Do you care about people's feelings caused by what you say?

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btbnnyr
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07 Oct 2012, 4:29 pm

I don't. I say what I think without taking into account people's feelings. If I come to know that I hurt someone's feelings by what I said, then I don't really care about that. I just don't get the feeling of caring about people's feelings, including the ones that I have hurt. I don't really get hurt feelings myself either.



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07 Oct 2012, 4:31 pm

Yes, I do.



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07 Oct 2012, 4:38 pm

I feel really bad about it when i do something wrong, which doesn't keep me from doing the same mistakes OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Does it go together with having Asperger's?


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07 Oct 2012, 4:58 pm

Yes. I don't ever intend to offend anyone. I always keep my mouth shut if I fear of offending someone.


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07 Oct 2012, 4:58 pm

It does bother me.

Sometimes I say the wrong thing by accident and when I realise I feel bad about it. But I know that mistakes like this happen and I try and say sorry to the person that I might have upset. I would feel hurt if someone said something unkind to me, but I would understand if they did it by mistake and wouldn't blame them. I think if you felt hurt you might feel differently, but it's hard for you to sympathise with something you have never experienced.



CockneyRebel
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07 Oct 2012, 5:03 pm

Being the highly sensitive soul that I am, I do care about the impact that my words have on other people's feelings. I make a conscious effort not to use words or talk to others in a way that will hurt them, because I'd others to do the same for me.


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MiLK
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07 Oct 2012, 5:08 pm

Absolutely. I can't think of anything worse than hurting somebody else. That being said, if something just needs to be said such as criticism or when someone crosses my personal boundaries, then I just must say it.


btbnnyr wrote:
I don't. I say what I think without taking into account people's feelings. If I come to know that I hurt someone's feelings by what I said, then I don't really care about that. I just don't get the feeling of caring about people's feelings, including the ones that I have hurt. I don't really get hurt feelings myself either.



Why is that? Is there something going on in your life that makes you care less about other people's feelings?



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07 Oct 2012, 5:12 pm

I worry if what I say hurts a person-I have met others that feel hurt and others that just say things with considering what is being said-it has happened to me over many many years and it hurt no less as the years go by. I can't sleep if I feel I have hurt someone-it troubles me deeply.


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CyclopsSummers
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07 Oct 2012, 5:14 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I don't. I say what I think without taking into account people's feelings. If I come to know that I hurt someone's feelings by what I said, then I don't really care about that. I just don't get the feeling of caring about people's feelings, including the ones that I have hurt. I don't really get hurt feelings myself either.


Gotta say I'm surprised about this.

Even though you don't experience the emotions that are usually associated with realising that you've hurt someone else's feelings, or feel hurt yourself when someone says something that would have hurt anyone else, do you attempt to repair the 'damage' that's been done subsequently, for example by apologising, explaining or rationalising, if only to smoothen things out so you don't get the hassle that tends to follow social faux pas in general?

This isn't criticism as much as it is an attempt at comparing notes, as I have found myself in situations where I feel no emotion when I've apparently wronged someone with my words, and then found myself urged to attempt to normalise the relations between myself and the person who was hurt, in order to avoid problems in the future.

On the other hand, I have felt upset upon hurting the feelings of people I otherwise got along with fine, which happened either inadvertently or in a fit of heated emotions, so with me it really depends on the person in front of me.


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btbnnyr
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07 Oct 2012, 5:22 pm

I don't recognize social faux pas well, so I usually can't repair them either. I don't feel bad about hurting people's feelings. In my mind, it's like I would feel bad if I fell on them and broke their leg, so I care about their physical feelings and body parts, and I feel bad about causing them physical pain. But when it's at the emotional level, like I said something that made them feel bad without injuring a body part, I don't feel anything about that.

It doesn't seem like I have this natural response of caring about people's emotional feelings, like other people said that they do in this thread.

I'm not sure what to do about this, because I am moar talkative now than I used to be, so I am saying moar things. Just two years ago, I sucked at talking and was unlikely to hurt people's feelings due to not talking. Now, I have bester speaking skills, but this new problem has arisen.



Mdyar
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07 Oct 2012, 5:30 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
I don't recognize social faux pas well, so I usually can't repair them either. I don't feel bad about hurting people's feelings. In my mind, it's like I would feel bad if I fell on them and broke their leg, so I care about their physical feelings and body parts, and I feel bad about causing them physical pain. But when it's at the emotional level, like I said something that made them feel bad without injuring a body part, I don't feel anything about that.

It doesn't seem like I have this natural response of caring about people's emotional feelings, like other people said that they do in this thread.


Wrong words or words at the wrong time virtually "break" neurotransmitters. But you cannot see that.



MrStewart
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07 Oct 2012, 6:49 pm

I care, but not about the other person. If I say something that offends when I had not anticipated or intended that result I will feel bad about myself for not realizing. Cardinal rule for me is go to all lengths necessary not to create negative reaction. Negative reaction jams up the gears of social interaction, makes life more difficult for me. I don't care what others think about me or how they think about what I said so long as it does not create direct negative reaction in the form of argument, excess emotional outpouring on their part, or even physical reprisal. Those things make my life harder. I prefer to avoid them. I hold myself to try to be cognizant of the potential fallout of my statements.

This manifests mostly in me not speaking very much. I used to talk a lot. Go on for hours. Negative reactions happened. I don't talk anymore. Or I lie. I learned how to lie out of necessity. So it goes. A shrug and a noncommittal grunt works well enough.



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07 Oct 2012, 7:06 pm

i do care. i sometimes don't realize in the moment that i've offended somebody, though. i usually realize it after replaying a conversation in my mind, or when it is pointed out to me. when i can, i make up for the offense, but many times it is either in a situation where i won't have an opportunity to "right the wrong", or time will have gone by and it might be unseemly to bring the matter back up without seeming strange. in those cases, i just try to remember to be kind and thoughtful next time we meet.

is it not that a person who never cares and cannot care about another person's feelings is considered a sociopath?



realityasatoy
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07 Oct 2012, 7:37 pm

For me it really depends. Normally I'm a nice person when I warm up to you. I may appear cold and aloof or really distant or whatever as a stranger but to those that really reach out to me I tend to open up to them a little at a time. I'm kind of like a screw in the wall and you just have to gradually pull me out but this only applies from person to person unless a whole group makes an effort as a whole at the same time. Now if you're mean to me I'll be mean back to you and I won't feel no shame or guilt about it but then if it's someone that continues to do something to me and then gets so emotional about it and apologizes and goes on and on about how much they care I tend to melt because deep down I want that so I feel guilty.

I was in a situation like the latter recently until a stroke of anger finally made me IM everyone online and tell them to f*** off. Thankfully it was just this person who I think deserved it and a very forgiving friend who didn't.

Now as far as being unaware of it. There are times where I've said something and have been told it was a bad thing to say and didn't realize it. I kinda borderline on self awareness. Kind of but it's weird. It's like I think I know what I'm doing but then when it comes up people tell me things about myself and it hits me like a ton of bricks with how much sense it makes.



emimeni
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07 Oct 2012, 7:45 pm

I care a lot of what other people think of me. I don't like it when people are mad at me, or when I'm exposed to anger.


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rixxar12
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07 Oct 2012, 7:52 pm

I dont care, but i try not to say things that can hurt other people, but they just escape from my mouth, i have made cry some friends,some relatives and my mom several times for saying things that hurt her, but i dont get why, i just stay stand in front of her watching her cry and trying to understand why is she crying, but with the time i have being learning what types of things can hurt people, but is a continuos learning so i still get people mad at me all the time.