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lazamb_girl
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11 Oct 2012, 3:17 pm

Hi all..
If there has already been a thread on a related note, kindly guide me there. I do not have the patience to go through all the posts on so many pages. I am new here and I am neurotic about my current situation.. so kindly bear with me.
I recently broke up with my boy friend because I couldnt handle long distance. It was a wake up call. That's when I realised I never made any new friends since i moved where I live currently. I was lost and I found it very difficult to find company. All my existing friends (can be counted off with a few fingers) are those which were persistant through my obnoxiousness and taught me to be civil to people. all of them are scattered and not even close to where i live. One acquaintance told me he has aspergers and when I read about the traits for aspergers in women I thought it explained a lot of my characteristics. My scores in some of the standard tests are as follows:
EQ - 15 (this is my highest score..i couldnt go beyond this)
SQ- 44
AQ - 35
BAP score: "Autistic/BAP
You scored 120 aloof, 104 rigid and 92 pragmatic
You scored 120% on aloof, higher than 80% of your peers.
You scored 104% on rigid, higher than 67% of your peers.
You scored 92% on pragmatic, higher than 55% of your peers
You scored 6% on diagnosis, higher than 62% of your peers."

But then none of my friends are believing me when I told them I have this condition. They keep saying I have changed a lot over the years and they are totally discounting all my previous flaws as though they never existed.
Before you go ahead and waste time reading this, I would say what i expect. I would say a few points where I am not sure if the traits exactly match. So i would like some of your opinions on if it is NT behaviour or is it indeed AS. Also if you think it is AS, i would like to have an idea about how much time I will have to spend in getting it clinically diagnosed and what I can expect when I go. I know there are several pages on the internet which describe all this. Since I am doubting my discretion now as I am terribly confused, I would value your opinion. And some guidance if there are some specialists among you. If indeed I do have this condition, I do not know what I should do.
I have always been perceived as a shy, sensitive person.
1) If I have met a person and I like talking to him/her, I ping that person or msg that person relentlessly.. but No i do not call them. But I am not too averse to talking over phone with a select few people since they know how to lead the conversation over the phone.
2) A lot of times conversations with me can be stalling. It would hit dead end and if the other person doesnt know what to say, there will an awkward pause and I will get frantic and think of something appropriate to say and lo! I am all blank after I discount everything as pointless and plain stupid. But I have seen other quiet people. I do not know how to see this.
3) I do not know how to take the relationship to the next level. I talk to people (nowadays I can) but a lot of times people stop talking to me and I just do not know why. But again I hear it is normal.
4) I am not sure if I have sensory issues. Some sounds which irritate me now may not be irritating if I am doing something important
5) My slightly low self esteem doesnt let me call myself "talented" or "gifted".And I do not know how i was in my childhood. I have always been good in academics and have been interested in learning.
6) I cannot think of a single instance when I made friends on my own. ok just once when I was really curious to find out more about the person and was determined to break him. People have told me that making friends is really difficult. And I am just freaking out. I am an introvert so it could be difficult as well.
7) I do share stuff with people. I am quite selective about who I share with and what I share with. But I am not entirely averse to sharing stuff with people.
8 ) I am very reluctant to ask people for help to anyone. I am horrible at staying in touch with people. and I am scared of being perceived as someone who goes to people only for help.
I have actually held discussions with my ex about appropriate responses for different types of questions and reactions of others.. even if i am going to meet a reasonably well acquainted person.
Of course I have changed a lot. I am better at giving appropriate responses to people. I have learnt from people around me to be excessively polite to hide my social awkwardness. But nowadays I think I have developed an apathy towards stuff and I do not engage in conflicts and this also feels like I
I am generally not a hypochondriac. I mostly discount pains or discomfort as long as it doesnt interfere with my routine.
I hope I was clear. Thanks for your response in advance!

EDIT: The BAP score was added



Last edited by lazamb_girl on 11 Oct 2012, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

outofplace
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11 Oct 2012, 3:29 pm

None of us are qualified to diagnose you with any condition by reading a post on the internet. if you have it, you sound like you are at the mild end of the spectrum, which would be something like BAP, Asperger's or PDD-NOS. You made no mention of pervasive interests or of difficulty understanding certain types of social speech like playful teasing or flirtation and these are typical areas where someone with an ASD will have issues. Likewise, many people who are spectrum seem to use a lot of self-referential speech when trying to empathize with others (using personal anecdotes). This sometimes is perceived as self-centeredness, when that was not the intention.

Whatever the case may be, you are welcome to stay here and try to figure things out with the rest of us. Even if you don't have it, you probably can learn from our experiences and we can probably learn from yours. Everyone has something to teach others in life.


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Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic


lazamb_girl
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11 Oct 2012, 3:51 pm

@outofplace : Thanks for your response. Well people do not come often to me with their problems. But if they do, I respond to the situation as to what one should do rationally. No I do not bring myself in.
I have had some obsessive interests but I do not know if they are unusual but I lose interests in things quickly.
I do understand jokes, flirtations and all.. but i am also known to earnestly answer to some questions which are meant to be jokes.
I am not stupid but then I do have difficulty in verbal instructions and I have to do it once myself or write it down to understand and do it myself the next time. A lot of traits which I read that women with aspergers have fit me. I have just raised some points which I am not entirely sure of.

I suspect that I have Asperger's syndrome.



outofplace
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11 Oct 2012, 8:42 pm

lazamb_girl wrote:
@outofplace : Thanks for your response. Well people do not come often to me with their problems. But if they do, I respond to the situation as to what one should do rationally. No I do not bring myself in.
I have had some obsessive interests but I do not know if they are unusual but I lose interests in things quickly.
I do understand jokes, flirtations and all.. but i am also known to earnestly answer to some questions which are meant to be jokes.
I am not stupid but then I do have difficulty in verbal instructions and I have to do it once myself or write it down to understand and do it myself the next time. A lot of traits which I read that women with aspergers have fit me. I have just raised some points which I am not entirely sure of.

I suspect that I have Asperger's syndrome.


As far as it goes, you sound similar to me. I do not have a professional diagnosis either, just suspicions stemming from online tests and articles, and research into my childhood which shows at least somewhat of an aspie pattern to it. I remember when I first started suspecting this about 4 months ago I asked a friend of mine why he liked talking to me about his problems. His response was that I deal with them rationally and logically and take emotion out of it. I also asked a friend of mine that I have known for 16 years if he thought it made sense and his response was "definitely." His son is also on the spectrum and he says we are very similar, when comparing me at 22 to him in his early teens. As far as it goes, I can sometimes get flirting, teasing and sarcasm too but probably miss the point 50% of the time.

What I meant about being self referential is that in normal conversation you bring personal experiences into things when someone is describing something in their own life. The empathy part of the equation is shared social experience and emotion stemming from body language and minor facial expressions, NOT a lack of ability to feel emotion when you understand what is going on. So, for example, if someone just bought a new car, you might bring up the last time you bought a new car in the conversation as a way of trying to relate. However, the meaning is then misconstrued to be that you are shifting focus off of the other person's moment and trying to put it on yourself.


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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic


OliveOilMom
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12 Oct 2012, 12:07 am

Do you know what a hypochondriac is? Because thats not it. Thinking you may have AS and then obsessing about it and other stuff is not hypchondria. I was a hypochondriac for several years, and trust me what you got is a cake walk. It's probably some type of OCD or even possibly just searching for answers from a completely normal and healthy person. Only way to know is see a pro.

Chill and see what happens a few months down the road. Real things manifest in a way you can't ignore. And usually in a way that a hypochondriacal brain doesn't think up.


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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


Mindsigh
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12 Oct 2012, 10:17 am

You sound a lot like me, especially your number 8. I don't think you're a hypochondriac. I hope that you will stick around here for a while so we can anecdotally answer questions. :)


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lazamb_girl
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12 Oct 2012, 12:53 pm

@OliveOilMom Ok I know I am obsessing a lot. This has been my obsession for a couple of weeks now. I have bugged people I know out of their wits bombarding them with tests. And I have been reading papers published in psychology journals about these tests as well as for asperger's. Maybe I got carried away and thought that I am a hypochondriac.

@outofplace Well I have learnt over time observing responses by others in such situation. So I come up with one even when I do not feel anything.Actually a lot of times, I do not share the feelings of the person who is telling stuff to me. I have even felt guilty for it. But I try to show a response like I am really glad for them or that I am worried for them. For example, I would like a good friend to get a job that she likes. But I do not feel any emotion about it. I dont share her anxiety when she is searching for one in a tough market. But the way she speaks to me when I have a similar situation, I think that she may actually be worried for me.

@mindsigh thanks. I hope the discussions in these forums will help me understand myself better.

I am lucky to have very supportive parents and friends and acknowledge that. They have always been patient and tried to mould me to be a good person. My close friends tell me that I have coped well for all these years and how does this diagnosis change things. TO me personally it does, since I find the reason why some things which seem easy to other people are so difficult for me.