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yellowtamarin
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15 Jan 2013, 12:51 am

I've started this thread for those of us who struggle to find a happy relationship, but who tend to have a somewhat opposite reason to many others.

The reason? Being picky.

Personally, I don't have trouble getting dates, as I have found an avenue that works for me (online dating) and there are plenty of people willing to meet me. But rarely does a first date turn into a second date, and much more rarely does a second turn to a third. The people I meet are usually nice, friendly, good people. We get along, we have a fun time, and they leave in a positive mood, hoping to see me again. While I also have a fun time and leave feeling positive, I hardly ever feel inclined to see them again. The "spark" that I require is missing. I don't see how this person could be "more than a friend". And since I'm not on the dating scene to make friends, I usually just end everything there so there's no confusion.

So even though I have one advantage in that I can get dates, I'm still just as alone as anyone else who is struggling to find a partner. I'm not willing to be in a relationship that is "okay" or "will do". I'm looking for someone who really is right for me, and due to my unusual brain, there aren't many people who are. And I think there must be others out there with this problem.

Are there any picky singles, or picky people who managed to find someone, who have any thoughts, tips, insight they feel like sharing? Success stories, or ways you have changed / things you have done to help fix the problem, would be most welcome. Also feel free to pile on the "just give them more of a chance" advice if you feel that's good advice. I'd like to see what others really think, rather than limit the advice to things I'd be happy to hear.



MXH
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15 Jan 2013, 12:55 am

ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.



yellowtamarin
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15 Jan 2013, 12:57 am

MXH wrote:
ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.

So what makes you think you are sometimes not rightful in doing so?



MXH
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15 Jan 2013, 1:04 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.

So what makes you think you are sometimes not rightful in doing so?

the whole beggars cant be choosers type of thinking



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15 Jan 2013, 1:07 am

As frustrating as it is to be on the opposite side of that, I've had to make the same decision a couple times too.

Sometimes you meet someone you just feel nothing for and it's only fair to not string them along with false hopes.

Of course, in so doing, you kinda' lose the right to complain about "not meeting anybody"... but some of us aren't willing to settle for just the first person willing. ;)



yellowtamarin
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15 Jan 2013, 1:10 am

MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.

So what makes you think you are sometimes not rightful in doing so?

the whole beggars cant be choosers type of thinking

Gotcha. So would I be right in saying, if you are a "beggar", that most of the time your date is not interested in you, and the rest of the time you are not interested in them? Do you find yourself interested in the dates who aren't interested in you? Or just basically nobody, or close to?



yellowtamarin
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15 Jan 2013, 1:13 am

BlueMax wrote:
As frustrating as it is to be on the opposite side of that, I've had to make the same decision a couple times too.

Sometimes you meet someone you just feel nothing for and it's only fair to not string them along with false hopes.

Of course, in so doing, you kinda' lose the right to complain about "not meeting anybody"... but some of us aren't willing to settle for just the first person willing. ;)

For me it's usually more than sometimes :(

I agree I wouldn't have the right to complain about not meeting anybody, and I don't. But I feel disappointed that I am single.



MXH
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15 Jan 2013, 1:13 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.

So what makes you think you are sometimes not rightful in doing so?

the whole beggars cant be choosers type of thinking

Gotcha. So would I be right in saying, if you are a "beggar", that most of the time your date is not interested in you, and the rest of the time you are not interested in them? Do you find yourself interested in the dates who aren't interested in you? Or just basically nobody, or close to?

i mean beggar in the sense of i dont go out. at all. And the picky part on that even if i had the oportunity to go on many dates i probably wouldnt because id likely not be interested in them. Its hard for me to actually find interest in a girl.



BlueMax
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15 Jan 2013, 1:15 am

^^^ Well, here's hoping 2013 brings each of us someone that makes us tingle. :P



yellowtamarin
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15 Jan 2013, 1:16 am

MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
ive found myself to be quite picky, even when not being rightfully in doing so. I just dont see why waste time simply on the first to say yes if theres nothing there.

So what makes you think you are sometimes not rightful in doing so?

the whole beggars cant be choosers type of thinking

Gotcha. So would I be right in saying, if you are a "beggar", that most of the time your date is not interested in you, and the rest of the time you are not interested in them? Do you find yourself interested in the dates who aren't interested in you? Or just basically nobody, or close to?

i mean beggar in the sense of i dont go out. at all. And the picky part on that even if i had the oportunity to go on many dates i probably wouldnt because id likely not be interested in them. Its hard for me to actually find interest in a girl.

Hmm. I have the same problem of not finding interest, yet I still feel compelled to keep trying. Maybe because the dates are usually quite fun in their own right. It's not like I'm having an awful time.



spongy
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15 Jan 2013, 1:35 am

I was picky and alone for years not that long ago.

I was rejecting someone once in a blue moon but it did happen.

Too young(not that old so a age gap of more than a couple of ages looks wrong and she probably wasnt that interested), barely knew them and they had asked several friends out before... It eventually reached a point where I wasnt asking anybody out because no girl I met just seemed to be good enough.

To me this was my way of avoiding taking a risk/truly putting myself out there. But hey if you are happy by yourself and you are truly looking keep trying, theres probably somebody out there.



MCalavera
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15 Jan 2013, 1:46 am

I don't know what you're looking for exactly, but it may be that it just simply doesn't exist and you are looking for it in vain.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jan 2013, 2:35 am

Image



MXH
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15 Jan 2013, 2:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image

Image



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jan 2013, 2:43 am

That's it yellowtamartin, I am your perfect match :lol:


Image



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Jan 2013, 2:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

windtreeman
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15 Jan 2013, 2:43 am

Yep, I'm incredibly picky with no right to be...I'm not exactly a shinning example of success and sociability, ha. Throughout elementary school, there was usually a girl or two in each year that showed interest in me and unless they were that one single girl I was most attracted to (obsessed with?) I paid them no mind at all. Also, not to worry...the girls that I assumed were interested in me usually wrote me a letter or added something on a Valentine's Day card or something, in case you were wondering if I might have been consistently misconstruing signals :). Anyway, fast forward through middle school and it was the same, then finally in high school, a girl that I'd hardly noticed despite sitting next to her for an entire previous year, got my phone number and asked me out on a date. People considered her attractive and she was swim captain and very intelligent but the only reason I accepted the proposal was because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, not because I was attracted to her. Fast forward and everything about her grew on me with time and we ended up dating for four-ish relatively enjoyable years only to terminate in the exact opposite of circumstances - I was deeply in love and invested and she'd grown out of it, or whatever it was. The terrible thing is, I've made physical fitness and bodybuilding my special interest for the past year and a half so now I feel even MORE picky as far as physical attributes go. Nowadays though, I'm not in enough social situations to even warrant 'pickiness' so I guess this is more of something I dealt with previously. Lastly, before this gets any longer, I understand your musings on the spark between two people...I guess, for me, that hinged on a previous, serious interest in the person; it's almost like being confronted with someone I hadn't had time to seriously consider, threw off some sort of routine and because of that, it's very difficult for me to develop any opinion on them without spending substantial time together.


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