Morbid personal case of shunning

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For those here who know me already... or care...

My husband of six years suddenly lost his mind (psychotic break in terminology) and ran away to California from Canada, leaving all of his possessions behind, with instructions for me to destroy or dispose of all of them. Even his personal treasures and photos that could never be replaced. He gave me no reason why, and he never communicated with me ever again.

My sixteen year old daughter ran away to Montreal, from Toronto, to live with her friends. Everyone in my family must have conspired to not tell me this, because everyone else had obviously been aware of this plan for quite some time, judging from their reactions. Right before going there, she suddenly quit talking to me, giving me reason whatsoever. And she won't tell anyone else who asks why, either. She behaves as if I'm some loathsome disease she can't bear mentioning. And no one can tell me why.

Obviously this has me all depressed even to the point of thoughts of suicide. An evil-sounding voice in my head keeps saying, "Gettttt Ouuuutttt. Gettttt Outttttt." I have recurring thoughts that I am somehow a mistake for existing.... a mistake of nature? I realize none of this is in fact reality, but there it is, so very repetitive that I feel like I'm taking crazy-pills.

Shunned by closest family. No reason. No explanation. No chance to.... anything. Final, and forever.

Is this really to be our fate?

You tried to approach them and they didn't even give you a clear answer? Wow...
I wish I could help in any way but I have no advice for this topic... The only thing I can do is let you know that I'm truly sorry for you...

Being shunned by my closest family is what I fear and what I'll always fear especially when seeing that the ways of me and my few friends slowly start to part. I don't know if I could take being left alone all by myself.

With your daughter she will grow up and contact you again. From what I understand it's a typical teenage thing. This will pass, keep that in mind when you have thoughts of suicide.

Never ever let this suicide thought get too close to you. Because, if you think it to the end, you should find several people you would make very sad by doing this, and that (at least for me) is the reason for not doing that. Even if lots of harm has been done to you, you would not want to create more harm, right?

And now to your problem:
If your husbands fleeing was caused by a psychotic break, then you are most likely not the reason. If you have the chance (time and job wise) I would recommend to go and search him to get to know the real reason. This way you can finally find inner peace.
About your daughter - perhaps it was just too much for her, try to contact her through her friends and try to talk about it with her, perhaps she was just intimidated by the development of the relationship between you and your husband.


Good luck!

Hi, I don't know you, so my thoughts on this may not be relevant, but here goes:

Wow, that's tough, and I can understand the sense of bewilderment you must feel - but remember that life is an extremely long process and that there are decades before your life story will have played out to the end, when you are old and grey, by which time many things will have become clear to you that are very unclear right at the moment.

Now, two people have abandoned you with no explanation. The only possible motivation I can think of for two people to deliberately do that to someone would be if the 'someone' was a very controlling person and they felt there was no other way of escape. Are you a very controlling person? Excessively so? Did you go snooping through your husband's phone and email accounts and text messages on a regular basis? Did you ring up all your daughter's friends endlessly seeking information about her? My guess is that you probably didn't do these types of things. Maybe you did other stuff, I don't know. But my guess is that you're probably not excessively controlling.

In that case, whyever they have left, it wasn't because of you - it was because of something unusual within them, so unusual in fact that it's led them to break with all convention and human decency by leaving you in the dark. If your husband was mentally fragile, perhaps your daughter also has issues that need attention. It can't have set her a very example that her Dad disappeared like that. But she will come to see that.

Barring hiring a PI to track your husband down and try to find out what he was or is thinking - which would cost a lot of money and probably wouldn't achieve very much except to satisfy your curiosity - all you can do is bide your time and try to get on with life. Presumably if you're married, he or you will be wanting a divorce at some stage, and that should provide enough contact to give some resolution. Just wait. Find things to fill your time, and friends to hang out with. Life is long. You haven't seen the last of them yet. All things become clear in time.

I don't know you at all, but I do care. I'm rather odd like that. The problem is, I'm not sure what to say. I'm only 22. Even if I did, in fact, have a husband to abadon me, whatever children I had would be too young to do the same (except, maybe, to choose to go live with my non-existent husband, perhaps...).

But, I am thinking that there are several WP members that have gone through a similar situation to your own. It looks like at least one has replied to the thread already, but since I'm me, I can't tell if the advice is as sound as it seems on the surface.

I guess all I can say is, good luck, and the community surrounding us is here to circle the wagons!

I take it you want people to tell you not to off yourself, or to reassure you with hollow platitudes.
From past experience that is what it usually means when someone says such things.
It is by no means certain though. You could just be confused and uncertain what you want.

Either way though, I'm not going to advise you on potential ways to suicide... not only because I've thus far failed in them myself (obviously), but also because I've got in trouble on just about every occasion I've tried to help someone rid themselves of this mortal coil. Besides, I don't think that is what you're looking for.

I WILL however advise to keep something in mind:
Don't listen to the voices. They don't want you to kill yourself in the bodily sense. They want you to vanish in the psychological sense. They are your animal instincts, and they resent free will, conscious thought and reason. That voice you hear is the voice of moment-to-moment survival, of self-centered hunger and situational myopia. It considers your body to be its own (it was there first, afterall) and resents that you might supersede its own control... and it will torment you with the most horrific emotions it has at its disposal until you find a way to take action against it.

... Incidentally... the whole mistake-of-nature thing... it isn't worth wasting time on such considerations. Whether nature made us "by mistake" or not is irrelevant. Purpose is just an unnecessary delusion humans convince themselves they need through a fundamental misunderstanding of reality reinforced by centuries of misguided culture. You were made through the process of self-perpetuation, you've engaged in it yourself, and as long as you persist then in a sense you are still continuing it. There is no "good" nor "bad" to it, nor "right" nor "wrong"... it simply is the way it is... like so many other things.
Instead of focusing on what you believe you're meant to do... it would probably be more fulfilling to just contemplate what you CAN do right now... It makes no difference anyway. You're free to make your own choices, limited only by the constraints of your own body.

I'm sorry to hear about all of this... It's horrible when one has a breakdown. Honestly though i would save your husband's stuff he left behind. When he does regain his senses he may realize that he never wanted to lose any of those mementos and treasures. When one has a breakdown, the mind is a mess and often people aren't acting rationally at all. They are completely irrational. Eventually when he gets on meds or therapy he will be rational again and very likely he would regret his stuff being destroyed or gone.

Can you find out whether your 16 year old is living with friends or family? She's technically a minor, and if it were my daughter i'd have her wrote as missing person with the Police. Report her missing with your local police, you might also have to report it to the Toronto Law Enforcement as well. She is a minor, i'm assuming you have custody her, and technically she's a runaway right now. God forbid something happens to her. How well does she know her "friends" in Toronto?

Does your family shunning you have to do with the other situation you mentioned in a different thread about how you were found unconcious in the yard and the EMS and police claimed it was an OD?
Would your daughter have spilt pills there? Sometimes kids younger than her age pick up habits, you never know. It's bad here in this area there's literally 14 year olds who are hooking it's so sad.

However if your daughter said something to your family, would that have caused them to shun you?

Do you have a regular therapist or psychologist that you meet with? I would suggest going to see one, just to have someone to give you feedback and talk to about these things. There's so much going on with you right now and if you are feeling suicidal, you should definitely seek help with a therapist or counselor to talk to.

Would your family have any reasons to steal your daughter from you if your daughter or someone else had said something to instigate them taking your daughter? Would someone have said something bad about you to your daughter?

It may seem like all of this is overwhelming a time, and it is, yet don't be suicidal. Please see a therapist or someone who can help you.
Especially with figuring out all of these incidents.
Don't give up hope, as suicide is fatal. Many times depression can be so bad for one, yet then it passes eventually and good times will come again. Just keep hope and have faith in yourself and you will make it