Hard time trusting people in relationships

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Ria1989
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14 Oct 2012, 6:57 pm

I have a hard time trusting new men when going into relationships, but with good reason as I've been abused in a few of my past relationships. I have a hard time going through with an actual relationship because of this, and in turn I look very picky. I don't want to be picky, because my list in my mind is short. I want someone who is faithful, loyal and VERY caring. Being somewhat attracted to them would be a plus, but being a good person comes first.

Does anyone have this problem? Do you look for qualities other people don't seem to and in turn you appear to be picky?


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Blammo
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14 Oct 2012, 8:35 pm

Finding those qualities is difficult. But when you find them it will be worth the effort.

I would continue being "picky" and find someone YOU want. Trust is difficult to build, but in a relationship there has to be an inherent level of trust. Without trust, there is almost no relationship.


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Ria1989
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14 Oct 2012, 10:40 pm

Thanks. I totally agree. I hope my actions don't seem like I'm being too picky, and others become annoyed or hurt by it. It sucks hurting people :(


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ValentineWiggin
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14 Oct 2012, 11:48 pm

"I refuse to settle for something less than great.
And if it takes a lifetime, then that's how long I'll wait.
'Cause all I want is everything, is that too much to ask?
Have romance, love and passion; find magic that will last.

And I want someone to think they'll die if they can't be with me.
I want to be their joy, their pride, their dreams, The very air they breathe.
I want to wake up feelin' loved and go to bed the same.
Yes, I want to be somebody's everything."

Dolly Parton- Somebody's Everything


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civrev
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15 Oct 2012, 12:36 am

If you have trust issues from previous relationships, you might want to deal with them before you jump into any more relationships, because it's really not fair to a guy to have to overcome these extra obstacles that aren't his fault.

With that being said, it's important to be picky. You NEED to be picky. It's what's going to save you a lot of pain and suffering in the long run. I also wouldn't discount attraction. It may seem superficial at first but it's fairly important to sustain a relationship with someone in the long term. Would you want to be with someone you're not attracted to for the rest of your life, or even in a long term relationship?



Ria1989
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15 Oct 2012, 9:37 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
"I refuse to settle for something less than great.
And if it takes a lifetime, then that's how long I'll wait.
'Cause all I want is everything, is that too much to ask?
Have romance, love and passion; find magic that will last.

And I want someone to think they'll die if they can't be with me.
I want to be their joy, their pride, their dreams, The very air they breathe.
I want to wake up feelin' loved and go to bed the same.
Yes, I want to be somebody's everything."

Dolly Parton- Somebody's Everything


great song :)


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Ria1989
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15 Oct 2012, 9:41 am

civrev wrote:
If you have trust issues from previous relationships, you might want to deal with them before you jump into any more relationships, because it's really not fair to a guy to have to overcome these extra obstacles that aren't his fault.

With that being said, it's important to be picky. You NEED to be picky. It's what's going to save you a lot of pain and suffering in the long run. I also wouldn't discount attraction. It may seem superficial at first but it's fairly important to sustain a relationship with someone in the long term. Would you want to be with someone you're not attracted to for the rest of your life, or even in a long term relationship?


I agree wholeheartedly that I need to overcome trust issues from my past. I did warn the last guy of them, and told him flat out that I did not trust him and I did not know when I would. Despite telling him that, he still asked me to be his girlfriend, which was surprising. Unfortunately, it was not me that really needed to be worried about sustaining the relationship, even though I did end it, but he made it known that no girl will be as good as his first love and to be prettier, etc. would be hard to come by. That line itself is what ended our relationship even if he would never cheat on me, abuse me, etc. Though he was nice in many ways, his words stung, which would pierce anyone who wouldn't have trust issues.


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heatherbk
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15 Oct 2012, 5:47 pm

Ria1989 wrote:
civrev wrote:
If you have trust issues from previous relationships, you might want to deal with them before you jump into any more relationships, because it's really not fair to a guy to have to overcome these extra obstacles that aren't his fault.

With that being said, it's important to be picky. You NEED to be picky. It's what's going to save you a lot of pain and suffering in the long run. I also wouldn't discount attraction. It may seem superficial at first but it's fairly important to sustain a relationship with someone in the long term. Would you want to be with someone you're not attracted to for the rest of your life, or even in a long term relationship?


I agree wholeheartedly that I need to overcome trust issues from my past. I did warn the last guy of them, and told him flat out that I did not trust him and I did not know when I would. Despite telling him that, he still asked me to be his girlfriend, which was surprising. Unfortunately, it was not me that really needed to be worried about sustaining the relationship, even though I did end it, but he made it known that no girl will be as good as his first love and to be prettier, etc. would be hard to come by. That line itself is what ended our relationship even if he would never cheat on me, abuse me, etc. Though he was nice in many ways, his words stung, which would pierce anyone who wouldn't have trust issues.


Ouch. I dont think any girl would want to be with someone who would say such a thing. Hearing those words would worsen trust issue problems o_o



Ria1989
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15 Oct 2012, 6:03 pm

heatherbk wrote:
Ria1989 wrote:
civrev wrote:
If you have trust issues from previous relationships, you might want to deal with them before you jump into any more relationships, because it's really not fair to a guy to have to overcome these extra obstacles that aren't his fault.

With that being said, it's important to be picky. You NEED to be picky. It's what's going to save you a lot of pain and suffering in the long run. I also wouldn't discount attraction. It may seem superficial at first but it's fairly important to sustain a relationship with someone in the long term. Would you want to be with someone you're not attracted to for the rest of your life, or even in a long term relationship?


I agree wholeheartedly that I need to overcome trust issues from my past. I did warn the last guy of them, and told him flat out that I did not trust him and I did not know when I would. Despite telling him that, he still asked me to be his girlfriend, which was surprising. Unfortunately, it was not me that really needed to be worried about sustaining the relationship, even though I did end it, but he made it known that no girl will be as good as his first love and to be prettier, etc. would be hard to come by. That line itself is what ended our relationship even if he would never cheat on me, abuse me, etc. Though he was nice in many ways, his words stung, which would pierce anyone who wouldn't have trust issues.


Ouch. I dont think any girl would want to be with someone who would say such a thing. Hearing those words would worsen trust issue problems o_o


Hmmm, yep. I'm glad YOU are on the same page as me as he clearly didn't get it. He got it when I dumped him, though.


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aspiemike
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15 Oct 2012, 9:59 pm

to the previous two posters: Who in the world would want to be with someone that doesn't make them feel like the best looking or greatest person for them anyway? I am sure I have called it off with someone before because they told me they found someone else more attractive.



Ria1989
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16 Oct 2012, 11:47 am

aspiemike wrote:
to the previous two posters: Who in the world would want to be with someone that doesn't make them feel like the best looking or greatest person for them anyway? I am sure I have called it off with someone before because they told me they found someone else more attractive.


Right... The fact is, I'm only in my early twenties so if he already doesn't find me to be the best, my looks will only deteriorate from here on out. Because of that, I can't be with someone who has that mentality. He thought that every girl but one was below a ten. I was more pissed that he wasted my time when he KNEW he felt I wasn't a ten from the start. Why ask me out then? We were waiting until we were married anyway, so it's not like he would have gotten much from me.


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Blammo
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16 Oct 2012, 1:52 pm

Ria1989 wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
to the previous two posters: Who in the world would want to be with someone that doesn't make them feel like the best looking or greatest person for them anyway? I am sure I have called it off with someone before because they told me they found someone else more attractive.


Right... The fact is, I'm only in my early twenties so if he already doesn't find me to be the best, my looks will only deteriorate from here on out. Because of that, I can't be with someone who has that mentality. He thought that every girl but one was below a ten. I was more pissed that he wasted my time when he KNEW he felt I wasn't a ten from the start. Why ask me out then? We were waiting until we were married anyway, so it's not like he would have gotten much from me.


Props for waiting :salut:


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Since everyone else has this on their signatures.. might as well conform:

Your Aspie score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200 You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits