Was I just going through a phase?

Post Reply New Topic

About 6 months ago I happened to read up about aspergers and I thought 'wow this is me, this explains so much', although over the last few months I've started to feel more normal and I've realized that lots of my views of the world were wrong. I've also realized that I actually do have friends that like me for who I am. This has put me in a dilemma because I'm not sure now how much I really am on the ASD spectrum and if I just had low self esteem and hence stole the ASD label to comfort myself.

I know I do have some AS characteristics and I tried seeing a psychologist but I freaked out and wasn't able to talk to them. Right now I have no idea whether I just had a negatively bias view on myself and jumped to the conclusion that I have aspergers, or if I really am on the spectrum and will have to deal with the same problems for my whole life. Is it possible that I could have jumped to the wrong conclusion or could I be in self doubt?

Things that have improved over the last few months:
-I remember to give eye contact more of the time
-I feel less awkward around my friends
-I'm able to walk around shops alone
-I'm learning to open up to my friends more
-I don't feel as sad anymore because I've realized that lots of the time when it appears people's moods/actions are connected to me they are not actually, aka the world doesn't revolve around me.

Things that I still consider a problem:
-I have terrible organizational skills
-My procrastination is at its worst
-I take long to understand jokes and questions people ask me
-I misinterpret people
-I find it hard to organise my thoughts into words (for writing essays and talking in general)
-I zone out alot
-If I plan something out and it gets changed I get really annoyed
-I get scared of really outgoing people
-I forget to do everyday things
-I go on habit binges where I might pick at my nails or something for a long time

Maybe if you think back to your childhood and look for evidence of autistic type behaviours that should give you a clearer picture. I think the problem with self diagnosis is that almost everything discussed symptom-wise are things that NT people experience to some degree at some point. One of the differences that makes me convinced is that these things are all massively exaggerated and life-affecting in my case. For instance, many men have problems multitasking whereas I simply cannot - at all. And, as a result, cant drive and cooking a meal can cause me to freak out and become massively stressed. Another example would be repetitive behaviour - I understand that NTs often have habit movements such as nail biting or foot tapping but I have rocked back and forward to sooth myself since being a young child, rock my head from side to side without awareness of it so much that I was picked on throughout school because of it. This is all specific to me but it is meant to illustrate that I personally am sure that AS applies to me because I not only recognise the traits - they have been lifelong problems.

I can't tell how "normal" my habits are, I waste plenty of time with them. Idk if it isn't really effecting me I should stop worrying.

The advice I would give is "sleep on it". By that I mean: just try to take a rest from thinking too much about it and carry on with day to day life. If AS is a part of you, it isn't going anywhere and you will return to the point you consider a formal assessment. If you speak to a psychologist again, you can be prepared for not being able to speak by bringing in notes. I did not have to even think of this with my psychologist because he saw I had trouble talking and immediately gave me pens and paper.

I go through periods where I think I am getting along okay and probably am in ways such as I am happily occupied with a special interest and few interruptions. There are better days and worse days, good spells, bad spells. Inevitably I have a stark reminder that I am who I am - a person with AS.

If these questions remain with you, I would suggest you try the assessment route again - my caveat for everyone - if at all possible, seek a professional who is experienced with AS. None of us can tell you anything definitively about whether you have AS or not. Something made you wonder and that is enough to warrant an investigation. But there is nothing wrong with ambivalence and just giving yourself a little time to try to focus on just living and see what you think as a little time passes. In the mean time, you could address a few of the things you are having problems with by employing organizational strategies such as a whiteboard. You can take care of your health generally with diet and exercise to reduce stress and anxiety. If it's AS, it won't go away with these strategies, but they can help as even if it is not AS you have identified problem areas that you can address regardless.

Have you been able to identify and share any of your Aspie gifts?

I love to solve problems and show explain things to other people--I even have lots of articles published in magazines!

I also have a prodigious memory--but really, the only time you really want to show that off is when taking exams.