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Chloe33
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10 Jan 2013, 9:44 pm

MELODY-S wrote:
I'm an Aspie and so is my son, so we struggle sometimes with communication. My son is recently out on his own to go to college and he is asserting his independence. I understand that, but he is doing something that is driving my crazy and I could use some advice.

He is growing his hair long and does not shave regularly. I'm OK with that except that he is not taking care of his hair and it looks like a rat's nest. Most recently when I saw him this weekend I realized that something was very wrong with this hair. He had let his cat chew on his hair and there is now a large portion on the side/back that is chewed off. It has gone beyond normal scruffy to being completely ridiculous.

He absolutely refuses to get a haircut to even it out. I took him to the store and we bought him some hair products, which he did not object to. I am not sure if he will use it, but it is something.

I have been obsessing about his unkempt hair for a while now. He is pushing back. In the grand scheme of this this isn't huge, but it does not help him get along in the world. I went through my own scruffy phase before I learned socially acceptable grooming so I do understand - sort of.

Any suggestions about how to deal with this?


Your son sounds like a sweetheart, he must love animals! We have 3 cats :D
He might like his hair the way it is and want to keep it that way.
There's been numerous times my mother didn't like my hair or just wanted me to comb it at all.
In the end it comes down to as long as your son is happy



Stoek
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10 Jan 2013, 11:04 pm

Wow never realized that haircuts was an aspie thing, I mean seriously it never even occured to me.

Anyhow I've had maybe 15 paid haircuts in my life.

I detest letting a stranger touch my scalp. Up until I was 15 my mom would have my head for me, I always preferred a buzz cut. Than in my angsty high school years I let it grow out, I thought it was just some teenage rebellion I thought it was typically nt.

After 18, I kept my hair short but would only get paid cuts every 3-6 months, after 21 I started shaving it all the way to the skin and that was 4 years ago.



Chloe33
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20 Jan 2013, 12:32 pm

He might be comfy with his hair that way. I would think if he wanted his hair differently he might change it.
I tend to have a ratsnest look to mine a lot, so i put it in braids



rapidroy
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20 Jan 2013, 3:25 pm

I have to say too, if my cat ate my hair I would view it as a nice constant reminder of the cat's love and would not think about cutting it off, nor would I push him off if cought doing it. Same goes for claw holes and fur on clothes, everyone who I care about knows about my cats so whats the problem with a few holes and fur?



kamiyu910
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20 Jan 2013, 3:46 pm

I can't remember the last time I had a professional haircut. I usually only have my hair cut maybe once a year, although it's going on two years since. I get my mom or husband to do it for me. I can't justify spending money on something like that, plus the whole "stranger touching me" thing is not very comfortable and all the smells. Of course sometimes I don't even brush my hair for a day or two (I used to be much worse). I usually keep it in a braid so I don't have to think about it.


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The_Walrus
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20 Jan 2013, 5:45 pm

I have had one hair cut in the last three years. That isn't because of rebellion, or even because I dislike haircuts, but because I look much better with longer hair.
Spot the Aspie!
http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-a ... 9452_n.jpg

That's one with my hair in extraordinarily bad condition though. This is what it usually looks like:
http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-a ... 3420_n.jpg

I don't mind professional cuts. I hated it when my mum did them. Shivering topless in my bathroom whilst the wire from the clipper was dragged across my back, the clipper constantly getting caught in my hair... eurgh.



Skilpadde
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20 Jan 2013, 6:02 pm

Quote:
That's one with my hair in extraordinarily bad condition though.

Sigh... And I thought it looked nice, walrus


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The_Walrus
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20 Jan 2013, 6:18 pm

I really wasn't taking care of it that week because I was doing charity work in the Brecon Beacons. Not a good advert for not cutting your hair!



Nonperson
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20 Jan 2013, 8:47 pm

I hate getting my hair cut, too. It's just incredibly awkward, and I can tell the hairdresser hates me for not chit-chatting in the right way but I don't know how. I have usually cut my own hair instead, and since reading this:
http://www.anorak.co.uk/343356/news/san ... -boy.html/

I will never go to a hairdresser again!

It sounds like he might not be paying much attention to it, though, and not realizing how bad it looks. He might need reminders, and maybe the tools to trim it (I don't know what kind of products you get him) and having it brought to his attention regularly until he gets into the habit. That's if he's open to the idea. If it's just a young adult rebellion thing, well, there's not much you can do about that.



Last edited by Nonperson on 21 Jan 2013, 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

rapidroy
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20 Jan 2013, 11:04 pm

I could spot the aspie, hes the one that looks like me only my hair falls more/ not as fuzzy.

Another thing I tought of is anyone think long hair(covering ears) may assist in blocking auditory sensory issues, just trying to think of diffrent reasons why some of us may not want it cut, even subcon ones. I know if I pull mine back the computer fan(white noise) gets louder.



alpineglow
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21 Jan 2013, 12:08 am

Just got my hair cut, it had been over a year and was really long almost to my waist. For me, when I can no longer get a brush through it no matter how much conditioner I put in there, then I feel forced to go to a salon. It is embarrassing, uncomfortable and I hate it, but I tell them ahead of time I have "sensory" issues, to not put anything smelly in my hair, and ask for an appointment at a quiet time. It's so difficult that this time I kept walking right past the door and started to turn back and give up. but I was proud of myself I did it. anyways, always have it so the rest of that day is free for me to unwind and just be at home. Kind of keeps me on track and gets me in the door if I know that when I'm done I can go straight to my house.



MaKin
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21 Jan 2013, 12:36 am

in my opinion, it's his hair, whether you like how he's wearing it or caring for it or not. my son likes his hair short. i've always liked it very long. the first time he insisted on getting it cut, i nearly was ill, but i learned to accept that it is how he wants to wear it for whatever reason, whether it be comfort, fashion or not wanting to be bothered with it.
in the end, it is his choice. he's exercising his independence and self-expression.... unless it's a harm to himself or a signal to you that he's neglecting himself in more serious ways, let him realize for himself when it's time for a giant bottle of shampoo plus conditioner.



Webalina
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21 Jan 2013, 12:39 am

Going to salons was stressful for me too. I always got crappy haircuts, it always cost more than I expected, I never knew how much to tip, and I don't like the physical contact it involves. I've been cutting my own hair for almost 13 years now. It's not a GREAT haircut, but it works for me and if it DOES turn out crappy, at least it was free.



auntblabby
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21 Jan 2013, 12:50 am

maybe he's like me and hates having my requests for a specific type of haircut second-guessed by sometimes high-handed beauticians who think they know best in all situations.