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aspigirlus
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16 Jan 2013, 2:26 pm

I have been contracting out my services to a company for the past five years now. But last year, they got a new boss and she has been consistently unkind to me. SHe knows I have Asperger's and she has accused me of all sorts of things, such as saying that the people in the office are nervous of me. This is all news to me. Why didnt she say so in the first place, and why didn't they? Everyone, as far as I knew was friendly. Anyway, to cut a long story short I have now had to resign because I obviously feel awful that people in the office are "nervous of me".
I told her about having Asperger's although I really dont think that, if this caused no problems previously, it should have suddenly done so. Her reply was to say that she didnt profess to know about As;lperger's. I have had 24 hours of being so upset and crying my eyes dont fit my face any more. I have had to resign, I asked initially to complete my work but she said "immediately"
I am in the UK. Where do I stand on this? As I say I have worked with these people for five years. I wrote to apologise to everyone but it is clear that they have been told not to reply to me as nobody has and I would have expected several replies for sure. I feel so sad, I didnt think I was a horrible person and it's really upsetting me.



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16 Jan 2013, 2:35 pm

Well the apology was dumb, since it will possibly cost you the millions you could have gotten in a lawsuit over their discrimination. You don't have to take that baloney. The proper course is to document it, even with recordings if possible, and then to call a lawyer.

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16 Jan 2013, 2:35 pm

aspigirlus wrote:
I have been contracting out my services to a company for the past five years now. But last year, they got a new boss and she has been consistently unkind to me. SHe knows I have Asperger's and she has accused me of all sorts of things, such as saying that the people in the office are nervous of me. This is all news to me. Why didnt she say so in the first place, and why didn't they? Everyone, as far as I knew was friendly. Anyway, to cut a long story short I have now had to resign because I obviously feel awful that people in the office are "nervous of me".
I told her about having Asperger's although I really dont think that, if this caused no problems previously, it should have suddenly done so. Her reply was to say that she didnt profess to know about As;lperger's. I have had 24 hours of being so upset and crying my eyes dont fit my face any more. I have had to resign, I asked initially to complete my work but she said "immediately"
I am in the UK. Where do I stand on this? As I say I have worked with these people for five years. I wrote to apologise to everyone but it is clear that they have been told not to reply to me as nobody has and I would have expected several replies for sure. I feel so sad, I didnt think I was a horrible person and it's really upsetting me.


I wish I knew how things worked in the UK. If it were in the US I would tell you to get a lawyer. I think at the very least you should contact a local autism advocacy group to talk about your options. You might get people here that have had similar experiences but their solution may not work in your locality. There's obviously something fishy about a 5 year track record with no problems then all of a sudden you're let go after a new person comes on.



Robdemanc
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16 Jan 2013, 2:39 pm

Reading your thread made me concerned. I have been in similar situations.

Did this happen fast? You should not have apologized to anyone, and if no one complained but her then you should have asked her to put her complaint in writing to you, specifying who in the office feels "nervous around you".

NT people in the workplace can be the most horrible of all people I know, especially in corporate offices.

What did HR have to say about any of this?



Magnanimous
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16 Jan 2013, 2:41 pm

... I can't say as I'm in a good position to advise here, but I reckon you'd definitely have grounds for unfair dismissal, or whatever they call it.
The only trouble with that is, as with any legal matter, it involves an awful lot of jumping through hoops... and while the end result would probably involve you being paid a fair bit of money because of it, I have no idea where the stress accumulated by just going through the proceedings would be worth it...
... plus of course I'm a hardline Anarchist, so the very notion of trying to play the legal game legitimately is unfathomably alien to me.
Anyhow... if you have any neurotypical friends who might know more, I strongly suggest getting their help with this. That or family. If you decide to play the legal game here, they're going to be in a much better position to do all the necessary social crap it entails than you are. You'd probably end up owing them favours for it... but I'm sure you have ways of repaying those.


On the slightly different topic of future employment, depending on where in the country you're located, you might be able to get help finding a different job from the National Autistic Society. Just saying that on account of them helping me find my job however many years ago it was now... and I've managed to stay employed for the duration. O'course I'm based in London, which sorta makes things easier in that regard (even if it is a horribly dirty and noisy city).

Oh, and last but not least... buck up and swallow down that misery until you're save and stable again. Letting emotions control you is just going to lead to trouble for yourself and others. When the going gets tough, it is generally best to hammer down the emotions and just keep your choices as rational as possible for the duration. Unfortunately they can't be killed off completely, and have to vent sometimes, but if you can stop them from clouding your judgement and manipulating your choices things should go better for you. Better to be the master of your emotions than to let them master you.



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16 Jan 2013, 2:46 pm

You should without doubt speak to an employment law solicitor; you can find one here: http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/find-a-solicitor/. You will probably get a free consultation at least and then even if you choose to instruct them they may be able to work on a CFA or conditional fee agreement more commonly known as "no-win no-fee". Depending on the exact circumstances surrounding this you may well be able to take them to an employment law tribunal. Only a solicitor can say for certain though so you absolutely must see one - don't let that b***h get away with forcing you out of a job because you have AS which is what this appears to amount to. She should be the one out of a job. You will barely have to do anything relating to the tribunal, the solicitor will do 90% of the work or more; it's very unlikely that you would have to attend an actual tribunal - either the solicitor will send somebody or they will instruct some kind of advocate on your behalf (a barrister perhaps, my very limited working experience of English law is in other areas so I don't know how employment tribunals work exactly and whether advice from Counsel is usually required as is the case in some other areas of law). More likely than not the worst you will have to do is have some meetings with your solicitor.

edit: Also, the solicitor will not pressure you into spending money you don't have or anything; you will most likely get a CFA with the solicitor or legal aid considering you are now unemployed; again I'm not sure. Also, make sure that you speak to your doctor/social worker/psychiatrist and any other care-givers you have and register how profoundly upset this has made you, how anxious and depressed you now feel. I'm not sure whether you can be compensated for psychiatric injury in these circumstances but on the off chance you can then it is best that you have already seen them so it does not appear to be a ploy.



Last edited by invisiblesilent on 16 Jan 2013, 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

redrobin62
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16 Jan 2013, 2:52 pm

I left my job last year primarily because they suddenly changed the schedule. My aspieness kicked in, the part that hates sudden changes, and I quit. I couldn't use this argument in a court of law because the company was unaware of my Asperger's. As a matter of fact, I wasn't aware of it either. In retrospect, my reactions were a bit exponential, but that's part of this syndrome. If the company you'd worked in for 5 years knew of your Asperger's, and they've made accommodations this far, then I'd say you have a pretty strong leg to stand on legally.



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16 Jan 2013, 3:13 pm

I would seek advice from the citizen's advice bureau in the first instance. I think your situation is a little complicated because you weren't actually an employee of the company but rather were a contractor, they'll let you know if there is anything you can do take it further (e.g. Tribunal).


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invisiblesilent
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16 Jan 2013, 3:15 pm

YellowBanana wrote:
I would seek advice from the citizen's advice bureau in the first instance. I think your situation is a little complicated because you weren't actually an employee of the company but rather were a contractor, they'll let you know if there is anything you can do take it further (e.g. Tribunal).


I didn't notice the part about being a contractor. I still think that the advice to speak to a solicitor stands - they will not charge for an initial consultation so I always figure why go to the middleweights when you can go straight to the legal heavyweights... seemed to work for my DLA claim anyway ;)



aspigirlus
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16 Jan 2013, 3:21 pm

Ahh thank you everyone! I wish aspies ruled the world, at least there would be honesty instead of connivance.

I apologised only because I thought these people had been my friends and colleagues for five years and I had suddenly been told that they were nervous of me. The last thing I want to do is upset any of them. How horrible did that feel when I read about never apologising, yet another error on my part. I don't do complexities and people playing me off because I quite simply do not understand it. My mistake is that I continually fail to see that NT people are so often not what I think they are and despite so many disappointments I always assume that they are straight-up with me.

But, life isn't like that is it? Even after six decades I STILL don't learn. I hate myself for it, it causes so much pain.



kate123A
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16 Jan 2013, 4:07 pm

when I was unfairly kicked out of college it was hard but I asked for all my tuition back and got the dept of education involved and they did everything. I no longer have any debt from student loans b/c I went to them.

You need to try to get some legal help for this. I know it's hard but I feel way better about myself now and you will too.



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16 Jan 2013, 4:18 pm

It sounds like a pretty clear case of discrimination from what you say. Don't consider yourself a horrible person! If they indeed said they were "nervous" and caused you to lose your job, they are the horrible, bigoted, quick to judge, self-centered people. If there is any legal recourse available go for it, not only for your own sake, but because NTs need to learn that they can't go on treating us unfairly.



Magnanimous
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16 Jan 2013, 4:21 pm

aspigirlus wrote:
Ahh thank you everyone! I wish aspies ruled the world, at least there would be honesty instead of connivance.

I apologised only because I thought these people had been my friends and colleagues for five years and I had suddenly been told that they were nervous of me. The last thing I want to do is upset any of them. How horrible did that feel when I read about never apologising, yet another error on my part. I don't do complexities and people playing me off because I quite simply do not understand it. My mistake is that I continually fail to see that NT people are so often not what I think they are and despite so many disappointments I always assume that they are straight-up with me.

But, life isn't like that is it? Even after six decades I STILL don't learn. I hate myself for it, it causes so much pain.

=/

Mundies are liars.
They can't help it. It is pretty much case in point that natural selection favours those who can lie effectively. Lying in consistent manners all the time actually increases in-group cohesion while punishing out-groups... sorta like a spoken code. Not to mention that language and communication, much like everything else, atrophy over time.
End result is that the majority of communication utilised by the average person is a tangled web of untruths that they mostly take for granted or have ways of bypassing... even to the extent that the straight truth is just plain weird to them.

There is little point to trying to play their game. I tends to be best not to take anything they say nor do for granted, and to pressure them (or trick them) into honesty when you can.

Anyhow... life is pain. The pain only really ends when you die.
But pain is only "bad" because your body has always told you it is. Don't forget your body can lie to you too... or in this case just feed you nonsense, essentially. It is serving its own ends... not yours. Objectively speaking... pain is just a kind of nervous signal. Removed from context, it is meaningless.



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16 Jan 2013, 4:24 pm

aspigirlus wrote:
Ahh thank you everyone! I wish aspies ruled the world, at least there would be honesty instead of connivance.

I apologised only because I thought these people had been my friends and colleagues for five years and I had suddenly been told that they were nervous of me. The last thing I want to do is upset any of them. How horrible did that feel when I read about never apologising, yet another error on my part. I don't do complexities and people playing me off because I quite simply do not understand it. My mistake is that I continually fail to see that NT people are so often not what I think they are and despite so many disappointments I always assume that they are straight-up with me.

But, life isn't like that is it? Even after six decades I STILL don't learn. I hate myself for it, it causes so much pain.

My mistake is that I continually fail to see good in people, I still don't learn either. As a person with a compulsion to see people as 'bad', and not trusting anyone as a result, I wish I could see people the way you do. I consider you lucky.



Magnanimous
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16 Jan 2013, 4:28 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
My mistake is that I continually fail to see good in people, I still don't learn either. As a person with a compulsion to see people as 'bad', and not trusting anyone as a result, I wish I could see people the way you do. I consider you lucky.

It ain't about good nor bad. There are no such things.
People are just serving their own interests... often to the exclusion of all others. They come across as "bad" just because they have exceptionally poor awareness of the consequences of their actions (or else are just too far up their own arses to even give a damn). Tends to be that the more "naturally happy" a person is, the less attention they have to pay to their surroundings (on account of everything already being fine for them as is)... and thus the more self-centered and oblivious they are...

Yet another reason I despise "happiness".



Rascal77s
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16 Jan 2013, 4:34 pm

Magnanimous wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My mistake is that I continually fail to see good in people, I still don't learn either. As a person with a compulsion to see people as 'bad', and not trusting anyone as a result, I wish I could see people the way you do. I consider you lucky.

It ain't about good nor bad. There are no such things.
People are just serving their own interests... often to the exclusion of all others. They come across as "bad" just because they have exceptionally poor awareness of the consequences of their actions (or else are just too far up their own arses to even give a damn). Tends to be that the more "naturally happy" a person is, the less attention they have to pay to their surroundings (on account of everything already being fine for them as is)... and thus the more self-centered and oblivious they are...

Yet another reason I despise "happiness".


Guess you haven't met any really bad people.