NT crushing hard on a guy who might be an aspie

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CrushingHard61
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12 Oct 2012, 11:58 am

I’m an NT who is crushing really hard on a guy who I believe is an aspie. He goes to my gym and that’s where we met. Or, I should say, that is where I introduced myself to him. At first, I thought he was really shy but when I spoke to him he was very sweet and very chatty, almost verbose. But then, the next time I saw him, he didn’t even look at me or acknowledge me until I went up and spoke to him. When we spoke, he looked at me from the corner of his eye and not straight on.

The third time we spoke, very similar situation. I had to approach him and start the conversation, but once he was engaged, he was very chatty (We only ever talk about exercising, the gym, and injuries)and this time he smiled at me, which was the first time ,and I think my heart may have stopped.

I’ve also observed him during his workouts and his routine is very repetitive. He does the same four exercise/machines all night long over and over again for probably an hour. If he’s working out when I approach him, he won’t stop while he’s replying. But if he’s resting, he’ll wait to start up again.

More recently, I have run into him just as I was leaving and each time it seems to me, the smiles he gives me are more beautiful that the last. And there have been many moments when I swear he is watching me out of the corner of his eye.

For reasons I’ve mentioned and a few others, I believe he may be an aspie. (Or it could be that I’m watching too much Parenthood). In any case, I’m very interested in spending time with him away from the gym, even if just for friendship. Normally I don’t have any qualms about talking to men I’m attracted to, but I don’t want to scare this guy off. Another piece of the puzzle is that he is much younger than me, although I think I’m pretty attractive and youthful for my age. I don’t even know if he’s interested, but some gut instinct tells me he might be. He at least seems to enjoy talking to me when I start the conversation.

I want to ask him about his other interests but just haven’t had the opportunity. I was thinking maybe if I knew more about him, I could suggest an activity we could do together outside the gym. I’m very drawn to him and feel like we are meant to be in other’s lives in some way.

Am I on the right track thinking this guy might be an aspie? I think I’d be able to be more blunt if I knew he was an aspie. Any advice?



theWanderer
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12 Oct 2012, 3:36 pm

He might be. It certainly sounds possible, but we really can't tell you more than that. If he is, he might be interested in you. You might want to try to steer the conversation to get him talking about his special interests (also known as "obsessions"), and if the two of you have any point of intersection there, you've got a pretty good way to move forward. If not...


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12 Oct 2012, 3:41 pm

You said you think you could be more blunt if you knew he was an aspie. I think that's the way to go whether he's aspie or not.


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theWanderer
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12 Oct 2012, 3:43 pm

mds_02 wrote:
You said you think you could be more blunt if you knew he was an aspie. I think that's the way to go whether he's aspie or not.


Yes, but we don't know much about him. There was a time in my life when, if a strange woman came up to me and was too blunt about being interested, I would have run. I simply would have assumed she was taunting me or playing some kind of game with me. If he has been bullied a lot, he might have that mindset. Without knowing more, how can we say just what the right approach might be?

Edited to add: And by "strange woman" I don't mean just someone I'd never met, I mean anyone I didn't know well enough to be absolutely sure about their motivation.


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AQ Test = 44 Aspie Quiz = 169 Aspie 33 NT EQ / SQ-R = Extreme Systematising
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Not all those who wander are lost.
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In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder


CrushingHard61
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12 Oct 2012, 3:47 pm

theWanderer wrote:
He might be. It certainly sounds possible, but we really can't tell you more than that. If he is, he might be interested in you. You might want to try to steer the conversation to get him talking about his special interests (also known as "obsessions"), and if the two of you have any point of intersection there, you've got a pretty good way to move forward. If not...


Thanks. I will keep looking for opportunities. Sometimes he is so focused on his workouts, he doesn't seem interested in talking so I will have just find the right time. A friend of mine said he might be into cars because he drives a car that hasn't been made since the late 1990s and it's in pristine condition. While I'm not really into cars, I would be very happy to listen to him talk about them. I'm a good learner and a good listener. :D



CrushingHard61
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12 Oct 2012, 3:54 pm

theWanderer wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
You said you think you could be more blunt if you knew he was an aspie. I think that's the way to go whether he's aspie or not.


Yes, but we don't know much about him. There was a time in my life when, if a strange woman came up to me and was too blunt about being interested, I would have run. I simply would have assumed she was taunting me or playing some kind of game with me. If he has been bullied a lot, he might have that mindset. Without knowing more, how can we say just what the right approach might be?

Edited to add: And by "strange woman" I don't mean just someone I'd never met, I mean anyone I didn't know well enough to be absolutely sure about their motivation.


Yes, that is my concern. I know I need to take it slow and I need to talk with him about something other than exercising and the gym. If I can get him to talk about one of his interests/obssesions, then I would feel more confident about asking him to do something together. I just have to be patient and keep at it because I like him too much to just give up.



CrushingHard61
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12 Oct 2012, 4:15 pm

mds_02 wrote:
You said you think you could be more blunt if you knew he was an aspie. I think that's the way to go whether he's aspie or not.


I hear what you are saying, but don't most NT guys like to do the chasing and not be chased? I think if he's an NT, I would know by now for sure if he was interested.

Thanks.



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14 Oct 2012, 2:15 am

Why doesn't this happen to me at the gym? :?

Anyway, I think you're on the right path. Just keep on doing what you're doing, be direct and not subtle about things and it should be fine. Look at the content of what he says more than things like perfect eye contact and whatnot. I do have to admit, I have a routine that doesn't waver a bit at the gym and he sounds suspect. But, I really don't know if bringing it up now would help, especially if he isn't aware of it and is undiagnosed. Prior to being diagnosed, I'd probably deny it, since I never had it as an interest and didn't know enough about it. Discussing that can come later.

Good luck!



CrushingHard61
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14 Oct 2012, 10:00 am

JRR wrote:
Why doesn't this happen to me at the gym? :?

Anyway, I think you're on the right path. Just keep on doing what you're doing, be direct and not subtle about things and it should be fine. Look at the content of what he says more than things like perfect eye contact and whatnot. I do have to admit, I have a routine that doesn't waver a bit at the gym and he sounds suspect. But, I really don't know if bringing it up now would help, especially if he isn't aware of it and is undiagnosed. Prior to being diagnosed, I'd probably deny it, since I never had it as an interest and didn't know enough about it. Discussing that can come later.

Good luck!


Thanks. I saw him again on Friday and he was more at ease when we spoke. He even shared some personal information about himself, which made me really happy. He still hasn't asked me anything but I will keep sharing whatever seems appropriate to the conversation.

I agree about what you said about him being possibly undiagnosed and not bringing up the topic. I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient. I cannot stop thinking about him.



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14 Oct 2012, 11:08 am

CrushingHard61 wrote:
JRR wrote:
Why doesn't this happen to me at the gym? :?

Anyway, I think you're on the right path. Just keep on doing what you're doing, be direct and not subtle about things and it should be fine. Look at the content of what he says more than things like perfect eye contact and whatnot. I do have to admit, I have a routine that doesn't waver a bit at the gym and he sounds suspect. But, I really don't know if bringing it up now would help, especially if he isn't aware of it and is undiagnosed. Prior to being diagnosed, I'd probably deny it, since I never had it as an interest and didn't know enough about it. Discussing that can come later.

Good luck!


Thanks. I saw him again on Friday and he was more at ease when we spoke. He even shared some personal information about himself, which made me really happy. He still hasn't asked me anything but I will keep sharing whatever seems appropriate to the conversation.

I agree about what you said about him being possibly undiagnosed and not bringing up the topic. I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient. I cannot stop thinking about him.


Yes, it would indeed be nice if this happened to more of us at the gym. :)
But anyway, if he hasn't asked you anything, then I think there's a very good chance that he's an aspie. At least, knowing myself, I have a hard time keeping conversations going after I've said all I have to say. Based on what I've read, I have no way of telling whether he's interested though :?. Be prepared to have to be extra patient with him if he is an aspie...though I know all of us are different.

Best of luck and be sure not to give it up too soon!! ! :wink:



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14 Oct 2012, 3:29 pm

Have you had any other successful dates from the gym?



CrushingHard61
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14 Oct 2012, 6:52 pm

Icimec wrote:

Yes, it would indeed be nice if this happened to more of us at the gym. :)
But anyway, if he hasn't asked you anything, then I think there's a very good chance that he's an aspie. At least, knowing myself, I have a hard time keeping conversations going after I've said all I have to say. Based on what I've read, I have no way of telling whether he's interested though :?. Be prepared to have to be extra patient with him if he is an aspie...though I know all of us are different.

Best of luck and be sure not to give it up too soon!! ! :wink:


Thanks. This is my instinct as well. Sometimes the conversation just sort of wanes and he walks away without another word. Yet he always seems to be happy to talk to me if I come back with something else to tell him or ask him.

I couldn't give up if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm infatuated. :)



CrushingHard61
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14 Oct 2012, 7:06 pm

Stalk wrote:
Have you had any other successful dates from the gym?


To be honest, until this guy (K.) caught my eye I haven't really been interested. I went through a bad divorce a few years back and haven't been at all interested in dating until about two months ago. I'm not sure what it is about K. that draws me in. I've always been drawn to unique, quirky people, being very quirky myself. I also got this vibe (even before I thought he might be aspie) that K. was sensitive and vulnerable. Some instinct told me he wouldn't deliberately cause emotional pain, which my ex did. That and he has the most beautiful eyes. :)

There is one other guy at the gym who has been flirting with me. One time I was watching K. across the room and the other guy (B.) was in my line of sight. He seemed to think I was watching him and he smiled and waved to me. Ever since he's has been giving me these flirty smiles every time I see him. And though B. is very cute (he looks a lot like the actor Brian Bloom), I am only interested in K.



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15 Oct 2012, 9:20 am

NTs apparently scan their area constantly so they pick up on these subtle messages quicker. His gym buddy could be interpreting these messages for him or worse interpreting that you are flirting with him. I think you need a woman's perspective here on what works in a gym environment and what is socially acceptable etiquette. Perhaps try the women's section.



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15 Oct 2012, 9:25 am

Stalk wrote:
NTs apparently scan their area constantly so they pick up on these subtle messages quicker. His gym buddy could be interpreting these messages for him or worse interpreting that you are flirting with him. I think you need a woman's perspective here on what works in a gym environment and what is socially acceptable etiquette. Perhaps try the women's section.


Yes, a woman's perspective should be even better.


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CrushingHard61
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15 Oct 2012, 1:06 pm

Stalk wrote:
NTs apparently scan their area constantly so they pick up on these subtle messages quicker. His gym buddy could be interpreting these messages for him or worse interpreting that you are flirting with him. I think you need a woman's perspective here on what works in a gym environment and what is socially acceptable etiquette. Perhaps try the women's section.


Thanks. The other guy (B) isn't a buddy of K's. He's just a random guy at the gym. I'm not really worried about him, but I will check out the women's section.