meltdowns vs. temper tantrums

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One of my pet peeves is when people confuse meltdowns with temper tantrums. They're not the same thing.

I agree - I used to babysit an aspie kid whose mum would confuse the two, but to the extent where she would excuse every one of his tantrums as a meltdown. Drove me insane because the difference was so completely obvious.

But I'm going to guess you're talking about being annoyed when it's the other way around, right? Who do you mean by 'people'? Parents? Friends? Coworkers? If they're not autistic and they don't really know the ins and outs of a meltdown it's not a surprise that they're confused and make the assumption. I would have no idea either if I'd never had one myself.

What do you cop sided to be the defining features of each one (tember tantrums and meltdowns) and what features define one from the other?
How can you tell which one is which at the time?

What do you consider (I should say)

Agreed.

I get annoyed when people confuse my temper tantrums with meltdowns - yes, I have little temper tantrums, and yes being autistic they are strongly aggravated by sensory stimulation, burn-out and frustration with communication problems...but they aren't meltdowns (in my case meltdowns are uncontrollable crying coupled with shut-down, usually as a result of over stimulation and a feeling of being 'trapped' in some way, then a few days worth of feeling overly sensitive and burned-out). What frustrates me is when I'm having a bit of a temper tantrum it's because someone has done something wrong to get me mad, calling it a meltdown is blaming my autism rather than accepting I'm mad.

For me there's a few things - the lead up, for one. Usually just before a tantrum the kid looks angry. And determined. There's usually little sign of real distress. But with a meltdown, it looks for all the world as if the kid's brain has just exploded - wholly, and completely, and it's horrifying. Anger too, sure, but there is no sly glance at mum (or me) before exploding.

Then there's the actual meltdown - for some kids I've seen, their meltdowns sound and look very different, so it's pretty obvious. With others, the signs are very similar, and it's a matter of pattern recognition (like the difference between a baby's cry when they're in pain or when they're tierd). There's a loss of control in meltdowns that doesn't happen in tantrums.

The aftermath's probably the most obvious. If the kid can shut up and be happily skipping on their way once mum caves in and gives him the ice block he's been demanding, it wasn't a meltdown. I know this because I've tried bargaining with myself during meltdowns and it doesn't work. Also, the aftermath of a meltdown can be almost post-ictal and skipping is certainly not involved.

It's different for everyone, but I've babysat a lot of kids on the spectrum (mainly aspies) and knowing the difference is imporant for my sanity.

Teens and adults, though - they're a whole different kettle of fish. Or fireworks.

^^Yeah, totally agree. This is one reason I don't tell anyone I'm on the spectrum. They can suspect all they want, if they like, but I reserve the right to be angry without it being a 'condition'.

In my case it is exclusively due to anger. I never had sensory issues. But the anger is a bit weird because I can be angry at a person A and then take it out at a person B. Or I can become angry over something that happened few days ago simply by obsessing about it or by being reminded of it in some way.

It doesn't bother me when my husband says I throw fits or have tantrums. Honestly I am not sure if I have meltdowns and if they are tantrums instead. Once I learned that meltdowns don't actually stop once they get their way, mine go away because I calm down and I never like having them. But to have tantrums, don't they have to be intentional to get your way? Mine are not intentional and it's not like I decide "Oh I am going to get very upset and get stressed out and meltdown to get my way." No, that is not what I do. But my mother says I have meltdowns. My husband calls my outbursts and my screaming meltdowns. But it takes me a while to feel normal again after I have one.