Question about my language processing

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lady_katie
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23 Dec 2012, 6:24 pm

Basically, I really struggle to communicate verbally. I don't think that I'm paying attention to every thing that is being said to me, and I have a difficult time thinking about how I want to respond. Half the time, I don't even think of my responses until long after the conversation has ended and I become frustrated because I would have wanted to mention certain things, but couldn't think of them at the time. Also, sometimes I do think of responses but I don't know how or when to say them, so I don't. These problems are less of an issue when I'm talking to people that I feel very comfortable with, but they still seem to exist. In fact, I've been doing an experiment with my AS support group (a small group) where I raise my hand when I want to talk, instead of trying to find the "right place" in the conversation. This has been helping a little bit, at least with the issue of not knowing when it's my "turn" to speak.

However, when I'm communicating in writing all of these problems go away. Email and instant messenger are my best friends. I would probably feel like a fairly "normal" person if I could just walk around with a computer typing to everyone all day.

Why is this? Can anyone give me any information on why I struggle so much in this area?

Thanks!!



deltafunction
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24 Dec 2012, 12:33 am

I have a similar problem. Usually I get so concerned over social rules, cues and turn-taking that I don't know when to speak. As for processing language, it takes me a while to really understand what someone has said. Sometimes I need a few seconds just to process it.

As for my own solutions, I've started to wait a few seconds after someone finishes talking in case they want to add anything else. I've also learned to stop thinking about what to say next. It's most important to be a good listener and try to understand what the other person means. I don't know if that is your problem or not, but in any case it sounds as if you would be a good listener! So be easy on yourself because at least you paid attention to what the other person has said even if it took you a while to think of a response. I've learned to slow down my communication and lower my expectations.

Now I will say what comes to my mind when spaces exist in the conversation instead of worrying about getting my two cents in. This makes me a much better listener because I stop thinking about what to say next until there is a long pause. I use that pause to get my thoughts together.



Noetic
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24 Dec 2012, 1:23 am

Writing things down - sometimes over and over - before a conversation helps me, even if I don't take the notes with me. Practising what I want to say over and over in my head can also help.

On the phone I usually write things like my mobile number and my registration number on a notepad because I am prone to forgetting even basic things in conversation and may need to look them up.



icyfire4w5
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24 Dec 2012, 1:45 am

Written correspondence: The pace is slower so you have time to think through what you want to say. You can always edit what you have written before sending it out. You don't have to worry about people misinterpreting your facial expressions/body language.
Oral correspondence: The pace is faster so you usually don't have time to think through what you want to say. You can't possibly edit anything you have spoken. You sometimes have to worry about people misinterpreting your facial expressions/body language.



dizzywater
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24 Dec 2012, 5:24 pm

Conversation in writing means you don't have to say "what" all the time to slow the pace. You read at the pace you understand, I can't follow fast speech at all, or speech with any backround noise. I say "what" to buy time, in a second or two the sounds I heard will separate into words and I will understand. Doctors tested my hearing countless times, its always normal, its the processing that is a problem. Neurological, well of course it would be!

On the phone I make a list of things I must say, if I'm calling. If the other person is calling I take a few moments to adjust to the idea of talking with them, then I make notes about what they say and what I should reply if it goes quiet. Face to face is more awkward, but one person is not a problem, more people makes it impossible to get a word in. Sometimes I could cry with frustration as everyone else seamlessly speaks one after another, no gaps, no clues as to how they do this dance without speaking over each other.

When I lived overseas I got on so well with my family, it was 20 years ago and we all wrote letters to each other, it was so much better than face to face, they seemed to forget about my "oddness" and fully accept me, I was as good at letter writing as they were.

Now we have texts and internet :lol: :lol: :lol: Just never hit the "live chat" button!



emimeni
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24 Dec 2012, 8:32 pm

My expressive and pragmatic language processing kind of sucks, but my receptive language processing is okay. That's the nature of my form of autism. What happens is that people often don't notice I'm even there, even though I understand what is being said.


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