Intimacy (Or Lack Of)

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How do we aspies get around the issue of being touched, or touching someone we like?

Some of you may be aware that a few weeks ago, I posted about Advice on someone I was starting to date. Four dates in, and there is definately chemistry. We enjoy each other's company, and have things in common.

The one thing lacking thus far is any form of intimacy, whether thats holding hands or kissing. The closest it has came to is hugging goodbye. By basic nature, I find contact itself difficult to act, and to me doesnt feel natural.

Mentally, I do want to be more involved, and show her that I do like her a lot, but am kinda lost in terms of how I do that. She considers us as a couple, but in my mind, I dont think that distinction can be made without a deeper form of intimacy.

Another danger is that the lack of contact may threaten the chance itself of a relationship, which is preying on my mind.

Please bear in mind that I am very inexperienced in this field, and this current scenario is the closest Ive ever got to being involved with anybody.

Any advice on how I get myself over this would be appreciated.

Regards

Lee

It sounds a bit strange that she considers you a couple though you have never kissed. But I think this means that she likes you a lot.
Have you or has she tried to initiate physical contact? You don't have to do it all at once.

We do like each other a lot, and she is not shy about that distinction.

I initiated the hugs, which Im trying to feel comfortable with.

Then it sounds like you're absolutely on the right track.
When the opportunity arises, gather all your courage and reach for her hand. It should be technically far easier than hugging. Kissing is certainly a completely different topic.

(I have diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome just so you know.)

My first problem around intimacy is that I have hyper-sensitivity to touch so I don't want to be touched. The second problem is that I don't have sexual desire at all. Sex just isn't something that I think about, alone or with my partner. So I can go without any sexual feelings or wanting intimacy( kissing, cuddling.) for weeks. My partner knows that I have touch issues and so is careful not to intiate intimacy but if she doesn't then we rarely share intimacy. It takes a lot of self-control and willpower to get myself to the place where I want intimacy and by that time the moment is gone.

I do find my partner devastatingly attractive and she knows this. I tend to put the blame for this coldness on my part upon myself. I have asked my doctor about hormone enhancer drugs but I dont want to take a drug that could change my personality.

I feel guilty that I don't want sex, at all with my partner. I just dont get those feelings.I know this cant go on forever.

Any thoughts guys?

Lee

I don't have a problem with desire. Instead my problems with intimacy arise from just not knowing what I am supposed to do. Maybe it's because I usually do not like being touched, but I assume when I am with a woman, she doesn't want to be touched. I don't know when I am expected to hold her hand or kiss her or make any other kind of moves toward intimacy. I don't want to force myself on anyone so I err on the side of caution and don't do anything.

I don't have much experience at this so I can only offer my guesses as to what might be helpful...

Do you think it could be helpful to ask her to guide you a bit. Be open and honest about how you feel and tell her that she can let you know what she would like you to do. If you ask her to provide input as to what to do and when to do it, she she might like the idea a lot. You may find that once she has helped you explore the boundaries of what she feels is acceptable, you may feel more free to initiate intimacy. At least in my experience, not knowing what a woman wants or doesn't want has been a huge inhibitor. Some compassionate guidance would have helped a lot.