Why do we not have the right to rely on others?

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kirayng
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09 Oct 2012, 10:20 pm

Hello, why do we get condemned for needing help? Isn't having autism something that necessitates more help from others than neurotypicals need? Why do I have to feel bad about it the fact that I need more help than others?

Anyone else struggle with this? We're supposed to be o so independent but the moment we need help, oh, you can't be totally independent b/c of your autism but that's what we want you to be so damn you for needing help!?

Especially financial help. When one cannot hold a job or work at all we're supposed to feel bad about it! We have these people who want to feel important and superior to us who tell us, 'buck up, work harder' you don't need 'hand-holding' WHEN WE EFFING DO! And, we should NOT be ashamed to need help or ask for it!

Grr.... makes me so frustrated. I suppose I will just fight even harder to win my disability case because I'm so sick of being told how much I can do then at the same time that I can't do those things because they're too hard! (school is a big one. I really am good at my studies, but I'm told '3, 4 or 5 biochem courses is too hard of a course load for anyone' and I'm like well why did they put the major in so many colleges if no one can do it!? (meaning just they think I can't do it even though I ace, bio, chem and physics in college... whatever).

So mad at being considered 'capable, smart, etc' and never given the chance to prove it. Who cares about inflating my ego? it's trash anyway, how I feel about myself is never realized in life so why bother? Teach me some independence by making it possible to do the things that make me happy! Anyone else with me on that?

Thanks for reading.



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09 Oct 2012, 10:36 pm

kirayng wrote:
Why do we not have the right to rely on others?

We have the right, but not the reason to expect to be able to rely on others.

kirayng wrote:
Hello, why do we get condemned for needing help?

Because too many people seem to have confused the right with the reason.

kirayng wrote:
Isn't having autism something that necessitates more help from others than neurotypicals need?

The necessity is all one-sided. You need their help, but they do not need to help you.

kirayng wrote:
Why do I have to feel bad about it the fact that I need more help than others?

Because, deep down inside, you feel that you should be able to help yourself.

kirayng wrote:
Anyone else struggle with this?

Not since boot camp.

kirayng wrote:
We're supposed to be o so independent but the moment we need help, oh, you can't be totally independent b/c of your autism but that's what we want you to be so damn you for needing help!?

Welcome to the Real World, where people's worth is measured by both their willingness and their ability to help themselves.

kirayng wrote:
Especially financial help. When one cannot hold a job or work at all we're supposed to feel bad about it! We have these people who want to feel important and superior to us who tell us, 'buck up, work harder' you don't need 'hand-holding' WHEN WE EFFING DO! And, we should NOT be ashamed to need help or ask for it!

You are entitled to ask for financial help, but no one is obligated to give it to you. This is another one of those Real World truths.

kirayng wrote:
Grr.... makes me so frustrated. I suppose I will just fight even harder to win my disability case because I'm so sick of being told how much I can do then at the same time that I can't do those things because they're too hard! (school is a big one. I really am good at my studies, but I'm told '3, 4 or 5 biochem courses is too hard of a course load for anyone' and I'm like well why did they put the major in so many colleges if no one can do it!? (meaning just they think I can't do it even though I ace, bio, chem and physics in college... whatever).

So you didn't get the course you wanted. Either take them as they are offered or purchase the school, change the rules, and take whatever you want when you want to take it.

kirayng wrote:
So mad at being considered 'capable, smart, etc' and never given the chance to prove it. Who cares about inflating my ego?

Apparently, you do.

kirayng wrote:
... it's trash anyway, how I feel about myself is never realized in life so why bother? Teach me some independence by making it possible to do the things that make me happy! Anyone else with me on that?

Not I. You want independence, yet you want to rely on others to hand it to you. Sorry, kid; but that's the third Real World truth you should accept -- if you want independence, you must achieve it for yourself.

kirayng wrote:
Thanks for reading.

You're welcome.


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thewhitrbbit
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09 Oct 2012, 11:06 pm

Quote:
So mad at being considered 'capable, smart, etc' and never given the chance to prove it. Who cares about inflating my ego? it's trash anyway, how I feel about myself is never realized in life so why bother? Teach me some independence by making it possible to do the things that make me happy! Anyone else with me on that?


Absolutely not. You're basically saying other people should work so you can play all day. That is entitlement, not independence. Independence is being able to pay your own bills. Life is a mix of work and play. I'd love to be able to do photography every day it's sunny, but I have to work so I can afford a place to live and food to eat. I have no right to expect others to do that for me.

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Hello, why do we get condemned for needing help? Isn't having autism something that necessitates more help from others than neurotypicals need? Why do I have to feel bad about it the fact that I need more help than others?


No one should condemn someone who truly needs help. Unfortunately a lot of people are con artists, running scams and trying to take advantage of good honest people.

Quote:
(school is a big one. I really am good at my studies, but I'm told '3, 4 or 5 biochem courses is too hard of a course load for anyone' and I'm like well why did they put the major in so many colleges if no one can do it!?


The major is in the college because it is doable over the course of 4 years. It's not intended for you to take 5 biochem courses in one semester. Your supposed to spread your hard classes out over the course of 8 semesters.

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Why do we not have the right to rely on others?


You don't have a right to rely on others. The world doesn't work like that. We can expect people to be charitable in life, but you don't have a right to demand it.



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09 Oct 2012, 11:51 pm

kirayng wrote:
Hello, why do we get condemned for needing help? Isn't having autism something that necessitates more help from others than neurotypicals need? Why do I have to feel bad about it the fact that I need more help than others?

Anyone else struggle with this? We're supposed to be o so independent but the moment we need help, oh, you can't be totally independent b/c of your autism but that's what we want you to be so damn you for needing help!?


*Quietly raises her hands*

...me?...

Tried to get in home supports. They only exist for people who have physical issues with showering, not cognitive issues with cleaning up their apartments.

kirayng wrote:
Especially financial help. When one cannot hold a job or work at all we're supposed to feel bad about it! We have these people who want to feel important and superior to us who tell us, 'buck up, work harder' you don't need 'hand-holding' WHEN WE EFFING DO! And, we should NOT be ashamed to need help or ask for it!

Like the person above me said, there is an unfortunate need for the system to have things in place so people don't scam away the financial assistance. You can either continue to fight for it, or learn to do things on your own. You can even do both.

kirayng wrote:
.... makes me so frustrated. I suppose I will just fight even harder to win my disability case because I'm so sick of being told how much I can do then at the same time that I can't do those things because they're too hard! (school is a big one. I really am good at my studies, but I'm told '3, 4 or 5 biochem courses is too hard of a course load for anyone' and I'm like well why did they put the major in so many colleges if no one can do it!? (meaning just they think I can't do it even though I ace, bio, chem and physics in college... whatever).

So gradually build up your course load. It's already been pointed out to you that bachelor degrees are supposed to take four years to get. If you want to prove that you can handle five biochem courses at once, prove it!

kirayng wrote:
So mad at being considered 'capable, smart, etc' and never given the chance to prove it. Who cares about inflating my ego? it's trash anyway, how I feel about myself is never realized in life so why bother? Teach me some independence by making it possible to do the things that make me happy! Anyone else with me on that?

Thanks for reading.


Independence isn't all unicorns farting rainbows out of their butts. It's cleaning your apartment. It's paying your bills. It's buying groceries.


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kirayng
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10 Oct 2012, 12:10 am

Who the hell said I wanted to play all day and not work and have everything handed to me...

I certainly did not. This is the last place I thought I'd see everyone tell me the same thing, you don't need help because you're expected to help yourself,

WELL WHAT IF YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF!?

Wow, I'm really surprised at how misinterpreted I was... but to clarify,

Talking about needing HELP, not someone to pay my way for everything, not someone to let me play while they work, and no college to give me credits for no work.... sheesh people. And I'm not pissed about not getting some course, Not even sure how that could be gotten from what I wrote, I specifically complained that while I make A's in hard sciences my folks do not think I can do that coursework, despite evidence otherwise. Never said anything about paying for anything?

I pay my own bills and I support myself, drive a car, work part-time, have put myself through school with some federal loans...
and I need help with a lot of daily living activities, I'm talking about being ashamed to need help with lots of things, not what you all have made it sound like!



kirayng
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10 Oct 2012, 12:12 am

EH, whatever.



Last edited by kirayng on 10 Oct 2012, 12:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

kirayng
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10 Oct 2012, 12:15 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Quote:
So mad at being considered 'capable, smart, etc' and never given the chance to prove it. Who cares about inflating my ego? it's trash anyway, how I feel about myself is never realized in life so why bother? Teach me some independence by making it possible to do the things that make me happy! Anyone else with me on that?


Absolutely not. You're basically saying other people should work so you can play all day. That is entitlement, not independence. Independence is being able to pay your own bills. Life is a mix of work and play. I'd love to be able to do photography every day it's sunny, but I have to work so I can afford a place to live and food to eat. I have no right to expect others to do that for me.

Quote:
Hello, why do we get condemned for needing help? Isn't having autism something that necessitates more help from others than neurotypicals need? Why do I have to feel bad about it the fact that I need more help than others?


No one should condemn someone who truly needs help. Unfortunately a lot of people are con artists, running scams and trying to take advantage of good honest people.

Quote:
(school is a big one. I really am good at my studies, but I'm told '3, 4 or 5 biochem courses is too hard of a course load for anyone' and I'm like well why did they put the major in so many colleges if no one can do it!?


The major is in the college because it is doable over the course of 4 years. It's not intended for you to take 5 biochem courses in one semester. Your supposed to spread your hard classes out over the course of 8 semesters.

Quote:
Why do we not have the right to rely on others?


You don't have a right to rely on others. The world doesn't work like that. We can expect people to be charitable in life, but you don't have a right to demand it.


I never said I intended to take these courses in one semester. I was actually taking two lab science courses per semester, for the next 3 years to finish. Anyway, the words were probably confusing.

I pay my own way and drive, pay insurance, have my own place, work part-time, school, the whole works. And I have had 2 major nervous breakdowns, "doing it all myself"... for crying out loud, when I need help even from you guys who I thought would understand I'm just put down more! You're proving my point in a weird, ironic way.

Hell, forgive me for even saying anything at all... didn't think this thread would spark such a reaction... I'll take my complaints to people who care, instead.




People who are disabled, who have impairments at least deserve help, I help others too.



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10 Oct 2012, 12:19 am

Because nobody has the right to live at others expense. That is all.



kirayng
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10 Oct 2012, 12:21 am

Female wrote:
Because nobody has the right to live at others expense. That is all.


Please explain -- are we all individuals who are totally self-reliant? No one has the right to require aid?

----95 posts in one day... are you legit heh



Last edited by kirayng on 10 Oct 2012, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

kirayng
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10 Oct 2012, 12:23 am

You guys are confusing money with morals here. I'm not talking about thinking people have the right to be financially supported by others if they cannot support themselves, although it's nice and altruistic and whatnot, I'm talking about people who have needs that are beyond "normal" that have the right to get help from society as a whole because they are in that position.

I should not have posed it from my point of view cuz everyone is jumping on me lol oh well.



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10 Oct 2012, 12:31 am

I'm not jumping on you.

I agree.

There exists a double standard; you have a disability, but no one can see it and it goes against people's perception of reality, so you have to fend for yourself.

But then, when you have an issue, people expect you to get help.

It's like: "get help for this issue!" "wait, no, don't!" "Why should you get help for that? That's unfair for everyone else!" When they don't realize - WE'RE NOT EVERYONE ELSE.

So no, I'm agreeing and feel similar frustration.

:x



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10 Oct 2012, 12:37 am

I don't know, but I think a lot of it has to do with being a "valuable" person to others, which I think usually means having a high social status. I.e. lots of people want to know famous actors, rock stars, rich people, etc. and try do them favors of they get the chance. The popular folk, who likely have little need for help, moral or otherwise, are flooded with it, whereas the untouchables had Mother Theresa and no one else.

And, maybe there's a right and wrong way to complain -- not that I know what the right way is. That and the fact that I know I'm not valuable to 99.9999999999999999% of the population make sure that I don't bother complaining to anybody about anything (already know they don't give a sh**). OTOH, I have lots of suicidal ideation, so that's not advice or anything.



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10 Oct 2012, 12:53 am

Well I am kind of a socialist more or less so I think it is societies job to provide for its citizens even the disabled, unemployed and homeless ones. So I think people should rely on each other for help, obviously it is good to learn individual skills as well but I don't really see a problem with members of a society helping each other out where needed. But yeah its not a very popular perspective especially here in the U.S.

Anyways good luck with your disability case...system owes a little compensation to the people its f****d(or maybe you don't feel f****d by society in which case you can ignore that last part 8) .


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10 Oct 2012, 12:56 am

Female wrote:
Because nobody has the right to live at others expense. That is all.


Tell that to the 1%(or close to 1%).


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10 Oct 2012, 1:02 am

Well, I'm going through similarish right now. I used to be a very hardcore libertarian/conservative, until I encountered hardship. Now I still am one, but less so. I now realize I'm not really capable of everything like I was told and thought throughout my life. I'm not God, I'm not invincible. And I may have to actually rely on other people for things, rather than live up to a fantasy where I'm the main character from Anthem and everything I do is made by me for me.

I do agree with the other posters on here, that we are not entitled to help. Nobody is. But, it's nice for others to help others and generally makes the world a more livable place. So I'm contemplating applying for SSDI benefits, and going on assistance, but I realize I'm NOT entitled to it. It is given out of the kindness of the government's heart more or less.

This is probably the hardest part of ASD to me. I have voices on one side saying I'm like the smartest person ever that can just do anything, and have had (usually professionals) say the opposite. I've had an AS doctor after 5 minutes of talking to me on the phone tell my mom "Yeah, he definitely sounds like he has it." This AS doctor said I probably shouldn't even be driving. I even got rejected for an ASD Support group for basically being too severe, they wanted me to meet with the the doctor individually before I could go to the group. It's tough hearing the conflicting opinions like that. The people who gave me my NVLD diagnosis initially referred me for like, an intensive in-patient thing to teach basic life skills (which rejected me, thankfully.) I'm guessing somewhere in the middle of these extreme opinions is right.

One thing I will say, though, I've gotten my best luck in life by completely ignoring everyone else's opinions on what I should do, and doing things in my weird unorthodox fashion that gets results. Like I got an infection, so I went to the hospital. I got a $500 bill for that. What my plan was instead was to go buy pet antibiotics for like $10. It would have done the exact same thing. Then I went to a doctor again because I still had the pain. Doctor did absolutely nothing, $100. Then I tried to get psych meds (Ritalin) and that was another $150 for no reason. Now I'm stuck with like $700 in medical bills for no reason. If I had just ignored my mother complaining to me, saying various things were dangerous (she was concerned about piracetam, a European medicine I wanted instead of Ritalin, but "made" me go to the doctor, I got Ritalin, shot my pulse to 100 and made me dumb and is frankly a dangerous medicine), I'd have had better results for much less money. I see this with college, too. I'm learning it's best just to refuse to do things because others expect it of me, even if I look awkward/dumb in the process.

Oh well, good luck and stuff.



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10 Oct 2012, 2:34 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I am kind of a socialist more or less so I think it is societies job to provide for its citizens even the disabled, unemployed and homeless ones. So I think people should rely on each other for help, obviously it is good to learn individual skills as well but I don't really see a problem with members of a society helping each other out where needed. But yeah its not a very popular perspective especially here in the U.S.

Anyways good luck with your disability case...system owes a little compensation to the people its f****d(or maybe you don't feel f****d by society in which case you can ignore that last part 8) .


You know, I'm definitely not a socialist, and I can agree that it is the job of humanity to watch out for the unpopular people of society.
I think that it's a big problem to equate a political affiliation with compassion and human rights (I'm not saying you're doing that, Sweetleaf, I'm saying that people do that and it's leading to issues).

Human rights and dignity shouldn't be tied to a particular philosophy or politics. It should be tied to humanity. Sadly, that's not the case.