Harrassment at Work... With a Twist

Post Reply New Topic

Hey everyone,

Looking to get some perspective/advice on a situation at work. I work in a gas/service station and car wash. I am one of the older people working there, most everyone is 19-22. They act like high schoolers, only worse. One of the supervisors likes to play grab-ass, coming up behind people and smacking or groping their backside. With the exception of one of the owners, everybody is male. The supervisor did it to me twice, i told him to cut it out, that I don't play those games. They labeled me as a homophobe. They constantly make remarks of a sexual nature, saying that I should let one of the guys "put it up my ass" to mellow me out. Or if i dont hear someone clearly they tell me to get the (male organ) out of my ear and listen up.

One of the other employees, the most mature one, told me that the only way to get them to stop is to threaten a harrassment suit against the owners, and they will tell the supervisors to back off. Here is where it gets tricky. One of the owners (call her Mary) is best friends with my mother. The other employees have no clue, but that is how I got the job to begin with. She was over for dinner one night and heard about my management experience and wanted me to come aboard and help her get the place straightened out. She warned me that these guys would give me hell and that they act like idiots. I told her that would not be a problem.

She and my mother went to dinner the one night, when my mother got home, she explained that Mary didn't want to tell me this to my face, but I would have to "be their b**ch for a while" until a meeting could be held and certain people be dismissed. It was my understanding that things would start happening immediately when I took the job. Now, a month in and nothing has changed. Nobody has faced disciplinary action and the guys still treat me like crap. One of them threatened to set my car on fire because I have conservative/Christian themed bumper stickers.

I feel that if I take legal action I might be branded as "not a team player" and potentially strain the friendship of Mary and my mother. I promised her that I would not cause any weirdness in their friendship.

I expected them to be childish and crass, I had no clue that I would be groped and called a homophobe for not wanting to play along. Jobs are hard enough to come by, I can't afford to risk this one. Mary constantly sings my praises to my mother, but I wish she would take action if she wants me to be all that she wants me to be.

Hmmmm.....I want to put on my cynic hat here....

1. Assuming Mary hired you to help clean out the troublemakers and not as a favor to your mother, she obviously wanted you on board.

2. If Mary has enough pull to hire you and she's one of the owners, one has to wonder if the other employees were placed by other owners.

3. Could it be that Mary's trying to talk the other owners into personel shifts/firings? I've seen this sort of thing happen, and it's often the result of too many cronies sitting together for too long. Very few people enjoy firing people they themselves hired.

I understand you don't want to jeopardize the relationship between your mother and her friend, but this kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. If I were you, I would consult a lawyer as soon as possible because if the owners don't put their foot down this kind of behaviour isn't going to stop and you will have no choice but to sue or find another job. I am sure if you were female the owners for sure wouldn't put up with this, and it should be no different just because your male.

Don't put up with that crap. Sue for harassment, call your local labor board, or anything else in your power. You shouldn't have to put up with that abuse and discrimination and that's exactly what it is.

From what I have observed, Mary does not share the same vision as the other owners (her brother and father) who are both the patriarchal "boys will be boys" types. She has hiring authority, but most personnel decisions are made by her brother. She seems to be the one who does all the work from the business end of things, but is least listened to when it comes to vision for the company. The father is over 80 years old, he does not seem interested in babysitting, the brother is never there, so its pretty much the inmates running the asylum while walking all over Mary.

I have heard another WP member (can't remember who) say that one of the hallmarks of aspergers, is walking into a group and expecting them to drop everything and change their time-honored methods of doing things to make way for the aspie newcomer.

Is this what Im doing here? Ass-gropery is part of their culture (apparently) so am I wrong for not wanting to take part?

Absolutely not. This is discrimination and sexual harassment, none of which should ever be tolerated in the workplace. Your co-workers should know better, and frankly so should your bosses.

Agreed with everyone else...that stuff is ridiculous and I doubt you're getting paid enough to make the harassment worth your while. It sounds like a pretty touchy subject, too; you're outnumbered, they're younger and more reckless, you're 'new' etc. - I'd definitely take any threats they dish out, pretty seriously. I guess, if I was in your position, It'd be very tough to confront the issue with a lot riding on your Mom's relationship and potential backlash but something's got to be done. On the bright side, they absolutely can't terminate your employment for complaining about harassment (keep any and all records of your complaint and their reaction/actions) and if they do, it'll be a pretty quick case that'd likely be settled outside of court for a nice monetary gain on your part

Im not out for money. Im not that type of person. I wouldnt mind seeing the crew recycled, but their profit margins are razor thin. If i brought a case against them, they would go out of business, and in my small town word would spread that i killed the car wash.

Exactly why are you not looking for another job?

'Mary' knew just what was going on there when she hired you.
Somehow, she expects YOU to fix it.
You can't.
And you can't take legal action without damaging the company, and compromising your mother's relationship with her friend.
Someone, some day, will complain to the Labor Board, the situation will blow up, you do not want to be there when it does.

You need a different job.

Sylkat

That stuff is text book sexual harassment. I wouldn't put up with it.

If Mary has a plan to use you to change the place, she needs to key you in and start it.

This can be a true, but we are talking about illegal activity here. That is universally wrong.

Did I read this right? She brought you in at a manager-level position but expects you to the the front-line employees abuse you???

Isn't the whole point of management to assert themselves and get the employees to follow the rules and get their jobs done? And to stop them from breaking laws like sexual assault???