? I'm a bit disappointed. I expect this is something most people would take quite literally (NTs as well) but am I taking this too literally? It just really bothers me when people say they're going to do something and then they don't.

What do you think?



I would say so: She promised to call you anytime in the week but obviously she forgot it or had too much to do.
Pretty normal nowadays. If you expect anything to happen now, you'll have to phone her and say something like that if she had decided already because she promised you to answer within one week.

The interpretation you did was right. But people nowadays promise more than what they can hold or they just forget.
Email is in that sense very bad because you dont have to even answer them.
If you phone them then you know straightaway.

You did not take this too literally. One week is one week, but actually not exactly friday but all the days



onks
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30 Sep 2012, 8:50 am

daydreamer84 wrote:
Yes you are......I do this too.


Eehm.

In this case I find it hard to believe that "a week" is two weeks or a month

"within about a week" "within a week or so"
means that there is no serious relation to deadlines

"within a week" means all days until a week has passed.
GPs know that their patients rely on them and that there is no such free room for promising something.

They forget things as we do. Or then I guess this decision was difficult and got lost somewhere



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30 Sep 2012, 9:08 am

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