Is it normal for a female to have all male friends?

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Joe90
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27 Dec 2012, 4:20 pm

I have a friend (a lot older than me) who has no female friends (except me and a few female acquaintances). She used to be the only woman at her work until another woman joined, and she didn't really talk to this other woman much.

She went on holiday for 2 weeks with her friend who was a man. My mum always says that men want sex and don't do friendships with women, but these friends of my friend must be able to do friendships with women.

My friend doesn't like men in a sexual way. She said she hasn't had a relationship for more than 20 years, and she really isn't interested in sex, and she doesn't even like flirting. She lives on her own, which she is happy with.

I don't think she's gay, or I don't know if her male friends are gay, but it just seems a little bit funny that she is friends with all men. I sometimes wonder if she is Aspie because she shows quite a few Aspie traits, but then she is very chatty and is good dealing with the public, so she can't be. She's not too masculine, she wears make-up and has a nice hairstyle, but there is just something quite odd about her that I can't quite put my finger on.

Could she be gay? Or asexual? Or socially awkward?


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meems
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27 Dec 2012, 4:59 pm

I'm a very chatty aspies, and various jobs I've been pretty good at dealing with the public.

Sometimes people are just what they are, I think anyone can be gay or asexual etc. I may be misreading your post, but I'm confused about where your concern is... is something going on about it that is bothering you somehow?

Sorry I'm no help


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Joe90
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27 Dec 2012, 5:18 pm

No, I was just wondering. I only met my friend through her job (she is a bus-driver) so when I get on her bus she often talks to me, maybe she feels there's a connection between us. We are becoming good friends, and there might not be anything different about her to the rest of the people, but I don't like to ask her about her background, just like I wouldn't like people to ask me about my condition.

My friend can get in a mood with people quite quick without them having to hardly do anything at all. A lot of people who know her have said that she can have her moments, and that she gets het up over very small things what other people can't quite understand. Maybe that doesn't mean she is an Aspie, but it still makes me curious. I also find her fascinating, her view on things and the way I can relate to her an awful lot.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being friends with all men, but sometimes I heard about females being friends with all males can mean maybe they are socially awkward and find they get along better with the opposite sex, or the other reason could be that they are gay. I'm not gay myself, and I don't have anything against gays, but I think I would feel a little bit uncomfortable if a gay woman suddenly had a crush on me.

I have known a gay woman before who always hung out with men and didn't really get along with other females. I'm Aspie and not gay, but I find that I would be happy if I just had all men as friends, as I get along with men better because I don't like feminine things like clothes shopping.


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antifeministfrills
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27 Dec 2012, 6:06 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I have a friend (a lot older than me) who has no female friends (except me and a few female acquaintances). She used to be the only woman at her work until another woman joined, and she didn't really talk to this other woman much.

She went on holiday for 2 weeks with her friend who was a man. My mum always says that men want sex and don't do friendships with women, but these friends of my friend must be able to do friendships with women.

My friend doesn't like men in a sexual way. She said she hasn't had a relationship for more than 20 years, and she really isn't interested in sex, and she doesn't even like flirting. She lives on her own, which she is happy with.

I don't think she's gay, or I don't know if her male friends are gay, but it just seems a little bit funny that she is friends with all men. I sometimes wonder if she is Aspie because she shows quite a few Aspie traits, but then she is very chatty and is good dealing with the public, so she can't be. She's not too masculine, she wears make-up and has a nice hairstyle, but there is just something quite odd about her that I can't quite put my finger on.

Could she be gay? Or asexual? Or socially awkward?


No, it isn't. She sounds asexual.



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28 Dec 2012, 8:39 am

I'm MAAB and most of my friends have always been women. I've noticed that a great number of my female friends express discomfort around other women because they feel that there's a sort of "competition" that occurs in female circles where women will subtly try to outdo each other in looks, social achievements, and so on as a strange sort of dominance dynamic. I think this kind of behavior is typical in marginalized groups and a lot of women who are more independent and less into traditional gender roles feel uncomfortable around it. actually none of the women I know who have told me other women or "typical women" make them feel uncomfortable are lesbians, though all of the ones who have expressed this to me have said something like "I wish I was a lesbian" or something because they're also uncomfortable with typical male/female power dynamics.

I expect whoever this woman is, she simply is a bit more active and perhaps feminist in her outlook, rather than the behavior necessarily having anything to do with her sexuality per se.


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30 Dec 2012, 8:47 pm

Most of my friends are male. They are easier to get along with and easier to predict. Hell, given my experiences in childhood I'm so happy to have a friend I could care less the gender.



Rorberyllium
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30 Dec 2012, 10:18 pm

Why is it considered normal for someone to almost exclusively have friends who share the same biological sex? People should be around people who make them happy and comfortable regardless of those factors.



Joe90
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02 Jan 2013, 1:00 pm

Yes, I know it is OK for women to have male friends, but to my friend I'm the only female friend she's got, otherwise she doesn't get on with any other females and she's always doing things with men and prefers to be with men. But at the same time, she does not want a relationship with a man, and she doesn't flirt at all. If a man asks her out or shows some sort of sign that he likes her, she will not talk to him at all. I just find her rather fascinating, but I don't like to ask. Maybe when I get to spend more time with her I might ask about how she feels about men and women.


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