The guy I like is trans

Post Reply New Topic

I just discovered it yesterday from a mutual friend that he (or she I guess, I have no f*****g clue) is trans. Now I'm bisexual so I don't see this a major issue. It's just kind of...weird I guess. I consider myself a fairly open-minded person, but I never imagined myself dating anyone a transgender person. At school he is extremely attractive (I consider him to most attractive person at school), but this just adds a completely different element to the situation.

Also, any advice on how not to offend him or her would be nice. As you can see, I'm new to this.

For starters, none of that. He answers to male pronouns. Don't call him "she" or "he/she" or anything insensitive like that. Regardless of his biological sex he is a man and should be treated like one.

Be respectful of any personal or physical boundaries he has. If something you are saying or doing causes him discomfort or dysphoria, stop doing it. Open and honest communication is very important here.

Aside from that, it shouldn't be different from dating any other guy.

Thanks. I'm pretty ignorant on this subject, I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Yes, absolutely always refer to the person as the gender they identify as (in this case, male - at least, I'm assuming this person was biologically female and is transitioning in that direction, please correct me if I'm wrong). I transitioned from female to male myself, and communication is the most important thing. If you do have a relationship with him, there may be things about his body he is uncomfortable or selfconscious about, especially if he has not physically transitioned yet, so you need to make sure the communication between you is very clear. However, that very much depends on the person - some transguys are perfectly comfortable with having female parts, some are extremely dysphoric and unhappy about them, with probably the majority somewhere in between, so it's something you would need to discuss with him.

Don't worry about not knowing anything about it - most people don't, and as long as you are open-minded and respectful, and tell him you are learning about it and to let you know if you make any faux pas, I'm sure he will be very pleased you are supportive and open about it.

Just try to separate his body and who he is in your mind first of all. If you like him, you like him.

If you do end up getting involved with him, just be honest that you don't know much about trans people. Be open with him. Learn what you can. Apologise where needed and try to understand why something upsets him/makes him uncomfortable. He won't be angry with you if you admit you might make mistakes when it comes to terminology. Only ask questions with a level of detail you'd be comfortable asking anyone else. Remember that being trans isn't the only aspect to his personality.

Also thought I should mention that your mutual friend really shouldn't have told you. Let him tell you when and how (and only if) he wants. Make sure you don't tell anyone else. This is an intensely private thing and he would probably like some control over who knows, particularly potential romantic partners.

Let him know you like him if you haven't already. Make an attempt to start getting to know him.

If things go well, even just friendship, he'll have the chance to open up to you. It's likely that he is used to people knowing little about trans people.

What's important to most trans people I know is that it's not the most important thing about them in your eyes and that you're open to learning about it.

The replies in this thread make me happy.

Hi, I am a genetic woman and my partner is a pre-op male to female transsexual. She has been taking hormones for quite a number of years now but is unable to fully transition due to several serious medical conditions (including blood clots caused by eostrogen).

Being with my partner is certainly an interesting experience if nothing else . But I love her to bits and wouldn't have her any other way. It most certainly takes some getting used to in many ways, none the least people's reactions. Gay and lesbian relationships are becoming more acceptable, but the transgender community have a long way to go unfortunately in being understood and having the general public educated about their sexuality. It is not a choice, just like being gay or straight isn't a choice, but many out there do not believe this and make life very difficult for those in the trans community. I can only speak from my limited perspective as I am not in partner's shoes. Even though I am older, if you want to chat, please feel free to pm me.

Good luck and hope it all works out for you

Maz

Most attractive, huh? You got any pics?

Go for it. Good luck!