NT/AS relationships? Help!! !!

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Space1471
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16 Jan 2013, 12:52 pm

Hello, I have been with my bf for 2.5 years now we fell into what I believed to be love.. When we met we did not know he was AS and so it caused unbelievable conflict between us ( emotional, verbal even physical abuse) not long after we had been together I found out he had been sex talking to lots of other women via Facebook and texts and even visited his ex at one point, he told me it was because she was having a hard time and was suicidal. He had been talking filth to her for a while which I was unaware of.. I am confused if I am being walked over here? But aren't aspies supposed to be loyal and honest? Am I wrong in thinking he actually loves me? Sometimes it feels like its that he wants me to 'perform' in the 'real world' so I tick his boxes ( successful at work, money, home, travel, sports, family, study, anything he wants!) I look at him at times and think maybe it's just one big manipulation on me.. His family have not understood AT ALLwhat his damaging behaviour and abusive ways has done to me! I feel so alone, I'm searching for people out there who have lived for years in this kind if relationship and to learn from them how they feel? Are they happy? My self esteem is near enough non existent my own life vanished for a good year until I clawed my way back to part time work. Help anyone please... Do I stay with this man or should I get out of this??! I know it's not his fault but its not mine either... Yet I feel if I stay with this person my life would become being simply a servant in waiting for him.. Live his life... Support him in every way forever... And not much focus on my needs or desires.. Sorry if I come across negative, I'm just very lost and very alone. I'm sure many of you understand that bit very well x :)



Night_Shade917
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16 Jan 2013, 1:16 pm

First of all, are you sure this guy is an Aspie? Mainly because the behaviours don't seem very Aspie-like, but then again each person with Asperger's is completely different.

Have you ever tried confronting him about this situation and talked to him about this girl he keeps talking dirty with behind your back? It is important to note the boundaries with people with Asperger's, he may not know that this is inappropriate behaviour and that it can't be accepted while you are in a relationship. Explain that it is upsetting you and that you will not tolerate this sort of behaviour.

Overall, I don't think that this relationship sounds very healthy if you have been emotionally, verbally and physically abused by this guy and on top of that, he is not being faithful to you at all. I personally think that you should get out of this relationship as soon as possible because it is causing you more distress and unhappiness than it should and that's not what you want out of a relationship.

Just remember, if you have met one person with Asperger's you have met one person with Asperger's. They are all different just like everyone else and doesn't mean that people with Asperger's are bad people just because this person with Asperger's has mistreated you.



Geekonychus
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16 Jan 2013, 2:48 pm

Having Aspergers is no excuse for being an abusive and manipulative jerk. You shouldn't have to put up with it from anybody.