Parties are for celebrities, office workers and hen nights. The only kind of bashes where these occasions do mutually exist, are wakes and somebody who is really special to a lot of people and reached maybe a huge milestone or turning point in their lives. This one was real.. I once had a driving test party, that could have ended badly, had I not jammed two feet on the brakes. Some guy bought a case of donuts that he shared around with everyone. Ended up on a really bad induction to the car industry which resulted in my imminent escape to a nearby corner shop. Jumped back on the minibus amid a full torrent of abuse on the journey home( for disappearing I guess), and not being grateful for a one day s**t induction with a fake driving instructor and an awareness course I didn't really need as I never drove.
I was about twenty when this happened, the whole thing was a f*****g hijacked birthday. I consoled myself later by going into the chippy and getting myself a massive cheeseburger and chips and eating it back at my families house. I did swear back at them,(the motley anchor troupe from that s**t ride) that the were all a bunch of a***holes with a lot of finger gesturing. I never had such an awful humiliating birthday in all my life. I can remember some bad masses, but that one was the worst. I'm lucky they dropped me off near my familiar surrounds. That's what you get for free, from a bunch of Hitlers. If I had to mention a coughing fit in a French Opera House no one would really believe me, yet, that also did occur. Flight of the Bumblebee by Korsakov was on my mind as another operatic disaster.
Always stick to low key events and put two feet on the ground, even if you feel like your life is going no where, incognito, because let me tell you, there are worse people and party planners out there, that don't have your best interests at heart and do what they can just for the outtakes. Yep, these days, that little story I just imparted would be everyone's shared Instagram page. I'm glad we had the live Beadle shows for televised commercials and have sanitary air conditioned vents when a gathering like an encore appears imminent. Oh yeah, always leave before the final curtain is up, or you could end up like mosquito ink down another red carpet of ridiculed performances.
So, happy birthday to anyone who is reading this, and learn another way to have your knees up in the comfort of your own in built surrounds, that mirrors only your defences, anything else is just another photographic memory, which you don't need in your broken shell of a life.
Last year I dined thirty at an inner city suburbia restaurant and as usual appreciated my food, even the choice of rose that came free for new customers. No swearing, or abuse and no bumpy rides to rinse out my palette.
What came with a decent pudding became a better b-day, but with fewer people in which to share it with. I'll clink to that.
15 Mar 2019, 6:55 pm
