Why can't I find a girlfriend?

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Joined: 3 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 338
Location: London

22 Oct 2012, 12:00 am

I have tried so many things, every time i get close to a girl, she just wants to stay friends, every time. I've tried POF, no one ever replies, in fact, someone actually blocked me, I sent a message saying hi, then she blocked me. Is there something wrong with me?

What am I doing so wrong that I can't find a girlfriend. I've been told by many that any girl would be lucky to have me. But here I am, single.

Sorry for the rant but, does anyone have any tips?

Also, I hate this option on POF "Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex." Because just because I may have message someone who was looking for that, doesn't mean I was. Sheesh

_________________
Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised

Dan_Vincze
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 11 Sep 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

22 Oct 2012, 1:53 am

How long do you take to "get close" before asking her out? If you take too long getting to know her without showing romantic interest, this sends the message that you're not interested in her romantically, which leads her to think of you as a friend. Keep in mind, the first few dates should be when you two get close and decide what you think of each other.

Also, sometimes the girl you're attracted to just isn't attracted to you. There's nothing you can do about this besides pour yourself a drink and get on with your life.

Also, I don't know what you do for fun, but you might be better off meeting girls through shared activities than through dating sites.

Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

22 Oct 2012, 3:19 am

Well think about what you can do positively in your situation to improve your lifestyle. Focus on the positive things you can as such as improving your physique, looks and positivity. Think about what you can bring to a relationship and what someone else can bring to that relationship.

Relationships aren't everything when you are twenty, focus on the priorities that are at hand and realize what you really want. You don't want to end up in a situation or relationship that isn't going to be desirable to you in ten years time.

Metaljordy
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 338
Location: London

22 Oct 2012, 12:24 pm

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Also, sometimes the girl you're attracted to just isn't attracted to you. There's nothing you can do about this besides pour yourself a drink and get on with your life..

I know that sometimes there isn't anything I can do, she just isn't into me, but, for me, it seems like it's every time, not sometimes

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Also, I don't know what you do for fun, but you might be better off meeting girls through shared activities than through dating sites..

I have tried that, but I actually had a girl dislike me, because I complimented her.

Wolfheart wrote:

Relationships aren't everything when you are twenty, focus on the priorities that are at hand and realize what you really want. You don't want to end up in a situation or relationship that isn't going to be desirable to you in ten years time..

What I want is to love someone, and to be loved back.

_________________
Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised

DialAForAwesome
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing

22 Oct 2012, 1:27 pm

We're in about the same boat, buddy.

_________________
I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.

Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

22 Oct 2012, 1:32 pm

Perhaps not giving a tiny s**t about it would be an improvement.

thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

22 Oct 2012, 3:09 pm

Quote:

Asking a girl out is like shooting down the Death Star. There's a tiny window of opportunity. Wait to long, and she'll think your not interested or that she's 2nd best compared to some other girl that your waiting to see how she goes.

Quote:

Also, I hate this option on POF "Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex." Because just because I may have message someone who was looking for that, doesn't mean I was. Sheesh

Me thinks my BS detector went off a little.

Seriously though, if your looking for a girlfriend, why would you be messaging someone looking for a f**k buddy?

As for the rest, can you post some of your exchanges with girls?

Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

22 Oct 2012, 4:25 pm

It seems anybody finds someone these days, even if they are the most strangest people on Earth (not saying you are, which is exactly my point). So if there's a chance for those kinds of people, there's a chance for good people on the spectrum!

But, also, I think times have changed and that it is harder to get the one you want. I know plenty of NTs around my age who can't seem to find relationships, yet when my mum's generation were my age most of them were married and had their first baby already. But all of my adult cousins are aged between 18 and 26, and not one of them are married or have any kids, and they're all NTs.

_________________
Female

Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

22 Oct 2012, 4:32 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Lowering sexual standards seems to be the most painful thing to do for all of us these days, but yeah, anyone can get a date, even with extremely pretty people.

WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States

22 Oct 2012, 6:33 pm

Metaljordy wrote:

and i hate how everything is always a guys fault!

Dan_Vincze
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 11 Sep 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

22 Oct 2012, 7:46 pm

Metaljordy wrote:

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Also, I don't know what you do for fun, but you might be better off meeting girls through shared activities than through dating sites..

I have tried that, but I actually had a girl dislike me, because I complimented her.

Four possibilities come to mind:
A) You offered the wrong compliment.
B) You offered your compliment in the wrong context.
C) Your delivery was poor in some way or another.
D) She rejected you for reasons beyond your control.

(A) is the easiest to identify over the internet.
So, if you don't mind sharing, what did you say to her?

(B) is harder to address. Let us say "context" for the purposes of this discussion consists of:
(1) time,
(2) place, and
(3) attendant circumstances.
So, if you don't mind sharing, where and when and at what kind of event did you try talking to this girl?

(C) is even harder. Let us say "delivery" consists of:
(1) tone of voice,
(2) body language, and
(3) dress and grooming.
(1) and (2) are all but unreachable over the internet. If these are hard for you, as they are for many of us, get advice face-to-face. If there's an HFA or Asperger's support group in your area, they may be able to help.
As regards (3), people here can look at a photograph and give advice or opinions, and not much else.
So, if you don't mind sharing, how much care do you usually put into your appearance? Not every man can be Rudolph Valentino, but we needn't be Al Bundy either.

(D) is unreachable based on the very limited information available, so I won't address it.

Metaljordy
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 338
Location: London

22 Oct 2012, 9:10 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:

Me thinks my BS detector went off a little.

Seriously though, if your looking for a girlfriend, why would you be messaging someone looking for a f**k buddy?

As for the rest, can you post some of your exchanges with girls?

Well, okay, yeah, maybe, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able to talk to other people because of that, in my opinion, it's really rude.

What do you mean some exchanges?

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Metaljordy wrote:

Dan_Vincze wrote:
Also, I don't know what you do for fun, but you might be better off meeting girls through shared activities than through dating sites..

I have tried that, but I actually had a girl dislike me, because I complimented her.

Four possibilities come to mind:
A) You offered the wrong compliment.
B) You offered your compliment in the wrong context.
C) Your delivery was poor in some way or another.
D) She rejected you for reasons beyond your control.

(A) is the easiest to identify over the internet.
So, if you don't mind sharing, what did you say to her?

(B) is harder to address. Let us say "context" for the purposes of this discussion consists of:
(1) time,
(2) place, and
(3) attendant circumstances.
So, if you don't mind sharing, where and when and at what kind of event did you try talking to this girl?

(C) is even harder. Let us say "delivery" consists of:
(1) tone of voice,
(2) body language, and
(3) dress and grooming.
(1) and (2) are all but unreachable over the internet. If these are hard for you, as they are for many of us, get advice face-to-face. If there's an HFA or Asperger's support group in your area, they may be able to help.
As regards (3), people here can look at a photograph and give advice or opinions, and not much else.
So, if you don't mind sharing, how much care do you usually put into your appearance? Not every man can be Rudolph Valentino, but we needn't be Al Bundy either.

(D) is unreachable based on the very limited information available, so I won't address it.

Well, I'm leaning more to (A) or (B), but still doesn't mean she should stop being my friend because of it, if she didn't like me complimenting her, she should have said so, and she knows I wouldn't be able to pick up on any hints she may have dropped.

_________________
Your Aspie score: 94 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 87 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I am surprised

metaldanielle
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Mar 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,048

23 Oct 2012, 2:44 pm

Metaljordy wrote:

thewhitrbbit wrote:

As for the rest, can you post some of your exchanges with girls?

What do you mean some exchanges?

He means post some conversations that u have had w/ girls, so ppl can critique ur complements and timing and stuff.

_________________
"Be kind to one another" -Ellen Degeneres

WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States

23 Oct 2012, 3:04 pm

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Metaljordy wrote:

Dan_Vincze wrote:

Also, I don't know what you do for fun, but you might be better off meeting girls through shared activities than through dating sites..

I have tried that, but I actually had a girl dislike me, because I complimented her.

and i don't get why it looks pathetic, dumb, stupid for a guy to hate women

DarkRellen
Butterfly

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 9
Location: None Of Your Damn Business

23 Oct 2012, 4:01 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:

We're in about the same boat, buddy.

same

Dan_Vincze
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 11 Sep 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

23 Oct 2012, 6:11 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

and i don't get why it looks pathetic, dumb, stupid for a guy to hate women

I don't know why you would respond thus to my post. Regardless, I will try to explain.

Suppose you make an offer to someone, any offer: a date, a relationship, a crate of widgets, et cetera. He or she is not interested and rejects the offer. What is the reasonable thing to do?
1) Find someone more interested in what you have to offer;
2) Work to make your offer more attractive; or
3) Get angry at your offeree?

Now, imagine you're part of some group: racial, religious, et cetera. Would you want to associate with someone who told anyone who'd listen how much they hated your group, and by implication, you?

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Jump to:

Why can't I find a girlfriend? Post Reply New Topic

Why can't I find a girlfriend?