Do others consider you to be embarrassing?

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I don't hang around with the sort of people who would be embarrassed by me.

I don't get such comments now, but I do know that in the past, both of my siblings were embarrassed by me.......I think it was mainly because I was not like their friends older siblings.

My family is embarassed of me, but I don't care

All the time esspecially when I get hyper and stim then they tell me to grow up.

Not that I know of, though sometimes I embarrass myself, when I realize I've committed a faux pas or don't understand a social convention.

None has ever considered me embarrassing even when I used to hang out with the cool kids they used to look after me even though everyone else knew them as the local rough kids that would likely rob you.

I was always just the quiet insecure guy but they didn't care and felt like a family to me

People who are unusually socially conscious tend to be embarrassed by me. People who have normal social consciousness are not. My mother's embarrassed because I can't distinguish the salad fork from the meat fork. She's afraid to take me to meet her friends because she feels I'll commit some faux pas.

All in all, I don't believe people find me embarrassing, except for those who rely on Emily Post as a guide to life.

I went through a phase of causing a bit of a scene when I was a teenager, aged around 12-15. Not tremendously, but my mum wasn't always impressed, and I remember her saying things like ''I don't know what people think of you!'' and ''it was so embarrassing!'' I think toddlers having tantrums used to set me off, and I used to swear and stamp my feet and even try to pull out my hair, which did used to draw attention. I suppose being only on the mild end of the spectrum, people expected me to have more self-control, even my mum. Now thankfully I have grown out of that, and although I still get upset with noises like toddlers having a tantrum, I can still keep my control and act cool. I don't like embarrassing myself in public, as I have got social phobia and I'm hypersensitive to what others are thinking and feeling.

I seem to attract people's attention when I am talking, as though something about my voice is odd and people turn and look at me. But it might just be paranoia, and I am hoping it is, because people who know me don't seem to have a problem with talking to me in public, so I can't be that embarrassing. Today on the bus a girl from work got on. I don't know her too well, but she actually came and sat in the seat behind me (I had shopping bags on the seat next to me) and she seemed keen to chat so I did. But as we were talking I suddenly noticed two boys (who were talking loudly the whole time) laugh at me, I'm sure. One of them sort of looked my way and laugh a little, and his mate said ''what?'' and then I thought I saw him look my way too, as if the first boy noticed something ''funny'' about me and decided to act upon it. I just glanced at them with my eyes as I was talking to the girl, then looked away and carried on talking. The boys didn't laugh any more, they just carried on talking loudly amongst themselves. But it's still a little off-putting because I know I don't speak in a strange monotone, I use facial expressions when I talk, and I don't stutter or talk really loudly (these boys were talking more loudly than what we were). And the girl I was talking to seemed to enjoy talking to me, and I know she is definitely NT. I don't know what I do that's so embarrassing, as I've never had speech delays or any speech problems really. My mum says I look and act like an ordinary 23-year-old, and I also consider myself ordinary too. Just because I have Asperger's it doesn't mean to say I do all these odd things without knowing. I KNOW I am responsible for my actions, and besides I am a female with mild Asperger's so I can hide it better and appear normal, and I am aware of the things around me and how I act too. Anyway enough of going on about this, I haven't had people laugh at me for a few years now and this has set me back.

I have to be honest, this is one of my biggest fears, even now as a 29-year old. I feel like my senses for knowing what is and is-not embarrassing are low, and in general I am rather bold and will say whatever is on my mind if I think it's worth saying. Even though I am brave, it still hurts a little when my students pick at my mannerisms (apparently I stand weird at a microscope <rolls eyes>). I mean REALLY, if they knew how long it took my mother to get me to not constantly sit at the dinner table in a fetal position.... they would understand that I am JUST DIFFERENT, and it is not worth trying to change EVERY LITTLE FREAKING THING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER in order to suit an udergraduate's sense of normalcy. <steps off of soapbox>

As a kid, I was the youngest of 3, and growing up I was constantly told that I was "annoying" and to "go away." When I was young I would ignore these threats, but now I feel as though, if someone doesn't want me around, maybe I should just leave them alone. I know I'm a unique flavor of icecream so to speak, and I'd rather be around people that appreciate me than those that don't. Still, it's hard driving blind sometimes.

Anyway, I can relate to the OP. I'd like to tell you that it DOES get better, and that ultimately it's your choice what about you changes and what stays the same. It's true for NTs too, they largely just choose to make themselves very vanilla for some boring reason. We're more like lemongrass gelato. I bet there are people in your life, or who you will meet in the future who appreciate your rare flavor for life.

Don't sweat the haters, even if it seems like your family is part of them. I bet they aren't. I wager they are just trying to do what they think is helpful, even when it is irritating. They won't be your overlords forever though. For me anyway my relationship with my entire family really changed when they realized that I was able to function without them just fine, even though I had struggled with basic things for years growing up. It took my mother a few years to realize that even though I struggled in middle and high school, I was doing quite well in college and didn't want anyone else's help. I remember my sister did a spit-take when she heard that I was going for a PhD, and that multiple places had contacted me and given me offers. I think back on it now, and realize that knowing when to listen to the advice of others and when to ignore them is a special skill I developed at some point, and that it is key to preserving who you are, while still utilizing the narrow wedge of criticism that is actually constructive.

So yeah, being embarrassingly different is ok.... sometimes, it's actually better

Oh my god, this, for me too. ^ ^ ^

I've noticed that kind of thing happening to me in public places my whole life.

Except, in my case, I have a suspicion that for me it's because my voice can get loud when I don't mean it to.

It's ironic, because I spent much of my childhood and teenage years basically selectively mute in public situations. You could barely GET me to talk, much less talk above a modest murmur.

As I learned (or rather, I felt forced to learn) to come out of my shell, I think I swung to the other extreme and started to talk too exuberantly in a type of overcompensation. I definitely know that I've overcompensated a lot socially. I had gone through a process of realizing that I personally, in the life I was having to live, would have to force myself to be more social (I was in a sink or swim situation in my life), and I think my attempts were and maybe still are a bit clumsy. So now I tend to talk too loudly for the situation sometimes, but I only become aware of it when I've already started doing it and the funny looks are starting.

But I can't help feeling that even though I think I'm not talking loudly or oddly, sometimes strangers STILL turn and look anyway, and I don't know why.

I have enough awareness to discern SOME emotions and reactions in people, though not always (I very often don't pick up on the way someone's really feeling at all) -- and I have noticed what seem to be signs of downright irritation in people.

I was once taking a Greyhound bus journey with my then-husband (yeah someone once married this embarrassing loudmouth, hahaha!). We were stuck on this bus for a three hour journey. Me and my husband were chatting. There was a young guy sitting in the seat across the aisle and one row ahead. I started to notice that he kept turning around to look at me. And I started to notice -- even though I'm not always good at picking up these things-- that his body language DID look like he was getting more and more irritated. Sometimes it starts to be impossible to miss, even for someone with spectrum blind spots for body language. I saw his face when he looked at me, and I saw him twisting and turning and he looked more and more pissed off.

I was chit-chatting away at my husband, and I started to have a moment of self-awareness that I was talking quite loudly. I do know from hearing my voice on video and other recordings, that I have an annoying speaking voice that I'm not really modulating nicely the way other people seem to do. It annoys even me myself. I try my best to control it as I feel self conscious about it.

Now, obviously I could be assuming a lot and completely mistaken about this young man's reactions, and other incidents just like it that have stuck in my mind over the years.

But when these things start piling up, just putting two and two together means that I can't help but feel my assumption might be correct; that people do seem to find the way I talk annoying.

This is just me, I'm not saying this is you too, Joe90 -- it's just that your post rang a bell of total recognition as I've had these reactions from people too.

In my case I believe it's my voice and maybe the childish things I say; I'm a bit of a "whimsical" person and I'm sure I was saying stupid things on that Greyhound too, things only my husband kind of tolerated and indulged.

I do now feel self conscious about having a conversation with a friend in a public place where people can over hear me, because I feel like I don't ever NOT get people turning and looking. I try to speak more quietly and subdue some of my more whimsical things I say, but I just don't always succeed, in the same way you can't always get the ball in the basket.

I don't know. They can tell me if I am but otherwise I don't care if other people are embarrassed by me. I don't really behave in obviously embarrassing ways though. Occasionally I'll do something "childish" and if that's embarrassing for the natives, then tough. I am who I am and I'm not changing my behaviour to avoid embarrassing anyone. If that's the worst harm I inflict on the poor, precious butterflies, I'm okay with that. I have more important things to think about.

Yeaa I'm an embarrassment to my family. Always showed up their bad parenting.

Sometimes I am reliably perfect and pleasant, but if I'm tired/stressed/unwell I cannot keep up that facade, and at times have embarrassed myself and others in a spectacular fashion. But, I try to find the humor in these things, it reduces the cringe factor.

^^^
This

My parents thought I was but not really anyone else did.

My teenage daughters think I am embarrassing. But, I think that's normal.


My dad use to tell me this when growing up ("Rocket, modulate your voice!"). My wife and kids tell me the same thing

There's a guy at my work who also has a booming voice. When I ask him questions, the sound from his voice is just on the edge of hurting my ears. Maybe I should invest in earplugs.