I was at a 12-step meeting earlier tonight, and I basically spilled my emotions out there. I have come to the conclusion that my entire existence has been reduced to a constant cry for help, or for at least a pat on the head and some encouraging words in my direction.
I always have been thinking that others were looking down at me in judgment. Come to think about it, that is what I was raised to believe. My parents always hammered into my head that I was embarrassing them, that people thought I was a horrible son, that every little misstep I took ruined the day for everybody around me.
I came to the realization that people don't think of me like that. They have their own lives. I am not as important and significant as what I was led to believe.
The relief is overwhelming.
I think I can start to breathe easy, and I can be who I want to be, and I can be there for others now.