What happened?

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So, my birthday was yesterday. I just turned 47. I'm looking back at the weekend as a whole and wondering... What happened? I feel like I shut down completely starting around Thursday of last week. It was just too much. My in-laws coming to town, being overdrawn at the bank, my wife going on and on about what she wanted to do for my birthday... I can't figure out why I shut down so badly when I've never been that bad before. I retreated to my computer, played Warcraft and basically ignored EVERYONE all weekend. I don't feel good about how I acted. Any advice on how *not* to do this in the future?

Oh have I been there! Almost the same situation, all the stress just makes me *SNAP*. I go...not sure what the word is, but I just go numb and blank. I go in my shell and hide in an interest or something to help me cope. I would love to know the answer as well. The only thing I have tried is dealing with things, one at a time. But it's too hard for me to do. Starting small and working up to the bigger issues, maybe?

Oh I don't know that you should stop doing this. To be honest I do exactly what you do all the time. I play Runescape. I shut down regularly. Actually, this week I took leave from Wednesday through till today. I'll be back at work on Monday. Essentially, if I don't do this I get quite unhappy. Its as bad as having flu. I wouldn't look at this as bad behaviour on your part but rather as self defence. I have to have at least 3 hours of shutdown time daily. I can do it at work quite a bit due to the nature of my job.

I have a very good understanding with the wife and kids; they know me and how I need to cut out stimuli. I can be quite honest with them and just go into shutdown. They have seen the depression that comes from not being allowed to do this. I think they would like a father and husband who was a bit more lively but they sure don't want the deprrssed one.

I think you answered your own question as to "what happened"? The answer is it was just too much. Why you have gotten through other situations before "not as bad" might give you some insights, but might not. Maybe you were a bit extra tired to begin with - I am 47 this year, too, and the obvious statement is : we are not 18 anymore. We might need a little extra recharge time. Your description alone made me feel like I would shut down in that situation - way too much all at once.

You might be able to pace activities in the future, plan a downtime period between events, but it is not always avoidable. Sometimes I just look and go: yup, I'm gonna pay for this - but then I write"I'm gonna pay for this" into my plans.

I wish I had good advice.

When I am planning my birthday events, I do a family day which can be quite stressful and I do a day just for myself, either the day before or the day after so that I get to unwind.

Sometimes, I do my bit in the morning and afternoon and have the family bit in the evening if it is an event that can be done at night.

You might be able to set times so that the really stressful bit doesn't last longer than a couple of hours and then maybe see people individually if a crowd is overwhelming. I do that too.

I had a nervous breakdown once when I learned we get worse as we get older,
but, on the other hand, there are life strategies that make it easier.
Learn to meditate, learn 'Savasana' at a Yoga class, or relaxation techniques
can Really help you cope with stress.

That weighing expectation that you be "on" over a period of time can add a lot of pressure and lead to a shutdown. Lately my husband has expressed frustration with me for not being more socially engaged, which makes me want to retreat further. It's hard to balance his need to hang out as a couple when I find just work and family so draining lately.

I agree, I meditate sometimes and do basic yoga and it makes me feel good

Another vote for yoga.

I usually just use my headphones, some good music and meditate that way. Works great!

OMG!



So... you and your husband know NOTHING about Aspergers Syndrome or the consequences ?

It's no wonder your drained!