The trouble with being a parent is that there are an infinite number of ways to do it wrong and not a single way to get it right:(
I don't reccomend it. I love my boys but I feel so guilty about all the ways I have failed them:(
I could have coped with life without them I think. With them I sort of held my breath and forced myself to carry on. Now they are all adult I am falling apart, and not from any sort of empty nest syndrome. I feel shell shocked.
In the throws of it I thought I was doing a good job. I tried so hard. I never did anything for myself. I took them out, I even home educated them, well the two yougnest anyway, eldest is severely autisitc and had to go to boarding school when he was 14 as he was attacking all of us. That broke my heart. He is now the best off of all of us, happiest certainly. My youngest is aspie too and we have been a fantastic match but he should have had help that I couldn't get him cos I can't talk to people and now he has been turned down for Uni despite getting perfect marks in his Btec, whihc he took as he has dyspraxia and can't do written exams. He is going into frequent meltdowns and its all my fault:( And ms is miserable too, he is at Uni but is messing it up badly, not sleeping, getting into too much debt, not getting on with housemates, not getting work done, stressing and I can't even talk to him because I'm afraid of his temper and am phobic about phones and can't cope with driving anymore.
14 May 2013, 3:46 pm
