A good friend decided to end his own life

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Frankly, I am making this post to vent, because as much as I care about him, as much as I understand he has been dealt some rough cards recently, I believe he needs his ass kicked.

About a week ago, he decided to stop taking his kidney transplant medication. He apparently thought it out - it is not illegal to stop taking medications of any kind, so basically, nobody can have him sent to a psych ward over this. He is committing suicide in a way that he knows nobody will be able to intervene.

He says he is "tired" of life, because he has not had a decent job in the last three years, and because his criminal history (which consists solely of a first-time misdemeanor conviction, BTW) has cost him employment opportunities. Yeah, coming from a guy who spent more time at the library watching YouTube on their computers instead of filling out more job applications than one or two a month, I find it hard to pity him when he makes a statement like that.

I have seen him in the 12-step circles that I attend, and he has always been more interested in everybody else's recovery. I am now convinced that he was doing that because it kept him busy enough to provide him with an excuse not to work on his own.

I really want to see him build himself up. He has a lot going for him. For him to play the cards that life has dealt him like this is frustrating for me to watch. I don't think I can be there for him if he is going to go out like this. Selfish of me? Perhaps, but I refuse to let him try to drag me down into his depression with him.

So, this ends my vent post of the day.

His depression doesn't have to drag you down. You are two separate people. He has made a decision that you find it difficult to understand (and frankly, so do I) but it is his decision. You can either say to him 'I cannot cope with the decision you have taken' and withdraw from the friendship, or you can say 'I disagree and cannot understand your decision, but I am still here for you'. It is completely up to you, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

It is quite possible that he will begin taking medication again, but if not you will have to deal with your feelings about this long after he is gone. Therefore you need to work through your feelings carefully. Personally, I think it is important to say what you need to say to the person when they are alive, because once they are gone you can never truly say it and can find yourself carrying around all sorts of unsaid things, as well as hurt and resentment.

I hope things improve for you and your friend.

On behalf of the kidney donor, that makes me mad. If the donor is still alive- that's a big freaking deal to undergo surgery to give the gift of life. If the person is dead, it's still a big deal, but someone else could have had it.

I hope you can urge your friend to seek treatment for depression, which is often comorbid with any chronic condition.

If possible contact the kidney donor about your friend, so that he can speak reason to him.

Yikes - gotta be tough ;_;

Chances are he's a really close friend if you ended up posting something about it here. Hope things turn out better in the end ^^

I actually just finished visiting with him.

I recognize that nothing I can say or do is going to make a difference in his decision. So, I was thankful that I was able to talk to a couple of people I know and find some peace with what was going on before I saw my friend face-to-face.

I can't condone his decisions, but he has said that he wants me to keep in contact with his adult autistic son after he passes on. I will do that for him.

The serenity prayer is going to go through a lot of recitals over the next couple of weeks, that's for damn sure.

Maybe he felt like he was going to be rejected for a job anyway, so why bother? Maybe that's why he was watching dumb youtube videos in the library - to distract himself. Self sabotage is a big aspect of being depressed (at least for me).

It does sound like he's been feeling depressed and, as a result, has been trying to avoid important things (and in the current case, is avoiding his medication to avoid living).

You speak about him in the present tense, so he's still alive, am I correct? There must be something someone can do to intervene. If he told you he was doing it because he was feeling suicidal, surely you can contact someone to have him sectioned (or whatever they call it in your country)? After all, he's a danger to himself and you know he is purposefully harming himself.

Depression is a contagious little f****r. You need to take care of yourself, too. It's up to the psychiatric services to sort him out. When you have depression, you make irrational decisions and think irrational thoughts. If he gets professional help, there may be a way to circumvent those thought patterns and have him making rational decisions. Sadly, if he's that determined to die and he does eventually take his life, there isn't much you can do about that and you should not take responsibility for it.

I hope things turn out well for you guys.

I have to wonder if he is dealing with chronic pain after he's had the transplant? Some people who have organ transplants do, depending on their specific situation. I've been dealing with chronic back and neck pain after being hit by a drunk driver about a year and a half ago and it's awful in a way I can't even put into words. I can't sleep because of the pain (it's like a knife stabbing me in the back as soon as I try to lay down) and it just seems to always be there.

Chronic pain can eat away at you until you honestly feel you are losing your mind and suicidal ideation becomes a daily thing, so you may wind up considering options that you would not when 'in your right mind.' The worst thing is that everyone, including the doctors who are supposed to help you and those closest to you, don't understand and treat you like you're crazy or a hypochondriac.

This might sound horrible, but if he's dealing with chronic pain, I can't say I can judge him too harshly for his decision. I just feel really badly for his family and friends.

He decided a couple of days ago to go back on his medications, and to continue to live.

He is going to move into a healthier living situation, and go from there.

I am thankful that things turned out this way.