My son is 11 almost 12 and for us the computer/youtube/xbox/ps3/ds didnt really become an issue until about age 10. Recently it has become a special interest... specifically Minecraft, both playing and watching youtube videos of it. so we have had more issues as well. One of the things that has worked well for us is helping him to understand the social rules. He doesn't always like it, but as he gets to play what he wants more, he is willing to work hard at the social rules. For us that means...
1) If it is a nice day outside, someone wants to play with you, or the family is doing an activity together, then you are expected to do that first knowing there will be screentime later (designated every day so he is not worried about missing it entirely).
2) responsibilities come before screentime... so you have to get ready in the morning, do your homework, chores, help with dinner etc.
3) you have to do at least one thing with the family (watch a tv show, play a game, play outside, have a conversation etc.) every day after dinner for about an hour.
4) After 8:00 is your time (this time works for us as my son has no sleep issues).
5) On weekends, family comes first, and I promise to allow you some extra screentime (this is decided each weekend depending on what we are doing).
6) Attitude counts (if you whine, complain too much, or refuse to participate... you do not earn your screentime.) Your mere presence does not count as family time.
7) If you are getting overwhelmed/too upset... mom or dad will point it out and you are expected to resolve it (take a break, take a deep breath, calm down, change games) or if you are not able to reslove it alone, we will turn of that game for the rest of the day
This works for us. I understand, it may not work for younger children, or some children who need more downtime. I guess the thing is we are very clear about our expectations, that it is not about him being on the computer/xbox etc, but it is about the expectations of being part of a family and being a friend. If he meets those expectations, then we have no problem with how much of his time he spends doing what he likes to do. We talk a lot about why we make the choices we do as parents, because it is very important for him to understand in order to cooperate fully.
It also helps that dad is a gamer and uses video cames to destress and recharge, so he fully understands. He also is a good role model. He doesn't play on video games in place of family time. He is always willing to turn off a game to help make dinner, play with the kids or go places with the family. When he gets upset and frustrated with a game, he may occassionally say something negative, but he does not yell, or throw a fit about it and he gets off and does something else or changes games when it is too frustrating. Whenever he goes to play a game, he says, "If we are not doing anything else, I am going to play __________, let me know if you need me." He applies the same above rules to himself that he expects his son to obey.
Also, I agree with many of the previous posters, that while you have to find the right balance for your family, it is important to realize that your family balance for screentime may not match that of other families. I am sure that others think that I let my children play too many video games and do not restrict the content enough. At the same time, I think they have their kids in too many activities, push academics too early, and don't let them be kids enough.
10 Dec 2012, 6:44 am
