scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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dragonsanddemons
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19 May 2020, 7:53 am

-6 Literally no sleep last night, I just lay in bed thinking and stimming all night. It wasn’t because of the game I just got yesterday, though I may as well just have started playing it since I wasn’t getting any sleep anyway. My throat has stopped hurting from the ibuprofen incident, but I still feel the swelling there, like something’s stuck in my throat, but nothing is. General feeling of depression for no apparent reason, I hardly even want to play my game this morning. And still getting used to the fact that I am not female (nor am I male,) I am agender. When people say things like “women,” “Aspie women,” etc, what they have in mind is someone completely different from me. Heck, I’m not even human in any way but physical, it seems, I’m so vastly different (even from others on the autism spectrum). It feels weird to call myself / be called “they,” but if I’m not “she” or “he,” then that’s the only socially acceptable alternative.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Last edited by dragonsanddemons on 19 May 2020, 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fireblossom
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19 May 2020, 8:13 am

-1...?

Had breathing difficulties and chest pain last night, called an ambulance. Everything seemed to be fine though, so it was probably some kind of panic attack due to stress or something. I've had similiar things happen before, but nothing's been found with all the tests. Earlier the doctors suggested some kind of panic disorder, so that might be the case here. I still feel weird though, but maybe the stress is causing some problems for me.



kraftiekortie
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19 May 2020, 8:21 am

I hope you’re feeling much better now.

Will you see a doctor today?



dragonsanddemons
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19 May 2020, 8:57 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
-6 Literally no sleep last night, I just lay in bed thinking and stimming all night. It wasn’t because of the game I just got yesterday, though I may as well just have started playing it since I wasn’t getting any sleep anyway. My throat has stopped hurting from the ibuprofen incident, but I still feel the swelling there, like something’s stuck in my throat, but nothing is. General feeling of depression for no apparent reason, I hardly even want to play my game this morning. And still getting used to the fact that I am not female (nor am I male,) I am agender. When people say things like “women,” “Aspie women,” etc, what they have in mind is someone completely different from me. Heck, I’m not even human in any way but physical, it seems, I’m so vastly different (even from others on the autism spectrum). It feels weird to call myself / be called “they,” but if I’m not “she” or “he,” then that’s the only socially acceptable alternative.


Ah, when I went to fill my pill box this morning, I realized why I got no sleep last night. My nighttime meds from yesterday were still in the box. I could have sworn I’d taken them, I was certain I had... yet there they were. Ugh... This just makes me more depressed, because if my memory’s so dreadful that I’m missing meds even with alarms telling me to take them, I cannot be living on my own. I did it twice with my morning meds last week, too, I was sure I had taken them, but nope, they were still there.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Fireblossom
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19 May 2020, 10:40 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope you’re feeling much better now.

Will you see a doctor today?


A little, yeah.

I won't. I've had similiar stuff before and know from experience that they don't really take it seriously since I can still move and all... I'll wait a few days, but if it gets worse or stays like this for long, then I'm going.



blooiejagwa
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19 May 2020, 12:06 pm

3. Neurotypical = bitchiness and entitlement at will but you may not even calmly state where they were mistaken though they treated u rudely in the first placedue to their own misinterpretation.

The fact contradicts their perception so they take offense to the fact instead of admitting they wete wrong or apologizing for
rudeness.tbe reverse would never hold true as they wd never tolerate the same were it done to them.

The fact that someone is lower than them in some way socially makes them feel entitled to do this to them. Like they deserve it. No logic no compassion.


Assholery and arrogance of NTs.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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19 May 2020, 9:24 pm

7 as usual.


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dragonsanddemons
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19 May 2020, 9:44 pm

-5 Tired, dizzy, depressed, and very tired of all three.

Also feeling like I’m seen as just a whiner because I keep complaining about the same things. What makes me certain that I’m not just a whiner is that I really am seriously trying hard to change things, it’s just that nothing I’m trying is really helping, and I do whine while I’m waiting to see if something is helping or not, because I’m miserable, there’s nothing more for me to do about it during the waiting period, and WP is really the only place I can complain without driving off my one close friend or making my parents so tired of me that they kick me out or try to just shove me in a group home or something (okay, that’s an exaggeration, I don’t think they would do that, because obnoxious as I probably am, they know I’m in absolutely no shape to survive even either option with any shred of myself left). Though I probably am still just as obnoxious as if I were simply whining, perhaps even more so because I can’t honestly be told it’s my own dang fault I’m stuck in this rut and I’ll get out if I just try.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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19 May 2020, 11:32 pm

-3

Idk, this all just kind of sucks.


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20 May 2020, 12:25 am

.754
blinkin' big tree fell and smashed one of my apple trees. it'll take me a week to get that mess cleaned up, with no help. :|



IsabellaLinton
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20 May 2020, 12:52 am

1.515


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Kiprobalhato
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20 May 2020, 3:52 am

-4



why did we destroy everything?

the industrial revolution is truly the single worst event in the history of the planet. we have to go back.


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וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.


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20 May 2020, 6:37 am

Still -20 can’t even bring myself to sleep or care if I get sleep. Why’s it matter and if I sleep in til 2 or 3 want difference does it make. Life has not meaning.


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Jakki
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20 May 2020, 7:40 am

auntblabby wrote:
.754
blinkin' big tree fell and smashed one of my apple trees. it'll take me a week to get that mess cleaned up, with no help. :|

Good Luck Auntblabby sorry to hear about the tree.


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Jakki
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20 May 2020, 7:41 am

solidly at a 5 just now .


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auntblabby
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20 May 2020, 8:17 am

Jakki wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
.754
blinkin' big tree fell and smashed one of my apple trees. it'll take me a week to get that mess cleaned up, with no help. :|

Good Luck Auntblabby sorry to hear about the tree.

thank you :heart: