Why are couples so mean to single people

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hurtloam
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07 Nov 2012, 8:44 am

Thought this was interesting

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20219349

It's not necessarily couples either, could be well meaning relatives.

I liked this from the article:

"Perhaps we are too honest to be coupled. Perhaps we cannot tell another person: "I love only you. And I will love you forever."

It's quite difficult to tell someone the more truthful: "I love you, you know, for now."

Sorry. The single person might just be too self-possessed."

I am quiet an honest person, so I couldn't just be with someone just for a while. Maybe this is why am alone. I don't want to commit to someone I only kinda like, or maybe think I could just possibly love. I'm not bothered about being alone enough to just be with someone for a while to fill the gap till I find someone I really want to be with.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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07 Nov 2012, 8:54 am

Social expectations I guess...kind of sad really that some people are like that...especially when there are a lot of single parents these days.


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thewhitrbbit
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07 Nov 2012, 9:38 am

Single people around a couple represent a threat. Could they be trying to steal your bf/gf? Are they staying single waiting for you to break up?



Venger
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07 Nov 2012, 10:24 am

I had a friend that acted slightly hostile towards me sometimes because I wasn't a "family man" like him(married w/kids).



hurtloam
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07 Nov 2012, 11:59 am

Reminds me of a song by Del Amitri

No Family Man - Del Amitri



JanuaryMan
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07 Nov 2012, 12:24 pm

You'll find insecure couples that need validating on their relationship might be quick to judge single people or be opportunistic to differentiate with them on a viewpoint.
There is also the case as Venger said, where depending on who is single one of the people in the couple might perceive them to be a threat to their relationship so will go out of their way to find something to hate on that person.

Not all couples are like this, though. I think it's only the ones suffering from some kind of insecurity be it with their relationship or personal shortcomings.

I know a lot of couples that are just fine with me and they in no way make me out to be a 3rd wheel when out on the town. Then there's my guy friends that are married and they have no problems with any of the dudes talking to their wives. All in all it's because they have relationships built on trust and other solid foundations. :)



Uprising
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07 Nov 2012, 12:55 pm

That'll keep them away from you, which is good!



Venger
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07 Nov 2012, 1:13 pm

The "family man" type guys usually want every other guy to be like them to validate their complicated non-peaceful lives. Being married sounds quite annoying to me especially with multiple kids.



ValentineWiggin
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08 Nov 2012, 3:23 am

I think all of society is mean to single people, actually,
both in presuming they WANT to be with someone, and judging them since they're not.

Someone who's not part of a couple or at the very least dating is seen as the butt of a joke loser, and it's screwed up.


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08 Nov 2012, 4:01 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
I think all of society is mean to single people, actually,
both in presuming they WANT to be with someone, and judging them since they're not.

Someone who's not part of a couple or at the very least dating is seen as the butt of a joke loser, and it's screwed up.

To be honest, I think this will change over time as the privacy of life will get way more respected the longer we live as a result to overpopulation (lack of space) and the increase of intolerance towards each other for example. (failing marriages)



Evy7
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08 Nov 2012, 4:03 am

Interesting read, I had no idea this correlation existed. I haven;t experienced it though.



Greb
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08 Nov 2012, 4:55 am

I'm in my late thirties, single, and I have not such experience of couples saying this kind of things. If your social circle is mean beacuse you're single, I'd suggest to find new friends. :wink:



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08 Nov 2012, 5:26 am

Of course not everyone who's part of a couple has the same views.

But I think when people are in a happy relationship, they may find it hard to understand why someone would choose to be single. Especially if their own experience is that they thought they were happy single, and then discovered whole new levels of happiness when they found a partner.
Or they pity people who are single but not by choice, which is always going to be patronising.

There is a sense that people who have families are perhaps safer or have their lives together. If someone has kids and a steady partner, they might be perceived as more trustworthy. Though of course that can be a complete misconception, as some people can treat their families terribly behind closed doors - perhaps the majority opinion implies a level of responsibility and normality to people with long term partners, though.

I think the main negative view of single people is pity. And since a lot of single people would rather be single, it's not so straightforward as to say that's a misconception. People who are single by choice may be less understood, but since they're making the choice for themselves, at least they're in a happier place to start with and can hopefully ignore any negative opinions that come their way - it shouldn't have to be a big deal to them.



ValentineWiggin
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08 Nov 2012, 5:28 am

I can't fathom preferring to be single,
but I know from being asexual that ways of being considered elemental to others aren't necessarily true for everyone-
thus...why presume everyone desires what I desire?

It makes no sense.


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hurtloam
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08 Nov 2012, 6:19 am

To be honest it's not so much friends that are the problem. I used the title of the bbc article as the title of the thread just because it was the title.

I find family more annoying. I put off going to visit relatives because I know that they will ask "haven't you found someone yet?" I can't be bothered with that conversation... again. I reply now "no one worth keeping" to make it look like I have made a decision to be on my own.

Old ladies I hardly know are the worst. They always want to have you paired off.



Greb
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08 Nov 2012, 7:55 am

hurtloam wrote:
To be honest it's not so much friends that are the problem. I used the title of the bbc article as the title of the thread just because it was the title.

I find family more annoying. I put off going to visit relatives because I know that they will ask "haven't you found someone yet?" I can't be bothered with that conversation... again. I reply now "no one worth keeping" to make it look like I have made a decision to be on my own.

Old ladies I hardly know are the worst. They always want to have you paired off.


Be aware that meeting this kind of people (can't call them friends really) that are mean to you is gonna take you to the point of thinking that this is a normal relation, so that's what you expect, so you are afraid of meeting new people.

You should try harder to meet new people. And as soon as you have them, kick some asses that deserve to be kicked. No matter if you're shy or you have some social difficulties, you don't deserve to be treated in a mean way. Be sure of that.