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Kaelynn
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26 Oct 2012, 10:33 pm

I am going to test for my drivers lisence soon and I will be going many places all alone which I have never done. Is this generally hard for aspies or is it better then having friends or family with you? I want to but then another part of me is afriad that I will have some sort of a meltdown or something. How was going out places alone for you the first few times??



SickInDaHead
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26 Oct 2012, 10:36 pm

You will find that out of maybe 10 friends you have, one or two you can go places with, the rest will be a source of irritation.

All at once will make you want to drive off a cliff with them in the vehicle.



dajand8
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26 Oct 2012, 10:45 pm

It is easier to go places with others, I find. But you can go places alone if you try not to stand out and attract attention. It is hard at restaurants, so I would recommend somewhere like chipotle where you can discreetly go in line and leave with a carryout to eat in your car alone instead of at a table in the restaurant.



DerStadtschutz
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26 Oct 2012, 10:50 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
I am going to test for my drivers lisence soon and I will be going many places all alone which I have never done. Is this generally hard for aspies or is it better then having friends or family with you? I want to but then another part of me is afriad that I will have some sort of a meltdown or something. How was going out places alone for you the first few times??


Well, it's always easier to go somewhere you've never been before with someone else who has than it is to go by yourself... But at the same time, when you get your license, you're gonna get a bunch of people who will try to use you for rides, so be careful with that.



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26 Oct 2012, 10:53 pm

Don't think about "what's easiest for aspies"; think about what is easiest for you. You should know if you prefer to be alone or if you prefer to have a companion with you. Some things I need help with, so I need people to go along with me. Generally I do fine on my own, though, because by nature I am a very solitary person. You should know what is best for you just by thinking about the scenario. Are you terrified or really nervous to go alone? If so, then you will probably fare better with company. Are you completely at peace with it? If so, you should be fine. I've had meltdowns on my own, but not because of my solitude--because something had set it off, and I just happened to be alone. if you are prone to meltdowns, it may or may not happen, and it may or may not make a difference whether you have someone there. If driving, just pull over until it passes, and make sure you have a cell phone on you just in case.

Edit: I should also add that it depends on WHERE you are speaking of. Many different kinds of situations require different needs. I will not go to a family party unless my parents take me. I will rarely ever go to a friend's party even with my closest friends, but IF I do go, I HAVE to have someone with me (mostly to help me communicate and navigate through the confusing social networks---I always end up alone in a corner anyway though). That being said, these are SOCIAL events. I can easily fly to another country with four layovers (I did that this spring!) completely alone with no assistance whatsoever. That is because it is a solitary activity that requires very little communicative and social effort on my part. I can read the signs that tell me where I need to be, and which direction to go. The noise can be overwhelming sometimes, but I take earplugs with me and basically block out my surroundings. I sit in a quiet area away from others, and put myself into my own little world. NT people are often amazed at my travel abilities, when they wouldn't even travel alone--but it is not so daunting for me because I am used to be alone anyway. Again, it is all about context, and where you are going and what is most comfortable with you. Don't take people just because you think that is what aspies need. Likewise, don't go alone simply because you think you are supposed to be able to.


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26 Oct 2012, 11:32 pm

I went places alone a long time ago, and I've found it enjoyable.


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daydreamersworld
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27 Oct 2012, 12:40 am

For me..It depends..i usually like to have one of my sisters with me because then usually i dont get so much anxiety and keeps me from having a meltdown or whatever. Although there are times I go places alone and i usually just get in and out especially when there are alot of people around it makes me more anxious and feel easily iritated by it. I enjoy being driving the car alone most times but getting out of the car to run errands or wutever i dont like to do that alone. Although there are times even when I am with one of my sisters I get frustrated easily.



lazamb_girl
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27 Oct 2012, 1:54 am

I like to travel and see new places. On long trips, I prefer to go with one person who I am comfortable with so that I can make sure I am comfortable and prevent meltdowns. I once went on a trip with a bigger group.It was a disaster. I was constantly irritated and miserable.

littlelily613 wrote:
Don't think about "what's easiest for aspies"; think about what is easiest for you. You should know if you prefer to be alone or if you prefer to have a companion with you.

I totally agree with this!

I would like to learn to travel alone. But I am scared that I might feel totally lonely and overwhelmed by everything new. A familiar person around helps me to be comfortable. I am determined to train for it by taking short one day trips by myself.

EDIT: That said, I live alone and on a daily basis I go everywhere alone and I mostly prefer it that way. I create a comfort zone where I live, with what I do etc. and I find it difficult if things are changed without prior notice.


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27 Oct 2012, 2:15 am

That all depends on you. You are a person, not a disability. There will be some places you can deal with quite easily and some you cannot. You'll have to experiment to find out what they are. Push yourself a little though as it will force you to grow and learn how to deal with new types of people and situations. Obviously, you should avoid anything obviously dangerous (biker bars with racist flags flying outside, for example), but places like stores and restaurants that are not inherently dangerous are places you should try to experience. For me, I am not comfortable going to bars or night clubs, but going to a junkyard, tool supply store, hardware store, parts store, etc. are fine. Then again, that's where my interests lie and where I can be confident with what I am going to do or say should the need arise. Plus, honestly, most people won't bother you. The worst they might do is look in your direction or maybe whisper something to someone else about you, but neither of these things poses a danger to you.


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27 Oct 2012, 2:33 am

It can be easier to have someone whose movements and body language you are familiar with to take your cues off when in a new environment I find.

However, personally I have few friends and find like the first respondent, I'm not always flexible enough to deal with what others want to do while I'm in a new situation, and dealing with more than one other person at once can make you wish they'd all just go away.



lonelyguy
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27 Oct 2012, 3:34 am

I think at first you will feel a bit stressed when you drive to places that are out side your area..so having someone with you helps you to cope a little better..as time goes by you get a little more convident..having a sat nav helps at least you don't get lost.
I still feel a little stressed when i have to drive outside my comfort zone when i am on my own..but i am trying to challenge myself to overcome this fear. 8)