How do romantic relationships usually form?

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As the tittle says, how do romantic relationships usually form? I'm looking for a detailed answer, and not some emotionally-loaded nonsense about how acting the way you think is right is the most important, and how "being yourself" is the top priority. I have no idea how to act in this situation, and I also have no idea what "being yourself" even means - I don't have a sense of identity, and I've never had one.

Could you please give me some concrete examples as to how the average relationship usually forms? Are both actors usually friends, and do they usually need to be friends to form a romantic relationship? How often do they usually talk to each other? I'm looking for a specific set of socially accepted actions, and not for some general informal advice.

And what role does "flirting" play in this all? And what exactly is flirting?

Impulse, although I'm currently in a good relationship and have been for twelve years, I'm just as aspie as anybody here, and my experiences with women are necessarily limited.

Having said this, in my experience it is the man who pursues and the woman who accepts or rejects the man's advances. Of course, since none of us like rejection, it helps a lot to be able to tell if a woman is potentially interested. All I can tell you on this account is that if you pay really close attention, a woman who is interested will give you glances that are more than casual. And if you make eye contact, your eyes may meet for a moment, but then she will look away to give you an opportunity to take a closer look at her. I understand there are more subtle cues, but that's where I get lost; I can only deal with the obvious and evident.

As far as what it takes to make a relationship work, that depends on the woman. Usually, the initial attraction is physical for both sexes; a woman sees something about you that interests her, and as far as men go--well, we all know what a man wants:)

What keeps a woman--and a man--interested is personality. Animal magnetism will only carry a relationship so far. I was aloof and hard-to-get simply because that's who I am, and that's obviously what she wanted. Your mileage will almost certainly vary, as all women are different.

So, as far as flirting goes, that's something I never was any good at; small talk drives me up the wall. I either have something to say, or my mouth is shut. I can't give you advice on that one, but it is part of normal human mating behavior. The one thing I will caution you on is that when she complains about something, do NOT try to fix her problems. It will almost certainly be the case that she's only looking for a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. Give this to her, and you will be far ahead.

The one thing I would strongly caution against is misrepresenting yourself or being other than who you are. My brother, who was as as socially adept as I am socially awkward, made this mistake. The girl married him, found out he wasn't who she thought he was, and he was locked into a miserable marriage until the day he died. So, my advice to you is to put your best foot forward while still being yourself.

I believe "flirting" comes natural to some people. From how I see it, it's a game that people start without formally saying that it did. It's being a little too forward, and being a little more comfortable with the person than is socially acceptable. It's challenging the person by always having something to say. It's implying intentions without overtly stating it. Most importantly, it's inciting an emotional response, whether it be positive or negative, that the other person will eventually associate with the conversation with you. An emotionally-charged and stimulating conversation is what builds sexual tension, and that is flirting from how I understand it.

The problem is flirting is a lot more than talk. They say communication is 93% nonverbal, and a lot of stuff gets lost in translation when you are inept at it. My attempts at flirting makes it seem like I am trying too hard, and apparently flirting should be effortless or else it loses its effects. The best results that I have ever acquired were ones where I was myself (i.e. not talking or attempting to flirt at all).

One usually falls in love with the other?

A relationship can't start unless, at the very least, one person is able to fall for the other. How to go along with that, I don't know. Maybe try repeating the fact that you love someone (Regardless of if it's true or not) in your head, to condition your brain into thinking so? So that it might develop into an actual love later?

The steps aren't set in stone but usually follow a route whereby the person will show they are interested in the other person by smiling at them, seeking opportunities to talk to them; generally showing them that they like them a lot and are very interested in what they have to say.

At some point there is usually an attempt, usually by the man to touch the woman very subtly - it's the touch test - it will be something as simple as handing something over to the person and they make physical contact then they do it as their fingers touch briefly. It has to be very subtle ie it can be seen as accidental very brief physical contact, but what it is doing is testing whether the other person is aversive to physical contact from them or not. If the other person rapidly pulls their hand away (or whatever part is touched) ie they show they don't like the contact then that is a stop sign ie the person isn't interested in making physical contact. Obviously though you can get people who are averse to this kind of 'accidental' contact but still want a relationship so this test isn't accurate for them.

This touch test has to be exceedingly subtle and can only be contact that can be construed as accidental; otherwise it can be seen as harassment/assault - hopefully people understand what I mean.

Once it has been established that the person isn't touch aversive to you then a person might seek opportunities to spend time with the other person either to just chat, go somewhere like the cinema ie a date type thing or out with a group of friends or they might engineer an opportunity whereby they can spend time alone with them at their house or the other person's house and try to initiate kissing etc. It all has to be played by ear though ie a person doesn't go to a further stage until it is clear that the other person is ok with it/feels the same way.

There's no timeline for each stage - it has to go at the speed that both people feel comfortable with.

Some people might make eye contact across a crowded bar and know instantly that they are attracted to each other and then go straight off and have sex whereas others might recognise they are attracted to each other but spend a long time plucking up the courage to even talk to the other person and things take a lot longer to reach the physical intimacy stage (if it happens at all as some people just aren't interested in sex and might just want affection or a close friendship)

The librarian gave a pretty solid post.
I think, as stated, a lot of it is circumstantial.
There are no "steps".
You can have firm idea of what you're going to do and it can still blow up in your face.
It's a lot like diffusing a bomb, it is...
You can't be too persistent, but at the same time can't be too aloof...
Smile. None of that big toothy grin crap either.
I've found that brief eye-contact, a dapper smirk, and short but sweet words will get you to the point you can start to get to know the partner.
At least as a man.
In order to get into a relationship these days, a lot of it is that Facebook and Twitter non-sense.
People don't ask for numbers. They just look you up.
That chatbox down in the corner could be your chance to set-up a date.
And if all goes well you might get a second, and another, and so-on until you're ready to show each other your home.
That's a pretty intimate thing, right there.
It's where you live and dwell and do all your stuff.
Once you've hung out enough you might be ready to introduce her to your friends, and then eventually your family.
That is essentially how I've seen most relationships start.
Of course it's subjective.
Some people meet each other in crazy outlandish ways.
The main thing is to move on.
There is no "one". If she's not interested, move the hell on to the next one.
It's strength in numbers. The more women you talk to, the more chance one will be interested in what you're bringing to the table...
I haven't been with anyone with years. I should take my own advice.

That is precisely the problem. There are no lines. If there are, they are very vague. Unfortunately we tend to look for these lines.

As far as I know the line is when you sign a contract. When you change your "Relationship Status" on Facebook.

I could never manage to get one to accept my advance, e.g asking them out on a date. They would either say yes and then cancel 30min before actual meeting. Or just show me their ring finger, their fiancée is waiting outside or have a boyfriend or just laugh in my face.

The only 2 relationships I had in my life was both initiated by them. I just said yes all the way. Like they would ask are we now boyfriend/girlfriend then I would say yes

Everybody is different, and therefore there's no specific list of things you can do to achieve an objective, because they'll always be different for each person and there's no way to know how. If there were, I think we'd all be a lot more successful in these areas, but it would also assume that everyone was equally compatible, which obviously isn't the case.

Being yourself means not trying to change your personality to achieve a specific aim. For example, if you like classical music and bicycling, but dislike country music and Jersey Shore, you don't want to act like you like Jersey Shore and dislike classical music because that's what a girl likes. Sure, it may help to attract her immediately, but if you DID get into a relationship then chances are you'll get tired of watching Jersey Shore with her and listening to country music, and the relationship isn't going to work out because you found someone that was incompatible with you based on lying about who you really are.

So being yourself is really about being honest about who you are and your likes/dislikes, that way when you ARE compatible with someone it's likely to go really well. People always search for shortcuts with tricks and techniques to get more women, and that's fine when it comes to meeting them, but advice for dating ALWAYS comes back to this, it really is the wisest advice to follow. Focus less on the end result of finding a relationship and focus more on meeting people who may share similar interests, and chances are you're bound to find someone compatible(remember, because of an equal male/female ratio, for every single guy there's a single gal out there).

And I'm aware that the rules of dating are usually not well-defined. However, I'm sure it's possible to synthesize at least something that resembles an approximation.

Since I'm a loner, everyone would be a stranger. But those that I did ask, were those that I have met a couple of times and exchanged a few words like greetings and what I could find common to talk about at the time.

Appropriate? Probably not as they were trying to do their job?

Otherwise it is just going back to my cave.