The reason why I fear to be alone (friendless)

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Joe90
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29 Oct 2012, 12:58 pm

A lot of people say to me that having friends that don't treat you right is worse than having no friends at all. They do have a point, but that does not stop me having the fear of a loss of friends. Right now I can only count all the friends I have got on one hand, and I can safely say that they do treat me like a proper friend, but I'm still afraid of losing them. I know people come and go, which is what I'm afraid of, especially knowing I've never been that lucky with friends.

But the reason why I fear having no friends is because everyone around me have more friends to do things with, and it will just make me feel more isolated and miserable. Also I start to take it personally, and when I was at school I was completely friendless for a while, and somebody criticised me and said, ''that's because you don't get on with anyone.'' They didn't mean it in a nasty way, this person knew I had AS and so thought it was just my AS that makes it harder for me to get along with people, so having no friends might just remind me of that and then have moments where it'd scare me a little. At least having a few friends I can then know that there are some people out there who have the heart to put up with me.

Anyone else feel the same?


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Colinn
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29 Oct 2012, 1:47 pm

I feel when a person drops out of your life, particularly a friend there is usually a genuine reason behind it. I've had plenty of friends that I've drifted from purely because we were totally different people with different interests and mindsets. As our minds mature those differences become fundamental to who we are, which makes it illogical to maintain a friendship with someone who you can't be your true self with. I too have had poor luck when it comes to making friends, but I'm pretty content doing things on my own now. I still have friends that I regularly keep in touch with online, and that does enough to satisfy my own need for socializing.



lazamb_girl
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29 Oct 2012, 3:41 pm

Thanks Joe90. You set me up for my rant now. I am extremely lonely and miserable right now. I feel like I have been abandoned cos where I live I have no friends at all. By friends I mean someone close to me who has got my back.. I have just a handful of people who I talk to on a regular basis. and Just 2-3 of them I am totally comfortable with. All of them live far away and none in the same city or state. All my existing friends are those who have stuck on despite the fact that I have totally been nasty. I have even had patched where I did not speak to them. But they chose to stick with me despite that. But now, since we can just chat or speak over phone, I play nice all the time. I do not show all my true emotions.

I do not get along with people. A lot of times people don't get me and so I prefer not to talk. Now I feel like there IS actually no one to talk.
Well I post in this forum these days. This is the first online forum I have actually posted in because after reading a few threads I kind of felt at home. But all this is a lie. Nobody knows me here. So it is all frustrating.

I do not think I helped either the OP or myself by this rant.


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Radiofixr
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29 Oct 2012, 7:35 pm

I feel the same way as to losig friends-it has happened many times over the year-I havent abandoned them-they have all left,abandoned,thrown me away as a friend-all of my life it has happened and it doesnt get any easier as I get older.


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Dantac
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30 Oct 2012, 10:00 am

Joe90 wrote:
A lot of people say to me that having friends that don't treat you right is worse than having no friends at all. They do have a point, but that does not stop me having the fear of a loss of friends. Right now I can only count all the friends I have got on one hand, and I can safely say that they do treat me like a proper friend, but I'm still afraid of losing them. I know people come and go, which is what I'm afraid of, especially knowing I've never been that lucky with friends.

But the reason why I fear having no friends is because everyone around me have more friends to do things with, and it will just make me feel more isolated and miserable. Also I start to take it personally, and when I was at school I was completely friendless for a while, and somebody criticised me and said, ''that's because you don't get on with anyone.'' They didn't mean it in a nasty way, this person knew I had AS and so thought it was just my AS that makes it harder for me to get along with people, so having no friends might just remind me of that and then have moments where it'd scare me a little. At least having a few friends I can then know that there are some people out there who have the heart to put up with me.

Anyone else feel the same?


That pretty much sums it up. I've never had more than 1 or 2 friends at any point in my life. As things go it lasts for barely a year then they drift away as their other social networks gravitate that person away from me.

Its become a pattern that is all too recognizable.