Do you ever feel so lonely from being ignored?

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VAGraduateStudent
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12 Jan 2013, 2:55 pm

I don't want to go into detail about this, but I lost a family member and a close friend to depression. Since then, as a sociologist, I've done some reading about what happens to get people into these isolated places where either they can't feel help from others or people just don't want to help them.

Often, when you're in a bad place, your family and friends sense it, like when you've got a bad cold. They might avoid you and wait for you to be your happy self again, which is the "you" that they enjoy being around. They aren't aware that they're doing this. They just don't know how to help you.

It's also common, when you're feeling bad, for others to try to hang out with you or talk to you and for you to be feeling so bad that you don't get it and you feel more alone than you really are.

There's probably something that still makes you happy and you should spend time doing that. You should also force yourself to do something new in a new environment. This could be a road trip or a class doing something different or starting to ride a bike or take walks. If you don't have an animal you should get one. You should make sure you're going out with your friends, even if you're not sure if they want you around. When you feel bad you often feel unwanted even when that's not the case.

Keep in mind that if you've felt bad for a long time, you may be clinically (chronically) depressed and your judgement may not be accurate, so it's good to ask the opinion of someone you trust before making big decisions. And sometimes it's better to rely on online friends for awhile if you just don't trust your real life friends.

I hope things get better soon.



nintendogurl1990
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17 Jan 2013, 7:07 pm

I'm in a similar situation right now. Maybe you could try calling them and checking up on them to get the ball rolling again. If you're not sure what time they're available, just call them, but no later than 10:00PM. You never know unless you ask them.



Cynic
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18 Jan 2013, 2:30 pm

CftxP wrote:
I know I'm not the most sociable person, but it seems like people are just increasingly ignoring me, and nothing seems right about it. I don't know what to do, since I thought these people are my friends and they're the only ones who I ever talk to (and aren't my parents). Does anyone here ever feel like this? It seems like a lot of other people with Asperger's often feel the opposite way, like they're being bothered by others constantly trying to communicate with them, but it's the total opposite with me.

I've just learned to accept that being discarded and ignored goes with the territory of being "abnormal".



Mitrovah
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18 Jan 2013, 6:10 pm

what i find trouble with is that the people i don't want to hang out with want to hang out with me and the people i want to hang out with dont want to hang out with me though. hence Vis a Ve. i feel im too crazy for normal people but the non autistic(Big Question Mark) who are weird and crazy are too crazy for me which sucks Im stuck in a middle place trying to hang out with people who are cool as in reasonable human beings with of course the occasional idiosyncrasy and strange habit but are more normal people and the crazy ragin not enough pills on this earth sort of people. I have one person who is the categorically cool but he has somewhat quite divergent interests. My roommates are nerds but not in the good way all they do is sit at their computers drive to fast food joints then sit at their computer "ALL DAY" and yes I mean an do nothing else all day and they are total slobs so i can't be friends with them at any meaningful level.


I also am the kind who believes that people should want to hang out with me and therefore expect them and wait without end sometimes for them to call me. its a bit narcissistic yes but i am under the impression that is the basis of a genuine friendship. I mean what is a aspie to do. The problem is having that lucky chance meeting when you meet someone who is totally insync with you which starts of a really good friendship.



Catharascotia
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19 Jan 2013, 3:19 am

VAGraduateStudent wrote:
I don't want to go into detail about this, but I lost a family member and a close friend to depression. Since then, as a sociologist, I've done some reading about what happens to get people into these isolated places where either they can't feel help from others or people just don't want to help them.

Often, when you're in a bad place, your family and friends sense it, like when you've got a bad cold. They might avoid you and wait for you to be your happy self again, which is the "you" that they enjoy being around. They aren't aware that they're doing this. They just don't know how to help you.

It's also common, when you're feeling bad, for others to try to hang out with you or talk to you and for you to be feeling so bad that you don't get it and you feel more alone than you really are.

There's probably something that still makes you happy and you should spend time doing that. You should also force yourself to do something new in a new environment. This could be a road trip or a class doing something different or starting to ride a bike or take walks. If you don't have an animal you should get one. You should make sure you're going out with your friends, even if you're not sure if they want you around. When you feel bad you often feel unwanted even when that's not the case.

Keep in mind that if you've felt bad for a long time, you may be clinically (chronically) depressed and your judgement may not be accurate, so it's good to ask the opinion of someone you trust before making big decisions. And sometimes it's better to rely on online friends for awhile if you just don't trust your real life friends.

I hope things get better soon.


This is all a very good point. However, when you've spent your life being rejected and knowing--from experience and because other people have told you--that you don't act normally in social situations and don't have normal social skills, I feel like there's a higher likelihood that you really are being ignored. I've also founded that being with people who you know don't want you around, but are only being polite, is extremely stressful and depressing, and I would rather be alone.

But yes, I am always ignored. No one talks to me unless I talk to them first, and then I have to do all the work to keep the conversation going. They often escape at the first possible opportunity, or give monosyllabic responses. Similarly, no one ever invites me anywhere; if I don't initiate the invitation, we won't be doing something together. And if I do invite someone to do something, they will not invite me in return. Whenever I'm in a group, I often find that everyone else finds a group, and I am left alone and ignored. When I try to join one of these smaller groups, they are polite but not welcoming, and again, I have to constantly work to get them to notice me. With the exception of my best friend, no one ever takes the initiative to do anything with me, and as a result I feel like I'm constantly forcing myself on them. It's extremely depressing to know that I'm always merely tolerated, not truly wanted. I see the warm, welcoming way people treat those they really want to be around, and it's a stark contrast to the cool reception I always get. This has happened my entire life.



Last edited by Catharascotia on 19 Jan 2013, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OMGitsKenny
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19 Jan 2013, 5:06 am

I know for a fact I get ignored, especially on this site. Outside, it's frustrating to be around people who think less of you and believe you are nothing but street trash to them. I get that all the time and wonder why I just can't snap their necks and get it over with. With murder being illegal, I really can't, so I have to deal with it.

But on good days, I stop being lonely and be awesome instead. :)


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dunya
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20 Jan 2013, 9:58 am

Everything Catharascotia said. ^^^


I get ignored.

I was told when at school "try to join in the conversations, take an interest in the others".
But they ignored me. I would speak and they would carry on like they never heard me.

Sometimes I make a comment as part of a conversation and no-one acknowledges it. Then someone in the group repeats what I said and it's
"oh, what a good point!" to the person who repeated me.

Recently I was talking in a group and I though I was being ignored. So I started saying outragous lies in the same tone of voice and most of the people in the room just carried on going
"Uh huh" and "yeah" in response, not hearing what I was saying.

Some of the people I live with are very selfish. They want me to listen to them talking about their interests but they soon leave when I try to talk about mine.



Kalika
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22 Jan 2013, 10:59 pm

dunya wrote:

I was told when at school "try to join in the conversations, take an interest in the others".
But they ignored me. I would speak and they would carry on like they never heard me.



That would be one of the reasons I'm not always fond of family gatherings...........happens often that I will join in a conversation, only to have the other people keep talking as if I wasn't there. So I'd feel like I either needed to use a megaphone, or say something like "Aunt Maggie, I'm responding to your comment about......." .



ava777
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23 Jan 2013, 1:17 am

I was feeling that way (ignored) yesterday at work. I noticed my co-workers don't start converstions with me. I have a hard time knowing when I'm contributing or interrupting conversations. I can be pretty clever so I don't think most people mind my comments
a) They're just my co-workers
b) I've ignored them for months (unbeknownst to me)
So I imagine in theirmind, consiously or not, has formed an impression that I WANT to be left alone. I also imagine at times ,unbeknownst to me, they felt rejected when I didn't respond to their attmepts. I know after a round of rejection from the same person I would stop trying too.
So I came to the conclusion that it was my job to change their impression of me.



namaste
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23 Jan 2013, 12:54 pm

People generally avoid a person who is sad, depressed or generally negative.

And logically its better to be alone when depressed.
Because not everyone can help you out during depression
except a trained professional therapist
who will guide you without judging


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Irmagard
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21 May 2018, 5:39 pm

I only talk to one person. She isn't really there and ignores my messages. So I feel lonely. I didn't get a hug for five years.



auntblabby
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21 May 2018, 7:24 pm

I got hugs to spare but nobody wants anything to do with them or me. oh well. :shrug: