Wrong planet... hopefully not wrong forum...

Post Reply New Topic

After taking a considerably lengthy hiatus from internet forums of any kind, I've made up my mind and decided to join this community for the first time. While seeking others' help does not come natural at all to me - and I've got no spontaneous inclination for opening up and sharing my inner world with others*, I've reached a point in my life where I can't cope anymore with whatever is wrong with me. And I've figured out that maybe stopping pretending it doesn't exist and finding people who are facing similar challenges may actually improve things.

So here I am. Although I haven't been formally diagnosed (at least that I am aware of - I know a doctor told my parents there was something "wrong" with me when I was a toddler, but I don't know the details), a child/adolescent psychiatrist who was evaluating me in my teens did mention he suspected I was in the spectrum - but I didn't want to interact with him and refused to see him again so I doubt he came up with a formal diagnosis.

I don't know why I am like that, I know it sounds horrible, but I just don't like interacting with people, I don't like when they ask me questions and I never ask them questions myself, and I am extremely uncomfortable and confused when they want to involve me in their activities or interfere with mine. Not because I'm afraid of people - it's more because it doesn't make any sense to me, so I try hard to understand why they'd want to do such a thing, fail at understanding it and then my brain hurts (well, I guess the nerves do, not the brain itself) and I'm unable to process anything properly and I feel sick.

I've improved since my younger days but still... I practically spend my life avoiding interaction or limiting the damage it causes me. This includes not answering the phone, not answering e-mails, rejecting all social invitations, etc. This is messed up. I know it annoys or hurts others and I don't know how to make them understand I don't hate people. I just can't handle so much interaction and I am perfectly comfy not uttering a single word for a very long time.

The only reason why I can actually live independently and support myself is because I'm lucky enough to hold a teaching position in my area of cognitive obsession. For some reason, in the context of seminars/lectures/classes/mentoring/coaching I don't mind interacting with people (it helps that the groups I work with are always small), I can be very enthusiastic in fact. To me it's just another way to see problems in new ways and come up with new solutions in a field I'm very passionate and competent about. But I've had other jobs before, and it was a nightmare for me, and I have the utmost respect for those who can work in the hectic environment of an office and cope with multiple, often inconsequential issues simultaneously in a noisy open place and do a good job and not lose their mind.

This turned out a lot longer than I had planned. I apologise for the verbose outburst. (I guess I needed to get it off my chest?)

I wonder if anyone else can relate to anything mentioned above, or if maybe I'm out of place here as well.

Either way, I come in peace.



-----
(*not because I'm arrogant or anything like that, it just doesn't... cross my mind? And even if I came up with such a bizarre idea, I would't really know how to establish a communication protocol and who with... )

Welcome
Well, if there's anywhere not to feel out of place it'd be here

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome!

You make more sense to me than most people do, although over the years I have changed. And I'm self diagnosed, something I only figured out in 2010. My own experience suggests you're right in thinking coming to terms with this will help you. At least, it has helped me immensely.

Welcome to WP!

Thanks. It's nice to meet you all.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Hi! I think we already met on my introduction, but just wanted to welcome you here as well. I hope you will find what you seek!

Welcome!

G'day, schwammerl.

It certainly sounds like an autistic sort of mindset. Unless you're one of the ones that find us all pretty irritating, welcome aboard.

I am quite sure a lot of people here can relate
Welcome!