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Sea Gull
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28 Dec 2012, 3:33 am

I met a few former classmates recently... and yeah, most of them seemed older than me, even though we were born in the same year.

Some of them are even married. Some have kids. Some live abroad.

Curiously, they remarked that I still look the way they remember me - "It's like you don't get older," someone remarked.


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jk1
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28 Dec 2012, 8:06 am

Answering the question, yes, I do feel younger than my peers, mostly because my social awkwardness is making me quite helpless and I don't have the sense of authority that people of my age usually have. I still feel like a helpless kid though intellectually I don't feel that way.

Like the majority of the people here, I am a bit more comfortable interacting with older people. I think it is because I don't know the expected behavior of people of my age and I make a fool of myself around them. But older people seem to see me just as a younger person and tend to be less concerned about how well I act like a person of my age. So, being a "helpless kid" is more tolerated by them. Well, that's my theory.



runningaway
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28 Dec 2012, 8:28 am

Ditto. Do you find that is increasingly hard to find peeps you might want to talk to, letalone ones who might want to talk to you?

I have found a lot of Aspies look and feel much younger than their age. I would much prefer to socialise with people 10-20 years younger than me, but sadly my physical age is starting to catch up with me and I have had to have a major reality check recently (with regards to my behaviour and the way I dress) to avoid embarrassing myself and those around me.

Personally, I feel that my developmental progress has just slowed down by degrees since puberty to half the pace of my NT peers – LOL, I'll probably have developed a fully rounded, mature personality when I'm 80. :D

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Alycat
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28 Dec 2012, 8:43 am

I do feel younger than my peers. My dad recently said I'm twenty five going on twenty.


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IChris
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28 Dec 2012, 9:31 am

The "formula" (Biological age/3)*2 have always described my 'social' age. So, as being 27 years old biological my social age where I find friends and fit in is (27/3)*2=18 years old. In short word is it a delayed social maturation.



runningaway
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28 Dec 2012, 10:07 am

IChris wrote:
The "formula" (Biological age/3)*2 have always described my 'social' age. So, as being 27 years old biological my social age where I find friends and fit in is (27/3)*2=18 years old. In short word is it a delayed social maturation.


Well said - I agree. The gap tends to get bigger as we get older and your formula covers it better than I did in my previous comment. :D


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decoyalone
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28 Dec 2012, 10:18 am

I get along best with people a fair amount older than I am. I've always felt older than my peers and have been told I'm "wise beyond my years". I'm not good with kids. I'm not bad with them, it's just.... I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm around them. Even when I was a kid I never really acted like I was a kid, and my sister is ten years older than me so she moved out when I was 8, and I was a social outcast when I was a kid, so I've never had much first-hand experience with people younger than me. Also, people older tend to be more emotionally mature and I can't stand immature people.



Tyri0n
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28 Dec 2012, 10:51 am

I had some family problems that forced me to "grow up early" when I was about 10. For my early teenage years, I felt like an adult and like my peers were still kids.

When I started college, I started feeling younger than my actual age. Now, at 26, I do believe I am 17-19 in a lot of ways. I definitely feel less "responsible" and less like I want to "start a family" yada yada yada, unlike peers. Doing some spatial reasoning training to help with my severe NVLD has unlocked some new abilities and unleashed a child-like curiosity about the world around me that I never had before, and I feel like there's a lot of self discovery and learning I have been doing since my diagnosis that makes me feel like a kid. Between my autism and homeschooling, I've missed out on a lot of things my peers enjoyed that come with being teenagers and young adults, so I definitely don't feel like becoming grown up or responsible any time soon. I am financially independent and have been so since 18, so I guess I'm above judging.

But, interestingly, I still feel most comfortable around older people (30 + for guys and 28 + for women). I am actually fairly uncomfortable with people more than a few years younger than myself. I enjoy my little sisters (10 and 12), but otherwise, talking to minors is just weird, and I would never do it.



Kapey
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28 Dec 2012, 1:41 pm

Yes, totally.

This is why if I were able to form an amorous relationship it would preferably be with a younger woman precisely for this reason. But no one seems to understand this.


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Cruella
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28 Dec 2012, 9:03 pm

Oh sure. I have a lot of younger friends.



hartzofspace
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29 Dec 2012, 5:19 pm

Unseen wrote:
I met a few former classmates recently... and yeah, most of them seemed older than me, even though we were born in the same year.

Some of them are even married. Some have kids. Some live abroad.

Curiously, they remarked that I still look the way they remember me - "It's like you don't get older," someone remarked.

:lol: Yeah, I get this ALOT! It makes me feel like I am stuck in a time warp, or something.


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loner1984
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29 Dec 2012, 11:02 pm

I feel as im stuck in time..

Maybe i just dont have the mental capability to learn or evolve to further adult stages.

But im more or less the same as when i was 16-18. its not to bad when your living alone like me and dont really see people.

But in those rare cases where you see something from that time, it feels very strange, like they can be a whole different person. I wonder what causes normal people to keep growing. it cant be because of a job alone vs not having a job ? or maybe it can. not sure.

Maybe i personally just lack the desire. I dont really see why i would wanna change.



Joe90
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30 Dec 2012, 10:17 am

I do feel younger than my peers when it comes to the drinking, dressing up and clubbing part. I have never got drunk in my life, I've never been to a bar at night in my life, and I have never dolled myself all up and caked loads of make-up on and made me hair perfect in all my life. I do feel like an idiot not doing any of that because everybody's done at least one of those things at some point in their lives, and I am not into dressing up and going out and drinking anyway, but because all my peers do it, it still eats me up inside. I do let it though, I suppose. But I just can't shake myself out of the bad feeling I keep getting.

And when one of my younger cousins announce that they have a boy/girlfriend, I do have a meltdown from jealousy and isolation. It definately makes me feel a lot younger, being so I've never snogged anyone before either. My mum had her first snog at 9 years old, and first had sex at 18 years old, and she's not even an extrovert at all, never has been. In fact, every middle-aged person I know had their first snog early and stopped being virgins before they reached 20. I'd be 23 in three months and still a virgin who has never snogged.

Crap being Aspie, isn't it? :roll: :cry:


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whirlingmind
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30 Dec 2012, 10:28 am

I have in my very few friendships, attracted older friends or younger ones. I think with the older ones it's because I seem serious so they maybe take that as maturity (never was a vacuous, silly girl). And they have been way older than me, like 20-30 years older). I've also always been told I look significantly younger than my age too, so perhaps that's why I had a couple of younger friends.

The only same-age friend I have, who is my only proper friend, initiated a friendship with me at about 8 years old at school because she fell out with her friend and did it for an "I'll show you" result. Had she not befriended me I would have gone through life to date without a really proper friend.


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Tyri0n
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30 Dec 2012, 1:19 pm

Parts of this thread remind me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtyEbAgNJsQ