The Menopause

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Is there anyone else who wishes this stage of life would go by instantly? Puberty was hell for me and I watch the time slipping by until I have to go through its reverse version. I wish there was a way to become instantly post-menopausal (well, getting a hysterectomy would probably do it?) I don't mind the idea of being an elderly woman as much as I dread being 'middle aged'.

That said, a button that made puberty pass in an instant would've been very helpful 10 years ago. What people don't realise is that it takes so long. Some men have this attitude that women stop being girls when they get their first period (which is when they used to get married, as well). I was a hormonal mess until my 20s!

I hope you are not offended when I ask you why did you decide to be concerned about menopause at your age. There's lots of other problems that you could direct your attention to now.

Menopause started for me probably when I was about 52 or 53. It didn't affect me as much as puberty did. And I realized that I will no longer have to be concerned about making any more decisions on buying tampons or pads. What a relief that is. Now I can honestly say that you really are as young as you think you are. When I was younger I was always concerned that I would be become fat at this age. Didn't happen. I think some people use getting an older as an excuse for to sit around and do nothing. Of course the cause for their weight to go up, and some of their pains is that they are just older not that they are not moving the body they live in.

Hope this helps you put this topic in its proper perspective.

I read that the aging process starts in your twenties and noticed that some men even seem to think women my age are past their prime. I honestly thought the menopause starts earlier than you said.

I guess the fact that I also don't want kids means I fear the pressure to have them intensifying as my fertility decreases.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. I had a hysterectomy 16 days ago. When I was reading about it I read that if they don't take the ovaries you go into menopause at the normal time you would have. If they do take them you go right into full blown menopause. They prefer not to take the ovaries if you are pre menopause age unless there is something wrong with them so I still have mine. I'm 37 and even that is pretty young to be starting menopause.

Yeah, I read that even if they take the ovaries out, you still have to go through the menopause.

I had a hysterectomy, and they left the ovaries. All that did was delay the inevitable! I am having horrendous hot flashes and night sweats, as well as feeling irritable and bursting into tears over silly things, just as I did when I was a teen. Of course there are dangerous hormones to take, but I won't mess with them. I wish that there was a way to fast forward through this torture as well. It is far worse than anything I ever expected. And I have no idea how many more years of this I must endure before I am through it.

Some men, but not all that many, I don't think. You can't make generalisations about how one person will be attracted to another. The media does it - presents a particular ideal or stereotype, but this is usually to make people feel inadequate so that they buy more of their products.

Look at how things really are. There are all kinds of couples. There are all kinds of beauty. You are ageing throughout your adult life but it doesn't mean that you are losing your worth. You are just changing, transitioning, from year to year, gaining knowledge and wisdom - sometimes you will look worse than the year before, but at other times you will look better. A sixty year old woman can look ravisingly beautiful; a seventy year old woman can be playful and flirtatious. A twenty five year old can look like a hag. These things are not really related to the amount of wrinkles that you have either.

Anyhow, don't waste your life by being afraid of death.

My mum said she used to have heavy periods so she had a mirena coil in since she was 44. Her coil was giving off a hormone, I think. Anyway, years later she completely missed all the symptoms of menopause, unintentionally. I don't know why. It would be interesting to find out if this was the case for other women with the coil too.

My Mum's menopause was horrendous. At 50yrs, and prior to a natural menopause, she had a hysterectomy and her ovaries were removed. She was not put on any HRT, which was a mistake. I was only 10yrs old at the time, so couldn't advise her. 10 years later, when she was still having hot flushes and flying into rages, we had a discussion about HRT and that's when I realised she had never been on it. She went to the doc and there was a horrible moment for him, when he realised there had been a huge mistake. Anyway, she was put on them for 10 years (the maximum length of time). When she came off them, she started getting the menopause symptoms again, at 70. I read about soya isoflavones and she took them, which really helped.

Anyway, I'm almost 40. I'm not peri-menopausal yet. I've had IVF and no eggs were retrieved, but apparently I'm still ovulating. I still get a monthly period (regulated by agnus castus), although they can be horribly heavy and I've recently starting taking red raspberry lea tea, to reduce the flow. The heavy bleeding is due to my age, but not yet a sign of the menopause, I've been told. As you can tell, I'm a firm believer in natural and herbal remedies. If it wasn't for them, I'd be on drugs with nasty side effects and anticipating going in for a uterine ablation.

I didn't get married until age 54. My husband said that when he met me, he thought that I was at least ten years younger than he. And this is what amazed me; he was relieved to find that I was only three years younger. What was important to him, was that I came from the same generation and that we had lots in common. And he thinks I am beautiful because he loves me.

Wonderfully said!

I dunno, my boyfriend is different. He says he'll still want me as I get older, but I don't believe him. He's in his thirties, but all his crushes seem to be on girls in their late teens or early 20s.

That's what I feel like every day. One minute laughing like a lunatic and the other crying like I just got VERY bad news. It's horrible. I've just finished having a 17 day long period and when I look in the mirror, I look like I'm at death's door. I've gained 80 pounds - YES! 80 pounds the last two years. I blame my 13 year old. If I drank, I'd would have hit rock bottom by now. If I drugged, I'd probably would have overdosed. Food is my escape. My husband, ASS-PIE extraordinaire, REALLY gets on my nerves ESPECIALLY now. Last night, my kid brings home her report card, beautiful! A plus down to B minus. Do you know what that ASS said to her? With no expression on his face, he says, "Needs improvement." I felt like shoving a pair of sharp scissors into his chest REPEATEDLY. I feel too lethargic to ask for a divorce...and besides that would mean change. I don't like change. He's not a bad man. He's just a b***h!! !!

That's funny because I'm 51 and my crushes are all on guys in their 20's. I've been with my pain in the ass husband for 20 years now.

It was actually a relief for me when it started, because I was infertile, and menopause allowed me to get off the monthly emotional roller coaster that can cause, and the symptoms do go away. The worst for me was night sweats. There is no solution it seems, except HRT, which just delays the inevitable. There were hot flashes, but I just dressed in layers, kept something close by to fan myself with - and didn't let myself be embarrassed about doing that. Before I knew it they subsided, and the other side of menopause is quite freeing. Keeping off anything soy based (which mimics estrogen) helped me get through it faster.

But you're awfully young to worry about it now.

The only thing I really regret about aging - besides a new ache or pain every passing year - is that my memory isn't as good as it used to be - getting information to store in longterm memory takes longer, and more repetition or practice, so it takes me longer and more effort to learn new things. Vitamins really do help!

I had no desire till about five years ago. It was repressed by the coil I'd had put in for heavy periods. I'd had no sex or anything sexual for over twenty years, and had accepted that it was all over for me - not that it ever really began very much. But my desire came back when I was 49 or so, and I am in a relationship now, at the age of 52.

I worried at first that I would only be able to fancy young men, and they wouldn't want me. But when desire came back, it was men of my own age I was drawn towards. I would imagine that the same is true of men's desire for women.

When I was alone, I thought it was to do with my looks and my weight. Then, slowly, over the years, I realised that women who were as big as or larger than me, and whose looks were (so far as I could tell) the equivalent of mine in attractiveness, had lovers. So I believed there was something missing in me. Then I found out about Asperger's and autism, and very, very slowly, I realised why I had not had a lover for so long. Because it's tough for us, basically.

I am in the menopause now - having a bad time and trying to get the HRT right. But that's for another thread...