What was the matter with me?!

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I have always had mild AS that hasn't always shown when socially interacting, and I was probably a typical kid, but when I was 14 I suddenly done something what a more moderate Autistic would probably do.

When I was 14 (year 9), I randomly got attached to a group of 6 girls that were always seen hanging out together in school. They weren't in my class but their classroom was next door to mine and I recognised their faces. But one hot day I found them sitting on the school field at lunchtime, and I kind of sat near them on the grass. They were all chattering and laughing amongst themselves, then by the end of lunchtime they semi-included me in the conversation and I found myself sitting with them and joining in. When the bell went, I walked back into the school with them, and they said a few friendly words to me, right until I got into my classroom. I felt so happy that I had made some new friends. As the week went on I tried to stay with them, and I found myself waiting for them outside lessons, but a couple of days later, one lunchtime, they huddled together and whispered, then tried to lose me. I acted like a ret*d idiot and tried looking for them, and I found them going into the office, then the people in the office let them creep out of another door where I couldn't see them. I then peeped into the office, and a lady in there figured out who I was and brought me in to have a word with me, telling me that these girls told on me and were creeped out by me. I wasn't in trouble, the lady was very nice. I've always been normal with feeling and expressing emotions, and also recognising body language too, but this one week I didn't have any emotion over this, and I didn't even recognise these girl's body language when they were freaked out. But after I came out of the office, I was like, ''I might have known!'' And I never even looked at these girls since. What a ret*d weirdo I was for this exclusive week!

I know Aspies can still do things like that, but this is ridiculous because that was not like me, and I don't know what got into me that week. It still kind of haunts me today, and sometimes when I remember it, I feel a sudden attack of shame. Just had to get it off my chest and see if others have had similar experiences or can relate or empathise.

I think that's fairly typical of the way lots of people with autism are treated unfortunately. I've heard a lot of similar stories. I'm sorry it happened to you. Remember though it's not because of you or anything you did: they were idiots and they treated you badly which they shouldn't have done.

It was probably a passing thing with them, and they didn't want it to go any further. An Aspie girl like yourself couldn't see that. I have had similar incidents, which I found downright bewildering, since I couldn't understand what it was that I had done wrong. Oh, well...

It's hard to join a group that's already been formed. I tend to focus on befriending one person at a time, and then they usually will include you in the group naturally.