High Functioning, Gifted and/or Female?

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I'm a male
Diagnosed in 1984 before Asperger's was even a diagnosis
Genius- but failed in school/GED, no practical purpose for their curriculum.
Gifted in every art form imaginable but I hate art.
I can draw but i don't like to.
I do use my talents in construction and engineering etc.

My Daughter
Genius - straight A's and loves academics. Wants those A's
Good thing to collect!
Talented in drawing, but not as much.
She is in Pre-med now. Does very well

My Son Just like me with out the drawing abilities (we would never allow him to fail)
My Brother same thing failed school
My Father Same thing Made it though school though
My Sister did great in school

So it's much different for Girls than Boys
the one girl I dated with AS has the most photographic memory.
I can ask her of things that happened 25 years ago and she remembers instantly. Where it takes me longer.
Accept for the part where she dumped me I remember that!

The most important thing I can say is to research and embrace Aspergers.
I like to think we are the Grail blood line! Come on you know it's true.
Learn what situations cause anxiety and avoid them.
Focus on intellectually pleasing careers with plenty of room to expand your mind.
The older I get the more information I need to absorb.
Avoid closed minded people They are Poison.
Find others with AS
I absolutely feel the best around others with AS in the way I have it. Comfortable, accepted, knowledgeable.
You will notice that others that have intelligence the way you have it enjoy talking about things. If they don't then they think you're a know it all.

And Those IQ tests are just for you, if you mention IQ to a NT they get pissed... stay away from that topic and AS unless you are really close friends.

I'm female, have mild AS, and I don't know about gifted, but smart. IQ's been as high as 140.

It just is...? I'm high functioning enough that it often depends on the day what issues I face. When I have enough energy and am happy with what I'm doing, I may as well be neurotypical. At least I don't have any trouble. But when I'm stressed or otherwise not in my happy place, the AS is much more obvious. So... the issues.

- I have a hard time reading people's body language/facial expressions beyond the basics unless it's exaggerated.
- I don't know how to connect with people on a deeper level. I have friends, but they were either roommates I happened to click with or they initiated the friendship
- I have the hardest time having empathy for others. When I see people suffering, I'm paralyzed. I might solve the problem, but that's the best I can do.
- I have great powers of concentration (especially with art and music), often to the point of forgetting about people.
- slow processing in social situations. For example, if you were to ask me what I did last week, it would take forever for me to answer. I'm processing the whole situation intellectually and I'm going through a giant mental file cabinet to figure out what that person wants to hear.
- black and white/literal thinking. I intellectually know better, but I still do.

Advantages:
- I have the smarts to make up for most of the issues most of the time. I can't read people too well on an intuitive level, but I have read and researched about facial expressions and try to use that to compensate.
- I'm good at what I do thanks to my obsessive and perfectionistic tendencies
- Thanks to being female, I've been conditioned to be more sensitive and less awkward than I otherwise might be

Differences from other people I know of on the spectrum:
- I stim but not enough that it's noticeable or problematic
- I exhibit black and white/literal thinking but I usually catch myself before I actually say anything
- this is probably more of an introvert/extrovert thing, but many people I know on the spectrum get themselves out there, only to fail miserably. I just realize what my weaknesses are and avoid them, for better or worse
- I do have some sensory issues but they're pretty mild and vary with stress. It's generally not handicapping for me.

Last edited by Erminetheawkward on 12 Nov 2012, 9:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

AS or HFA, 170, male.

I think many of the problems people with BAP have in the confidence department, regarding their intellect, has much to do with how they are taught. The teaching methods used on children in general are not as effective for people with BAP, in my opinion. This causes them to be taught to do things in a less than efficient or effective manner. They are capable of using their more innate methods with basic problems and puzzles, because this isn't something drilled in during education, but when it comes to many other more commonly used, and thus taught skills... the poorly suited education inspired methods are tapped, and to less than optimal results.

In my own case, I had savant like math skills up until middle school... where I was failed in algebra for not showing my work (I was in very advanced placement). The answer "There is no work to show" and the fact I never got anything wrong... did nothing to prevent me from failing the class. Or from being mocked by my teacher in front of the class... I digress... I had to go back and relearn the method of doing arithmetic that everyone else used, which took some time, and was never as accurate, fast, or efficient as my innate primary method that had been rapidly developing. But due to the strict method that the educational system imposed, I was forced to abandon my personal method by necessity for the standard "acceptable" method, and my talent was left to atrophy.

Whatever it is that allows me that capacity is still there though, just not in the fine tuned condition it would likely be today had it been encouraged or embraced. As I have discovered over the past few years or so, I've reawakened this skill. Initially while working with my son and helping him learn basic math, but then I ran with it on my own and have been gradually improving it to solve ever increasingly complex equations. Slowly, I'm undoing the damage done by trying to force me to think in a way that isn't natural for me.

All of that is anecdotal, and specific to a one subject. But I think it applies to a far larger point. Many people have unique ways of going about solving problems, and if their natural strengths are not encouraged, or worse yet actively suppressed... then they will find themselves in the odd position of being naturally gifted, but functionally disadvantaged. The mind requires exercise to strengthen, what you practice you will improve... it only makes sense to improve upon your natural strengths instead of forcing thought patterns upon us that require extreme strain. Maybe my experiences have biased me? Very possible. But I firmly believe that the one size fits all approach of schooling in early life is just plain ignorant and wrong. Our society should know better by now, but it just keeps forcing it down our children's throats and drilling it home through rote memorization.

That I think is what strongly contributes to this problem people often experience where they feel both capable of being gifted, but not experiencing the results of it.

The more I've gone back and taught myself how to use my natural gifts instead of rote standard methods, the more professionally successful I've had too. The more effective and "gifted" I've felt. The less often I'm referred to as "the most brilliant ret*d guy I've ever met"... most often being replaced with "That quirky genius who works nights" or similar now.

Years ago, before I really started down this road of self remastering, my life was in shambles. A few briefs stints of homelessness, debts, just bad stuff all around. Since I've embraced my uniqueness, my peculiar talents and strengths, developed them and made them my selling point, I've had nothing but monumental improvements in life. And I mean it, monumental.

Something I noticed that you said you don't have meltdowns or shutdowns.

I used to think that too. That was because I didn't reecognise them for what they were when I was having them. I didn't realise the difference between "losing my temper" and having a overload, meltdown or shutdown.

It might be something for you to think about.

Thanks for your response. Your suggestion above interests me. I have read Aspergirls and now just finished 22 Things (to know about your Aspergirl), both by Rudy Simone.

The interesting thing is when I read Aspergirls towards the beginning of all my research, I didn't identify enough with it to feel that it applied to me. It was a major reason I came to the conclusion that, whilst I am definitely BAP, I'm no more than that and the issues I do face couldn't possibly come under an AS diagnosis (e.g. I don't have sensory issues or experience meltdowns).

However, reading 22 Things was completely different. There are whole chapters in there where I'm thinking "yes, that's me and oh yes I relate to that. Definitely!". I've been reading it to my partner too now and he agrees that it fits very well.

It seems odd to me that I can relate so differently to two books by the same author and about the same subject.

An interesting thought. However, what I also don't have much of is 'moods'. I only ever get irritated or angry if someone actively does something which I consider unjust or obstructive in some way. Unlike my very moody partner, I am unaffected by tiredness, hunger, blood sugar, messiness etc. as well as not having obvious sensory issues. I think I'm hypo-sensitive if anything.

The only thing I experience that could be remotely similar to a meltdown or shutdown is that I really can't handle confrontation, rejection or emotional overload. If my partner and I have a fight, he will get very impatient and aggressive (but never actually dangerous) and I will instantly start crying, withdraw and try to run away. I can never stand up for myself or advocate for myself and the stupidest things will make me burst into tears whether I want to or not. I can't control it and often it feels entirely physiological rather than emotional. However this almost never happens in public so it can't be such a big deal for me as all that.

The other thing I do get occasionally is the smallest hint of selective mutism. It's not person/situation specific, but topic specific. There are certain words or things I just can't say and my throat and mind just close up on me if I try. However, it goes away as soon as I give up and stop trying to force myself to say whatever it is so I don't have this thing of being unable to speak for hours or days or anything. This issue means there are things my partner and I can't ever discuss verbally, though I can by e-mail to some extent. I think again it's to do with emotional overload.

I had the same experience too. It was when I went to get my diagnosis that I recognized the meltdowns. I am married so my husband was also involved with my diagnosis during some of the evaluation quetions. I am now learning to recognize the start of a meltdown and learning how to defuse it. As other women have stated here, I think I have very simple emotions. I am trying to be more aware of them. Sometimes it amazes me that I can be so smart but not grasp these simple emotional things that kids naturally figure out. I guess that's just part of the aspergers/autism.

Could you describe some of the things you became aware of with regards to meltdowns? What's your husbands experience of it? And what do you mean by simple emotions? What have you learned since you started trying to become more aware of them?

Sorry for lots of questions, but I'm curious to understand more.

The bolded part sounds exactly like me when when the last trigger was emotional, which sets off an overload. Depending on the last trigger (out of the 4 on my list), every one is little bit different. Sounds like you have alexithymia too to some extent, which is partly making the emotional overloads worse. To the extent it sounds like you can't deal with your own feelings at the moment or process them in real time, so you are overloading from it instead. When I overload my first instinct is to escape. If I can't escape, that is when it can turn (if idiots keep pushing me) from an overload into a full blown meltdown.

Yeah,i think is logic,because im studying an engineering, and most classes are logic based, and i didnt say i won all subjects, i failed subjects and im failing subjects right now, and really bad, i almost failed in school, with my grades i barely could get into university, and just because they called some of us(the latter ones in the admision list), and maked us make an exam, and i got an score above average.

I think im failing because of my adhd, and because im not studying what i really wanted, like i say i excel in some subjects that are mostly intelligent based, but when they are practice based, i fail so bad,or just get to pass the subject in the lowest note, and i got friends that get perfect scores in some subjects, and yet they dont seem to intelligent, just too much study, or i dont know, so im thinking.

If they get better grades,and i get lower grades, then my iq test got wrong, and im just dumb.
I know grades cant tell how intelligent you are, but in this moment, i can see the different between getting good grades and being intelligent.

I don't know if this will make sence but if I have to do something twice because the first time I made a stupid mistake I would throw a fit and get extremely upset. I would not get mad at the people around me but I did not realize how unpleasent I was to be around during one of these meltdowns. (I never even thought of them as meltdowns or fits- it was a natural reaction to me) I still hate hate hate having to do something again due to something I forgot during the process or just do to something stupid I did but now I am doing better at containing that anger and calming myself down instead of others around me having to suffer through my bad mood. It just never occured to me how my bad mood/behavior would effect others around me.

About two months ago my local Safeway grocery store decided to rearrange all the shelves and move all the products around to different isles. I was so frustrated and upset. I was taking it out on the staff asking them why did you do this!? Where did you move the bread to!? You guys messed this all up! You should have just left it alone! My husband said to me calmly "I think you are being a bit hard on these people" In the past I would have ignored a comment like that and just thought to myself "you don't know what your talking about" but now, after learning I have aspergers/autism that comment made me stop and evaluate my emotions and I realized that wow, I am really mad and frusterated and ready to blow up and I am being mean to these store people. I had to stand in the isle for a bit and get a hold of my emotions and get myself calmed down. For the next few weeks before going into the store I had to tell myself, ok remember everything is moved around and just be calm and expect it will take longer to find the stuff I need.

In regards to simple emotions. I am pretty much Happy, Sad, Angry or Neutural. I think my emotions work more like a little kids then they do an adult. I think most people have more of a variety of emotions. Here is something I learned after learning about aspergers- When an aquantance got mad at me I always figured- ok that person now hates me and that is that. I never really thought about the person getting over it and maybe liking me the next day.

I hope this answers your question correctly and is helpful.

I believe I'm in this category as well. My biggest problem is depression, followed by anxiety. Both of these are the result of Asperger's, in my opinion.

Last edited by gretchyn on 12 Nov 2012, 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

While I have always been aware of the differences between myself and others, I never felt the urge to integrate into a group until about my late teens. Understanding the mechanics of how to do so was way beyond my abilities, and still is to a large extent. Scholastically I was always in the gifted classes and could coast through most of the coursework until high school.
I graduated high school, but college overwhelmed me and I dropped out after a couple months. I went through countless minimum wage jobs before finding one that was a decent fit. I was a single mom for eight years, and the kid is still in one piece.
I have a very hard time recognizing my emotional state, and have a lot of issues with attention, executive functioning, and sensory overload.
I've learned to compensate for a lot of issues, but I think a large majority of getting this far through life okay was plenty of dumb luck.

I fit your description too.

I'm 43, previously never identified or diagnosed (perhaps due to no comorbid conditions that might otherwise have brought me to the attention of doctors) and therefore up to now entirely unsupported. I'm currently going through the process of obtaining a diagnosis, although the initial screening interview confirmed that I am somewhere on the high-functioning end of the spectrum.

Giftedness: I have scored at or near the ceiling of every professionally administered IQ test I've taken (I don't count Internet tests). Scored at the absolute ceiling of the WAIS-IV. Also musically talented from an early age.

My education however was messed up on several counts. (1) I was so ridiculously ahead of my age peers (I could read and understand adult-level factual material while still in the Infants) that I never received the right sort of education and mentally switched off due to boredom. (2) I was bullied mercilessly all the way through school and couldn't wait to leave. (3) Having no time sense meant that I rarely completed enough work when "against the clock"; consequently I didn't get the classwork grades necessary to be put in the top sets for my various subjects. That meant I didn't get the exam grades I would have needed to go on to take "A" levels in sixth form, which of course ruled out any possibility of University.

The biggest disadvantage I can think of is that the world of work tends to pigeonhole you, at least when you leave school, on your exam passes. With no degree and a clutch of mediocre secondary school exams, my choices were somewhat limited. I've been trying to escape from doing boring desk jobs ever since. People just don't appreciate the sheer level to which one's early school experiences literally track your life, and I think more so here in the UK than in the US, for example.

Because I tend to become very knowledgeable in my areas of special interest, when I talk to experts in those subjects, they are inevitably surprised when I reveal that I am a high school dropout.

I've left job after job due to sheer boredom. I don't want to sound spoilt when I say I think I'm working well below my capacity, but the psych who did my WAIS definitely agrees with me. The academics I've spoken to say a degree isn't an automatic ticket to anything these days, however, and I could spend years of study and £27K only to be no closer to getting a job in the area of my special interest (applied neuroscience).

The thing with office admin support is that companies expect you to be the sort of person(ality) that even a person on the high-functioning end of the spectrum can only pretend to be for a short time, and that's physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. And at the end of the day, I'm intellectually bored senseless. It's challenging but in all the wrong ways.

You know what pisses me off? Articles, such as some of the stuff written by Sternberg, that give "reasons" why many intelligent people aren't rich, famous etc. where all of the "weaknesses" identified are down to individual traits, and not because of a lack of support and opportunity at the time it was needed. I think Tony Attwood has it right: I've never suffered from ASD (or giftedness!), I suffer from other people.

Well met, Blood Brother!

I have no idea what my I.Q. is. I was tested in 1973 when I was 6 and a half years old and was never told the results. I was admitted to a special school called EPIC (I'd have to go back and look to find out what it stands for, sorry) that allowed students to progress at their own pace. In 5th grade I was at high school/college levels in every subject except math, which I (barely) did at grade level, and my handwriting was impossible. I would not bathe myself becasuse of sensory issues with being wet and wouldn't let my mother do it, so I stank. I had no friends partially because of this and partially because I was a lot weird. All I wanted to play was dress-up and history. I was hopeless at sports and the place where I live is Sports Central (Alabama)--in spite of being one of the most obese states in the Union. If we'd had archery and fencing in P. E. class instead of volleyball and whatever else we did, I'd have been one of the top athletes. But even with all this going on, I was not diagnosed with anything beyond ADD. When we moved in 6th grade I had to go to an ordinary school and I did very poorly and was severely bullied. Puberty struck and I had to start washing, so I found out that my problems with water had moderated over the years.

In high school, the only ones who would give me the time of day were druggies and fellow weirdos. So guess what! I got druggie. I dropped out for half a year at age 15, then decided to drop back in, because, what the hell! It's free. And what else am I going to do all day? Work at McDonalds? I don't think so. I brought my grades back up and went to the Alabama School of Fine Arts for Creative Writing for junior and senior year.

Also during high school I had a bad rebellious streak and got entangled with an abusive guy 4 years older than me. It took me 6 years to get rid of him.

The issues I've had are very poor interpersonal skills, depression, and mild drug use. I've had a hard time getting through job interviews because of this, so I am underemployed. I work full-time and have had the same job for 15 years. But I never fulfilled my potential. I would have liked to stay in school and had an academic career studying history but the financial requirements for that were too daunting. And I'm not that great as a parent because I tend to drift into my own little world too much and I'm depressed because I don't have time to pursue any of my interests and I don't like being married because I have no alone time at all anymore. But oh, well. I am determined to stick it out and try not to be so hard to get along with.

The advantages I've enjoyed are the ability to be alone and not mind at all, the ability to work independently, excellent systematizing and organizing ability that I developed to overcome my executive dysfunction, very strong memory and observation skills, pattern-discerning, understanding of the rules of the English language (for example, it's not the word, but the part of speech that the word is, that determines the punctuation it requires).

It's been great to discover this site and all the other people who have had similar struggles. I used to think all kids would love to play history with me instead of kickball. Now I know why I was so miserable and picked on.

I am a female with HFA. Some days however, it doesn't seem like I have "high functioning" anything. I don't have a job. I live with my parents at the age of 29. I am high functioning compared to many people with an ASD because my social skills are better than most in the way I have several friends. When I was young, it wasn't like that. I had absolutely no friends in the world and I didn't care for one. That all changed because of a miracle. After the miracle occurred (I got a dog and the next day I started talking), I became interested in friends for the first time. Right now I have 3 close friends but nothing intimate. I am not interested in an intimate relationship with anyone. The giftedness part of the question, no way am I "gifted." In fact I have an IQ of only between 78-85. My writing vocabulary is atrocious. I am unable to grasp situations easily. To figure out simple tasks it takes me many times to learn and I still don't get it. The only gifted part of me is my art ability. My art has been in books, magazines, newspapers, and I have even been on TV. I am the least educated one in my family. I have an Associate's degree, my brother has a Master's degree, my dad has a Bachelor's degree, and my mom was one class away from obtaining her Bachelor's. I did have high grades in school with a 3.7 GPA in college, but I was literally lucky and with a little help from God. The teachers were easy going. Most classes I needed help. I have no clue why I passed German or Oceanography. I couldn't understand the simplest of concepts, it was way over my brain dead head. In high school I got approximately the same GPA but I had a study skills class and was put in special ed. One of the things that it looked like I was exceptionally smart in was reading words but not comprehending them. Basically hyperlexia. That later changed as I became older. Dyslexia started creeping up on me, so now I have aspects of both.