WHY does he do this ? Please help me get this.

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Hi,

I need help, understanding my autistic son.

He is considered pre-verbal, because he is constantly babbling (or indulging in vocal stimming depending on who you ask). He echoes words from time to time, and a few times, he HAS been heard to use words appropriately. But this is only when he is really, really upset. Most times, he prefers not to speak and just babbles away to glory.

This is frustrating me because I now know that he CAN TALK IF HE WANTS TO, but he chooses not to. I have purposefully desisted from implementing PECS because I want to motivate him to communicate verbally. So, far, I feel like I am up against a brick wall, because my son is a "yogi" (happy to live in his own world, and if you refuse to give him something he wants, he just shrugs his shoulders and walks away), AND he is adamant.

Based on the advise of an intelligent young lady here, I tried to use flash cards with him, to teach him words. Nice bright cards (he is a visual stimmer and a sensory seeker), thinking it would attract his attention. WRONG. He actually looks away from them. If I follow the direction in which he turns his face, and flash the card, he gets angry and closes his eyes. I have tried dull, bland cards... small cards, big cards, colored cards, black-and-white cards... no, no, no, no. And if I persist, he just closes his eyes, because he knows I won't force his eyes open to make him look at those dang cards.

I am going NUTS. When he babbles and the words come out from time to time, I get upset and frustrated. If he could NOT talk, that is different. BUT, he can talk, but just chooses not to.

Please advise. How can I help him communicate verbally ? Please don't flame me by responding with 'leave him alone, you crazy old bat' or 'accept him as he is' messages (as has happened to me in another forum of autistic adults). I am seeking advise, so please, only constructive feedback or advise. I AM BEYOND DESPERATE to have a conversation with him.

Also, his visual stimming has allegedly disappeared at school (per his teachers), but he stims away to glory at home. I am at my wits' end .. Please help ! !

How old is he?

Please give an example of visual stimming. I am unfamiliar with what that is.

Maybe try animals they can be helpful. Pets helped my sons with being verbal.

He is 3-and-1/2.

Visual stimming : he picks up objects - ANY size, color, shape, is fine - and will rapidly run them in front of his right eye non-stop (visual stim) while screaming loudly at the same time (accompanying vocal stim). His right eye widens when he does this and his left eye is closed during the entire stimming episode.

In the past few days, he has softened his screaming so I don't hear it (so that he can stim visually without being disturbed by me). When I do happen upon him, he stops to look at me. I normally do not grab the object from him or try to stop him from stimming anymore (although, I have done this in the past). He waits to see my reaction, and, if I take even a small step forward, he races away. If I do nothing, he just goes back to stimming, stopping every few minutes to cautiously watch my expression or actions, to ensure I don't grab the object away. Eventually, he sneaks out of the room and tries to find a place where he can be alone, without me watching his stimming. I never follow him anymore when he does this. I try to give him his space and let him stim for about 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

He has become REALLY SNEAKY in the past few days ! !!

Honestly, I don't mind the stimming. I am more worried about his disinterest in talking.

Last edited by HisMom on 16 Jan 2013, 11:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Murderface, would you recommend a cat or a dog ? I really want him to TALK ! !!

Have you tried ABA therapy? It can be used to teach children to speak.

My father tells the story that, on the advice of a book, when my brother (now 21) was young and wouldn't talk, he confined him to a bathroom or closet (I can't recall) and didn't let him out until he asked verbally, to teach him that he needs to speak to get people to do things for him. It worked, but he said it was heartbreaking to listen to his own child cry for hours. I am told I started speaking on the late end of the normal range, so I can't offer any idea what goes through one's mind during a speech delay. I don't know exactly when this was, but I know he used individual words by age 4, because I can remember it. He was using simple sentences within two years of that, but now, though he has a vocabulary that would shame many NTs, his syntax is still simple and incorrect. I don't know if that is relevant, but I thought it might be.

Yes, he is in a TEEACH based preschool program and was receiving ESDM for the past 4 months. He has made a lot of progress in self help skills and in his receptive language. We are about to start doing VB at home ourselves - not sure if that would work, but we are going to try.

Visual stimming is like stimming... but visual.

I'm a giant visual stimmer. I can stare at some repetive movements for hours and it sort of calms me / regulates me like regular stimming does. Sometimes I stare at car wheels on the road, the road itself, marbles when I was little, spinning objects. That's why the DSM criteria talks about "persistent preoccupation with objects bla bla bla"

I don't know much about autism and helping it in kids, but since it's obvious that you can't seem to get verbal communication any communication at all would help. Maybe trying PECS than moving on to trying to get him to talk more, or asking him why he doesn't talk.

I think the problem is YOU want a conversation, like it's your want which is making you so desperate. There does seem to be a problem of acceptance even think there isn't. I have the same problems with my parents. They'll go "We understand but couldn't you be more social" which is like when people say "No offence BUT...". It's like THEY need me to be more social when I could care less.

I think the fact that he's not stimming at school means he's sort of bottling up the urge and it explodes at home. I don't think anybody should try to get the stimming to stop unless it's hurting someone or himself.

It probably would help to be doing the program at home too. If his receptive language is improving, expressive might come in time......expressive language develops after receptive language in typical children anyway.

Reasons for vocal stimming could be development of speech, pre-speech sounds, could be to cover up other noises: little noises like the refrigerator humming, other people talking, traffic sounds outside ect. or it could just be because he likes to hear himself make the noises. It's hard to tell because children do this for many reasons as I understand it.

A dog and a tough and tolerent one. Snakes also were the first pet we had and it helped some. Just like the dog don't expect him to be a motor mouth but any verbal would be an improvement. Music may also help my son now sings german and english. He has his own MP3 player but he is 10.

Oops ! ! I never thought he may be resisting the urge to stim at school, to the extent that he cannot stop himself at home. I am going to talk to his teacher and see what she says... We had our IEP meeting today and she proudly told me that he no longer stims, YAY, etc etc etc.

I was shocked, "What are you talking about ? He stims constantly at home !"

The reason we are trying to limit his stimming is because it interferes with his learning. He would rather stim than do anything else. AND, if we take all his spin toys and stimming toys away, he can still rapidly run his own fingers across his eyes. Who would take his fingers away from him ???

Like I said, the stimming itself would not be a big deal, if he could talk or be willing to learn at some times (at home).

I used to vocal stim a lot as a child. I spoke early so it wasn't pre-speech sounds in my case. I think I mostly did it to cover up noise......I would hum to myself during class up to grade 3 and also and at home and probably elsewhere. At home I still do it , in my own room , to cover up the sounds of my family members doing things in other rooms or little noises of household appliances ect when they're bothering me. I do it to sort-of tune the rest of the world out and focus on my thoughts or revising for uni or typing on this forum, or playing on the computer or whatever I'm doing. As a child I would also twirl a string in front of my face while humming (my other stim) but I think it was for the same reason -tuning out what's going on around me.

Daydreamer, he vocalizes from sun up to sun down. He is constantly moving his mouth ! ! So it just shocks us that he can and WANTS TO make all these sounds, but still prefers not to talk. It makes no sense to me. What am I missing here ? Please help !

Ok, NOW I understand. He wants to tune others out by vocalizing, and not invite them into his world by conversing with them.

Oh, dear Lord, this does not bode well to me. What would be the most constructive way (and least traumatic way for him) to get him to make these sounds AT US ? He can use words when he is really mad, but I want him to talk when he is happy, too. He is such a sweet little boy and has a very nice and musical voice .... I would sell my soul for him to talk to ME as opposed to himself ! !