Bad at communicating.

Post Reply New Topic

I just had a long serious talk with my boyfriend. During the talk I got to know that I'm really bad at communicating at that he thinks we're on two different levels when it comes to communication in our relationship. Apparently I isolate myself and I distance myself both physically and emotionally. I'm not good at showing appreciation and I'm not good at talking about what's going on inside my head. Apparently he also thinks I see everything in "black and white" etc.

Having these problems are not exactly news to me but I must say I got rather surprised that my boyfriend feels this way. I thought I was quite good at "reading" him but it turns out I'm not. My parents have also mentioned I've got problems with communicating. They sometimes wonder why I get so withdrawn and why I won't talk about my thoughts and feelings.

Four questions:

1. Is this common among people with AS?
2. Is this common among people who don't have AS?
3. Is it weird that I feel like I want to "turn inwards", get withdrawn and not talk about things with my boyfriend (or other people)? I'm sort of stuck in my head and even though that often creates a lot of anxiety I feel safe in there. In my own world.
4. Can you relate to this?

Thanks,

rebbieh

1. Yes. I happen to deal with this all the time.
2. NTs have issues with communication too, but ASs typically have the issues when it involves an emotional component.
3. Yes, thats very common, from my experience. I do it myself, quite a bit. And no its NOT weird at all. Its how you process things. Others may not understand it, but its you. And its how you work.
4. Im relating as we speak.

The fact is these issues are not uncommon at all. It takes an understanding person, who can understand what your trying to communicate, and be patient with you as you communicate these things. I readily assert that Im difficult to communicate with, and at times, my communication is taken in the wrong way, or is deemed ineffective. But this is a fact that I accept, and I strive, in my own head to resolve it. The uptake is just a little slow for me.

Totally. Even as a child I rarely communicated when I was unwell - the first my parents knew of a return of my recurring ear infections was when my eardrums ruptured and blood / pus ran from my ear.

I recognize this. I can't change it.

Ive been told this often by my mom.

Other people when they were hurt would cry and draw attention and get to their parents. I was totally the opposite.

Even today, i prefer to handle stuff alone. Im terrible with my own emotions.