Help me how to say those first words

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FrankiDelano
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23 Jan 2013, 1:18 am

I have never asked out a girl before. This poses a problem as I am struggling to know a girl at school better. Ive been in love before but as far as I can tell no one has ever shared that same love. But I met this girl in my English class, and she is like no other girl I've ever met, I finally met someone with the same interest in uber-nerdom and gaming and she is also very beautiful. Every time I have tried to ask a girl out I choke up mainly cause I have no plan on what to say or do after I would ask. Some other problems are that we both live in two different towns that very far away from each other, I dont have a car, and we don't have any classes this semester. If I ever see her again and get the balls to ask here what should say, and do? And if she says yes then where the hell do I go since we both live in places that are miles apart!?



ruckus
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23 Jan 2013, 1:47 am

It might help you to know that there are plenty of nerdy girls out there so if things don't work out with this girl I'm sure you'll be able to find somebody else with mutual interests.

How far apart do you live, and is there any way you can meet up half way? Do you have her phone number or will you have to wait for a chance encounter?



Last edited by ruckus on 23 Jan 2013, 1:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

tronist
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23 Jan 2013, 1:54 am

FrankiDelano wrote:
I have never asked out a girl before. This poses a problem as I am struggling to know a girl at school better. Ive been in love before but as far as I can tell no one has ever shared that same love. But I met this girl in my English class, and she is like no other girl I've ever met, I finally met someone with the same interest in uber-nerdom and gaming and she is also very beautiful. Every time I have tried to ask a girl out I choke up mainly cause I have no plan on what to say or do after I would ask. Some other problems are that we both live in two different towns that very far away from each other, I dont have a car, and we don't have any classes this semester. If I ever see her again and get the balls to ask here what should say, and do? And if she says yes then where the hell do I go since we both live in places that are miles apart!?
frank it seems distance will be a great obstacle for the two of you, if things end up working out. personally, i think all long distance relationships are foolish, silly, and as many will tell you, they are basically guaranteed to fail in 99% of cases.

sounds like you need a car first. i think a lot of girls, probably safe to say 'most', will have 'having a car to drive around' as one of their requirements when looking for potential mates.

but you really like this girl right? so can you do something to get the transportation needed to be able to contribute to a long-distance relationship? i think its not being realistic to think that she'll like you enough in the little time you spend together to decide she wants to constantly drive to see you. having to drive a long time EVERY SINGLE TIME you want to hold the person you care about puts a lot of strain on a relationship.

i guess at the very least you could INSIST upon giving her gas money if it comes to that..

but im getting ahead of myself.

you want to know how to ask girls out. i think there are a few things you have to do first:

1.) make them feel comfortable around you.
2.) make them smile.
3.) make them laugh (a lot).
4.) break the touch barrier. come to think of it i should probably google / youtube effective ways to do this myself!
5.) research! use youtube and google to search 'how to ask out a girl'. you'll find a bunch of nonsense, but try to look for things that make sense from a logical standpoint. stay away from the shifty / manipulative 'methods' a lot of sleazy guys would tell you to use.
6.) BE CONFIDENT! if you arent confident, girls will see RIGHT THROUGH YOU EVERY TIME. seriously. they have a knack for it, and can probably detect a lack of self-confidence from a 100 feet radius.
7.) smile. if you are anything like me, you will need to practice this. just stand in front of a mirror, and work your smile for yourself till you find one that looks genuine, and makes you look more appealing.
8.) dress nicely, and smell good! personally, i have found that dress pants can set me apart from other guys, and make me look more distinguished in a crowd. i got some grey, kinda silvery dresspants with a nice white pinstripe and i got a compliment from FOUR DIFFERENT GIRLS!
9.) once you've done all of the above: the best way to do it is to just ask her! say something like 'would you like to go mini-golfing with me sometime?'. you dont need some masterful plan, just pick some place or something to do that puts you both in a situation where you are BOTH having fun TOGETHER. the cliche' 'dinner and a movie', in my opinion, is a horrendous endeavor because it lasts entirely too long. 'dinner' is bland, boring, and wont put you apart from other people. its the opposite of original haha.

and once you've got the girl, dont PRESSURE HER, and DONT SUFFOCATE HER. relationships need time to breathe in my opinion. if you are too eager, too desperate, too 'wanting', or too sure that shes 'the one' / 'zomg i love you' you will fail every time.

if you have a nice time, tell her that night, then call her back AT LEAST THREE DAYS LATER. if she cancels on you, and doesnt re-schedule it means she isnt interested. also keep that in mind!

good luck man! make sure if it doesnt work out you keep your head up, and keep looking. dont give up! you gotta constantly work at not only bettering yourself to be more appealing, but also work at being better at flirting, and talking to girls in general if you want to truly succeed at this! try to talk to people more, and get better people skills. put yourself in 'tougher' situations than you normally would in order to train your aspie brain to adapt to harder situations. thats what i did and its working out better and better i think.

be yourself. thats really important, too.



FrankiDelano
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23 Jan 2013, 1:55 am

We live about 30 minutes away it's a 45 min. to an hour drive from point A to point B. It would be very hard to meet up halfway since the bus in my town only has five hour gaps between each trip. I got her phone number in class our teacher had us exchange numbers in order to get missing assignments from each other, but I dont know how wierd that would be to just call her or text her out of the blue.



ruckus
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23 Jan 2013, 2:08 am

FrankiDelano wrote:
We live about 30 minutes away it's a 45 min. to an hour drive from point A to point B. It would be very hard to meet up halfway since the bus in my town only has five hour gaps between each trip. I got her phone number in class our teacher had us exchange numbers in order to get missing assignments from each other, but I dont know how wierd that would be to just call her or text her out of the blue.

You're right to be hesitant, that could be weird depending on where she feels your relationship stands, and she may not even remember that you have her number at all. Have you spoken with her much? You seem to know where she lives and what her interests are so I assume you've conversed at least a little bit. If that's the case, next time you see her around campus ask what she's been up to over the holidays and if she'd like to get together. This will work best if you have a solid plan, date and time in mind (I'll leave just what that is up to you as you know her more than I do, but something gaming related might be fun - is there an arcade in your area?). Try to leave the conversation having actually sorted out exactly when and where you will meet, and double check that you both have each other's numbers. The distance might really be a problem, so I suggest trying to meet up somewhere closer to her house than yours initially.

Of course, there is a chance she won't be interested. If she says something akin to "I'm really busy" then you could perhaps ask that she let you know when her schedule frees up, but it's probably safe to cut your losses and move on at that point.



tronist
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23 Jan 2013, 2:22 am

FrankiDelano wrote:
We live about 30 minutes away it's a 45 min. to an hour drive from point A to point B. It would be very hard to meet up halfway since the bus in my town only has five hour gaps between each trip. I got her phone number in class our teacher had us exchange numbers in order to get missing assignments from each other, but I dont know how wierd that would be to just call her or text her out of the blue.
assume that you have never received her number until SHE HERSELF has given it to you. delete it from your phone so you dont get into trouble using it to call her lol. if you two are having fun talking, laughing and all, just say something like 'hey, can i call you sometime?'. maybe dont call her right away after you got her number, but dont wait TOO LONG. wait at least 2 days before calling her i think.

a lot of being successful at this is GOING SLOW.



FrankiDelano
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23 Jan 2013, 10:26 am

That's the one the problems though going to slow was what messed my chances at asking out a girl. I either waited to long before I wanted to ask or they had a boyfriend before I wanted to know. Also on the previous post I meant to put 30 miles not minutes



ruckus
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23 Jan 2013, 6:50 pm

Yeah, I don't think you really need to adhere to the two-day rule, if she's interested in you it shouldn't matter when you call so long as it isn't immediately after you receive her number. You could call that night or the next day, whatever. The main thing is not to call or text her multiple times in a row without reciprocation, otherwise you may be perceived as too eager.