Aspi ? Or something else ?

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Hi,

First of all, I ask you to forgive my appromative english, it's not my native language and I'll may do some mistakes (I'm french).

After having hesitated, I finally joined here. What brought me here, it is because numerous things of my behavior are really strange. I do not know how to consider it. If it would be due to autistic features, either just a little bit strange behavior, and moved. To tell the truth the subject became for me a real obsession for several weeks, and in a rather intensive way.
I read a lot the forum these last days, and numerous things you say question me a lot.
I hope that I can better understand if these strange things are connected by any way to the Asperger syndrome on this forum.

Here is the list of some things which are strange in my general functioning, which I was able to observe, and to remember me:
( I apologize if this list is vague, but I do not know how to order it).

- Being close emotionally of somebody is very difficult.
- Difficulty looking in eyes.
- I hate that someone touch me. The physical contact generally.
- The feelings, in particular to love somebody is something very difficult. I do not know how to make with it. It is about something which puts me feeling bad.
- I never mix the food which I eat. Why? I do not know exactly.
- I have numerous rites, for example, I always go to the same restaurants, and always order the same dish. When I go shopping, I buy every time the same things. (If I adduced it, I shall be capable of eating the same thing every day)
- Literal understanding of the language sometimes. (What was worth me of numerous incomprehensions, and awkward situations several times)
- Difficulty with the implicit generally.
- Isolation, distance in front of outside world.
- Difficulty, and not pleasure in social relationships.
- I can become enraged by excess of enthusiasm for certain subjects of discussions. (Although less than compared with a few years behind).
- A rather strange manner of speaking, closer to the steady language than to the ordinary language.
- No interest for the gossips.
- I grant a lot of importance for the sincerity in friendships, and I am very loyal to them.
- Strange thing that I noticed in my papers, when I write a text, there is no character inside, it is only the description of places, a little as a database. (But I do not know how I have to consider it, and that to conclude from it).
- No interest for the fashion, and all the centers of similar interests. (Cinema, celebrities)
- Thought with an important part of images.
- When I go out in town, when there is a lot of people, I do not support it, I very feel sick, put under stress and oppressed.
- I realized recently that I lived in my world a lot.
- I do not know how to maintain a friendship.
- I lived in my internal world before living outside, in the real world.
- I am sad with the social interactions.
- Younger, I was extremely quiet, in the point not to make adolescent crisis...
- With my ancient work on sale, after a 5-hour day when I was really tired, nevertheless it was not tiring physically, but too much effort to make, to understand what we said to me, and to socialize. And stay calm also. But I looked only very rarely at the customers in eyes, in fact I realize that I always avoided unconsciously the eye contact as far as possible.
- I often imitate people, and take model on the others. (That still arrived to me to school last week, I realized that I looked for a model, but is it the demonstration of an other thing? I do not know).
- I do not know how to describe my way of walking, but I feel that I am stiff, and not comfortable with my body, younger one laughed a few at my way of running.
- I am slow, even at school for writing. Even in the work, I am slow, I do not know how to make things fastly.
- I was rather awkward.
- I have a bad writing.
- I often bring down objects.
- I often become enraged in my anger when I do not make a success of something. Even harmless. An example, to change the inner tube of the bike which I had, I got excited, and the more I got excited, and the less I arrived there.
- About the implicit, I am not capable of seeing that a woman is interested by me.
- And then, I do not know how to make for the continuation, if the person becomes more than a friend, I am extremely awkward, and not at all nature. I want, but I do not arrive. I do not know how to prolong the relation, in spite of the fact that I want to try, I do not arrive there. I have no instructions for use in fact. To most of people, it is innate, natural, without efforts, but not to me. That asks me for many efforts. We often tell me to be natural, but how we make, when we have ever known how to make? But also, the trying to pick up, the implicit gestures, all these things which I did not know how to see. I love the women nevertheless, but why that does not work?
- I spoke little, and aside also.
- But rather young also, I believe that I had begun to speak indeed. I had no problem at this level there. I had a good vocabulary.
- I had also some phases of dumbness when I was strongly opposed, and impossible to say a word, even if I wanted to.
- Some absences also, so I left far in my thoughts, once, to the canteen of a summer camp, there was a person in front of me who had called out to me of numerous times, I had not really heard her.
- When I discuss with somebody I focus more on my thoughts, till the point that what he says escapes to me.
- I have problems with the fact of putting certain words in their context what created about incomprehensions in certain discussions.
But also to understand the expressions. As for example " to have an accurate eye " (be endowed to guess aptly the measures), as I visualize to understand them, I do not understand the sense. And I never use them when I express myself, because they have no sense.
- I need of precision in the language. Because I grant a lot of importance for the words, as well as for the precision.
- To express my feelings, that always remains so difficult for me. I do not very well know how to make it.
- That we show me of the affection, but I make efforts for it.
- I have to see in my head what I have to make often before going out.
- whithout timetable, I do not move forward in my projects in everyday life.
- I begin full of projects, but rarely end them.
- I do not dare to go alone in a store, even if I want it. (Especially to go to buy clothes).
- I have difficulty in going towards the others, and when I make it, that does not happen in a natural way. Maybe it is simply due to the fact of having no affinities? I do not know. That reminds to me when a working colleague asked me why I did not speak too much, I answered him curtly that I do not speak to say nothing.
- Younger I preferred to remain isolated that in group, I took the others for models, and the obsession for construction sets (kapla and lego), I made constructions immense, and complex, not mix the food as I had already said it. To fix something during hours, fear of washing himself, a strong desire for collections, and I forget many of the others.
- I do not think that I have difficulties to put my self in the place of others. But a friend says to me that I am in my bubble, that I observe but by far, thus that I think more by "me" than by the others.
- I have always been anxious.
- I have a well marked obsessive-compulsive disorder, I wash my hands very often, and if I do not make it, I feel really sick.
- Concerning my center of interests, I try to be interested in many things, but I return very often to the same subjects in a cyclic way. As the video games, the books... And in a very intensive way.
- When a new subject draws my attention, I think of it to the point that it becomes an obsession.

I specify that I was diagnosed gifted, 6 months ago. ( Heterogeneous IQ).

As regards the tests which I was able to find on the Internet, to try to have some information, and track, I have only results in zones of Asperger. But I do not know if these tests can give reliable indications. Thus, I am cautious with these results.
Autistic quotient: 39/50
Empathic quotient: 19/80
quotient friendship and relations: 30/140
methodical and revised quotient: 80/150

When I compare my self with neurotypical turned out persons (at least by my observations), I realize that I do not really work as them. But where the high potential influences, and does it cause its peculiarities? And where possibly does the Asperger syndrome influence if it is proved true? Where is the border with the douance? Widened phenotype? Absolutely nothing? Anxious? I do not know of what I should think about it.

I began to worry because that begins to look like it too much, and because it worries me largely. And then I am afraid of being wrong also... I try to be persuaded that it cannot be it... When someone sees me, I look almost normal, I have no stereotypies, not too much difficulties to discuss with the others. But at the same time, I am very afraid of imagine me wrongly Asperger.

What is your opinion about this?

I am apologize for the repetitions in my list, the spelling mistakes, and the fact of not having made categories well determined to clear up this long list.

Thank you for having taken time to read everything.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, Spirale!

I can relate to what you're saying, and it does sound a little Aspie-ish. Unfortunately, I don't know you enough (and I don't have a psychology degree) to give you a proper opinion on that. I guess the best thing you could do right now, if you believe in the possibility in Asperger's, is get yourself referred to a good psychologist who specializes in ASDs (Autism Spectrum Disorders).

Best of luck to you, and you're always welcome here. Be sure to check out the forum listings and post around a little bit. There's even a languages forum.

(Aside from a couple of grammar issues, your English was fine. You have nothing to worry about.)

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You don't mention any particular gifts, even though you have been tested as gifted.

While fixing issues is important, I think it is also useful for Aspies to be really good at something--just because we can! Helps the self esteem.

Welcome to WP!

I think everyone, aspies especially, question their mental standing. Are we simply making excuses to make our behavior more acceptable? Why would we separate ourselves from others? I ask myself countless questions in regard to this subject. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor which causes me to question my sanity at times. What if I am wrong and making a fool of myself? Most undiagnosed people that I know are troubled by this thought.

To fix this, I decided that the only person I can be is myself, aspie or not. Even if my self diagnosis is wrong, I still find this forum helpful. If you can find answers to all of the questions that you have, then use them.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!