I'm not attracted to many people
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
Hello you lot.
Just wondered if anyone was the same as me as I've never met anyone who is.
I just don't seem to be attracted to many men. For me, attraction isn't much about looks, I'll meet someone, chat to them and enjoy it, then the next time do the same, and over time I start thinking ooh, he's hot! Even though no-one else I know can work out what the attraction is. He could be the worst-looking guy out there but if I liked the way we could talk to each other and get on, I'd find him gorgeous. But on the other hand, there has to be something there that draws me to them, I just couldn't date a person I didn't feel some sort of attraction towards.
Yet other people seem to be attracted to appearance first and personality second, and they have much more success finding partners than I do, but I just couldn't work that way around.
I thought internet dating might be the best way for me, but I found all I ever got was sexual offers despite me saying I was looking for a relationship.
On average, I meet one man in 4 years that I'm interested in starting something with... and usually by the time I realise I like him at that level, I've been friendzoned and it's "meet my new girlfriend" time!
Friends have gently asked if it's possible I'm gay or asexual and in denial, but while I have been confused about a lot of things in life, my hetero-sexuality has never been one of them.
Aaargh, what's a perma-single woman to do?
DialAForAwesome
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Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
Tyri0n
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Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
Just wondered if anyone was the same as me as I've never met anyone who is.
I just don't seem to be attracted to many men. For me, attraction isn't much about looks, I'll meet someone, chat to them and enjoy it, then the next time do the same, and over time I start thinking ooh, he's hot! Even though no-one else I know can work out what the attraction is. He could be the worst-looking guy out there but if I liked the way we could talk to each other and get on, I'd find him gorgeous. But on the other hand, there has to be something there that draws me to them, I just couldn't date a person I didn't feel some sort of attraction towards.
Yet other people seem to be attracted to appearance first and personality second, and they have much more success finding partners than I do, but I just couldn't work that way around.
I thought internet dating might be the best way for me, but I found all I ever got was sexual offers despite me saying I was looking for a relationship.
On average, I meet one man in 4 years that I'm interested in starting something with... and usually by the time I realise I like him at that level, I've been friendzoned and it's "meet my new girlfriend" time!
Friends have gently asked if it's possible I'm gay or asexual and in denial, but while I have been confused about a lot of things in life, my hetero-sexuality has never been one of them.
Aaargh, what's a perma-single woman to do?
You might be demisexual. I can relate, to an extent.
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
That's interesting. I'd never heard the term demisexual before so have just done a bit of reading and it does describe how I feel.
I'm not asexual, I'm plenty-sexual towards someone I really like - it just takes something special, which I've never been able to define what that is, to get me there. And I've never understood the point of casual sex, even when my long-term-celibacy has really been getting me depressed. To me sex is something special you do with someone you have love, liking and respect for and from.
No moral judgement intended on people who do do casual sex, it isn't wrong, it just isn't the right thing for me.
CrazyStarlightRedux
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,028
Location: Manchester, UK.
Adapt.
Life is short, and most men simply don't have the time or energy to invest in maintaining something that might take months to develop only to find out at the end it doesn't.
My suggestion would be to work on distinguishing between dates and relationships.
I knew someone who went on 30 first dates a month, but very few lead to second dates because there was no attraction (physical or emotional) but she was still getting out and meeting people.
When she did find someone, she would go on some more dates before deciding to be exclusive with them.
You could try that, it would give you a chance to get to know people, but move at a speed that would keep you from the friendzone.
You would be a dream guy for a lot of girls.
Life is short, and most men simply don't have the time or energy to invest in maintaining something that might take months to develop only to find out at the end it doesn't.
My suggestion would be to work on distinguishing between dates and relationships.
I knew someone who went on 30 first dates a month, but very few lead to second dates because there was no attraction (physical or emotional) but she was still getting out and meeting people.
When she did find someone, she would go on some more dates before deciding to be exclusive with them.
You could try that, it would give you a chance to get to know people, but move at a speed that would keep you from the friendzone.
You would be a dream guy for a lot of girls.
A pain in the ass rather.
I'm somewhat like that, but hardly a dream guy because I'm not flashy, assertive, tall, confident or have a car.
Anyway, I'm not attracted to a lot of girls, I'm 21 and I've liked 2 girls I wanted to date. That's it, I never made out with a girl because they simply didn't attract me. Do I go for personality? Yeah, but I would lie if I said I prefer it to appearance. Sure, nice, calm, low key, intellectual personality goes a long way but it won't do without the appearance factor. When it comes to appearance, I go out of my league unfortunately and so I feel undeserving of girls I do like. And no, I don't care for dates and meeting new people, I don't need new people.
Anyway, if I were in the OPs shoes, I'd try to at least give some guys a chance even though you're not really feeling anything. That's something I try hard to do but have failed thus far, I tend to run away if something comes to a certain point and I'm not feeling it.
ColdEyesWarmHeart, I am like that too. Unless the guy smells really bad, or has no personal hygiene, I don't mind what he looks like. I am not keen on those muscle Mary's though, but the personality is everything. There are a few people on this forum whom I could see myself with, if distance wasn't a barrier.
You would be a dream guy for a lot of girls.
A pain in the ass rather.
I am rather like this. I do experience raw lust, but as far as actually wanting to be with someone goes, it is always personality first and looks second. I haven't met anyone i liked in a loooooooooooooong time
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