Are you attracted to people through their looks FIRST?
No. I'm actually the opposite. If I see a beautiful woman, I'm immediately unattracted to her. Chances are that the more beautiful she is, the more men she's slept with is how I see/feel about physical attraction. Attraction, for me, is based on personality and whether or not she's saved herself (ALL of herself) for marriage. I've been able to do so, and I'll continue to do so, so there's no reason that anyone else should be able to do the same if that's what they really want.
There's also the love/sexual attraction factor that plays into this, so there's more to it (for me) than simply physical attraction (which, as I might have stated before, is a moot point for me). I'll briefly state what I've said in another thread in the past:
Great personality + all of self saved for marriage = Love and sexual attraction for said female
Great personality - all of self saved for marriage = Love only for said female. If she wants to make love, then she can find it elsewhere, that or divorce me.
Harsh? I don't think so. I think it's rather realistic and possible to work if both parties are willing to make it work. What I look for and expect in attraction isn't for everyone, I'll admit. However, it's worked for me and it's kept me out of some relationships that had the potential to become a real clusterf**k, thus saving me many headaches.
I think looks help to get my attention, but they definitely cannot hold it for more than a few minutes. I've never been seriously interested in a woman purely for her looks. Infact, I tend to be put off by women who look "too good", because I believe most positive appearance is based on preening, and from experience I have very little in common with people who put a lot of effort into that. It doesn't hurt that I find my girlfriend attractive, but it's not something that I'm constantly aware of.
Fiz
Veteran
Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
Well the first thing people tend to notice is how someone looks before knowing what the personality is like. So people tend to make a judgement based on looks first. I'd be lying if I said that I don't notice physical appearance because I do. But I don't date people on the basis of the way they look. When I met my current boyfriend, I thought he was cute but didn't know him as a person. It was when I got to know him better that I wanted to start seeing him. So, although I do notice physical appearance, I don't become emotionally attached or attracted to someone based on that.
_________________
The only person in the world that can truly make you happy is yourself.
Appearance usually makes the first impression, unless I hear her voice or hear of her from someone else first. On forums its usually different though because you have a chance to get to know people before you see them. Then you see a picture, which could be a really good picture or a really bad picture of them, but it makes an impression.
I doubt than anyone can honestly say that they don't already judge people to some degree by their appearance. It is how we work; get data, judge it and make it mean something, get more data, repeat.
Well, I wouldn't say I'm attracted first, but I do get a little intrigued and try to get to know the person better, always just as a friend at first. Whether anything more happens depends on how much I like their personality and how much they like mine.
1) See person. Notice appearance. If visually appealing, take note, but likely not much real attraction. Minimal motivation to meet them.
2A) See person behaving a certain way. Notice behavior towards others and in the fact of problems. If appealing, take note. Motivation to meet them goes up. Possibly meet them.
2B) Through group work or otherwise, wind up meeting person. If they act in an appealing manner, desire and motivation to get to know them better goes up, sometimes dramatically.
3) More conversations. Appeal goes up or down, but usually up by this point, unless you find out they're a neo-Nazi or something.
However this is just the format that my attraction typically follows. It may be slightly different for each individual case. Like, if I see a TOTALLY HOT goth girl who doesn't have a totally bitchy expression on her face or anything, then I'll be undeniably attracted. (Too bad that's like, never happened.)
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