Why do you find the word "retard" offensive?

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btbnnyr
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30 Dec 2012, 11:59 pm

I tried hard to come up with some negative emotional reaction or feelings of offense to this word, but I failed. My mother often calls me retarded, stupid, or missing pieces of my brain, and I feel nothing from these insults, but maybe that is because they come from my mother. I don't recall others calling me these things, only weird which I didn't mind either, and creepy which made me somewhat pleased.



League_Girl
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31 Dec 2012, 12:00 am

btbnnyr wrote:
I tried hard to come up with some negative emotional reaction or feelings of offense to this word, but I failed. My mother often calls me retarded, stupid, or missing pieces of my brain, and I feel nothing from these insults, but maybe that is because they come from my mother. I don't recall others calling me these things, only weird which I didn't mind either, and creepy which made me somewhat pleased.


Sounds like she is verbally abusing you.


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btbnnyr
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31 Dec 2012, 12:09 am

League_Girl wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
I tried hard to come up with some negative emotional reaction or feelings of offense to this word, but I failed. My mother often calls me retarded, stupid, or missing pieces of my brain, and I feel nothing from these insults, but maybe that is because they come from my mother. I don't recall others calling me these things, only weird which I didn't mind either, and creepy which made me somewhat pleased.


Sounds like she is verbally abusing you.


It doesn't seem that way in person. My mother has a high estimation of my intellectual abilities when she is not calling me retarded for missing some social thing, doing some bizarro thing while cooking, or not being able to taste the difference between different types of rice and bread.



Pabalebo
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31 Dec 2012, 12:41 am

I've never found it offensive. Maybe that's because I'm not retarded though.


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31 Dec 2012, 1:03 am

League_Girl wrote:
People also say stupid for items and for ideas they don't agree with. Like "That's stupid" or "Stupid toy." People will also say "that's dumb." I have never seen anyone call any ideas an idiot or any items or situations an idiot. Only dumb and stupid.


Yes, I know. I used to call people's arguments stupid, but they took it as if I were calling them stupid, so I stopped in the interests of clearly communicating my points and minimizing intrusive emotional reactions.

I still do not use those words for anything now if I can avoid it.



Verdandi
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31 Dec 2012, 1:04 am

League_Girl wrote:
Jitro wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I think people who get offended over the words retard and retarded are hypocrites because they use the words stupid and idiot and dumb and they don't connect those words with a mute person and someone with low intelligence. I get that words change over time but so did the R word and people keep connecting it to the low intelligence? Why not do it with the other words too? Why not connect dumb to mute people and get offended by it?


What about "lame"? What do you think about people referring to things as "lame"? The word means "unable to walk".



Same as what I think about people who are offended with the R word but yet aren't offended by that word nor the other words and also use them themselves.


Some people are offended by the word "lame."

http://disabledfeminists.com/2009/10/12 ... file-lame/



Janissy
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31 Dec 2012, 7:50 am

Verdandi wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
People also say stupid for items and for ideas they don't agree with. Like "That's stupid" or "Stupid toy." People will also say "that's dumb." I have never seen anyone call any ideas an idiot or any items or situations an idiot. Only dumb and stupid.


Yes, I know. I used to call people's arguments stupid, but they took it as if I were calling them stupid, so I stopped in the interests of clearly communicating my points and minimizing intrusive emotional reactions.

I still do not use those words for anything now if I can avoid it.


I found the same thing. If you say "that's a stupid idea" people will interpret it as "only a stupid person would think up that idea". But if you say "that's a bad idea" people will not take it personally and the discussion will stay focused on the idea itself. People don't think you are calling them a bad person if you say their idea is bad.



CyclopsSummers
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31 Dec 2012, 8:08 am

Janissy wrote:
I found the same thing. If you say "that's a stupid idea" people will interpret it as "only a stupid person would think up that idea". But if you say "that's a bad idea" people will not take it personally and the discussion will stay focused on the idea itself. People don't think you are calling them a bad person if you say their idea is bad.


Yes indeedy, I think it's because the word 'idea' has an inherent aspect of 'thinking prowess' to it. When people hear 'That's a stupid idea', or 'that's a foolish idea', it's interpreted as a judgment of their intelligence. 'Foolish idea'--->'It's an idea born of folly' ---> 'Only a fool would think of that idea', as you pointed out above. Same with 'stupid', where the idea will have been 'born of stupidity'.

Whereas 'bad' casts no judgment on the intelligence of the person coming up with the idea. It casts judgment on the idea itself, and on the feasibility of its realisation.


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League_Girl
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31 Dec 2012, 12:49 pm

And people don't interpret that as you calling them a bad person if you say "that's a bad idea." Doesn't make any sense.


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Verdandi
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31 Dec 2012, 5:37 pm

I know, it makes no sense. Sometimes "bad idea" gets defensive reactions, but not like "stupid idea" does.

I am still learning that there are bad ways and good ways to tell someone their ideas are wrong, and with some people there simply is no way to do it because they can't handle the fact that they're wrong about something.