Not letting things go

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A number of people over the years have told me I am like a dog with a bone and I just can't let things go.

Also I worry a lot.

In fairness they were right.

How common is this among people with Aspergers or Autism?

Anxiety disorders are common with autistic individuals. In my case it is ocd and generalized anxiety disorder. I worry quite a bit about silly things and can relate to not being able to let it go, SSRI's have helped me thus far in cutting down the length of time I worry about something (Ruminating)

It's pretty common.

One of the biggest fights my boyfriend and I had was a couple of years ago. I didn't even suspect I was aspie at the time. We were traveling, at a convention (Defcon, a hacker convention), I was probably overstimulated, at a big party with lights and loud music and a giant ballroom full of people. He'd left me to watch his drink, and some guy just walked up, reached behind me, and stole the drink right off the table. I was appalled. I was livid. It didn't seem right. Roland got back and I felt really bad that I'd failed to protect his drink, and also that someone would be brazen enough to steal it.

So began the rant. I covered the entire range, including philosophy about how the hacker ethic ought to apply in that situation. He just wanted me to let it go and stop talking about it. My rant agitated him, which I failed to notice (because I thought he should be as morally outraged as I was, and because I still felt guilty for "failing" to protect his drink).

Then I suddenly felt tired and just wanted to leave. I dropped that subject, but I was still irritated about it, and I had irritated him by not letting it go in the first place. The fight started shortly thereafter, which included other issues, and it ended in me melting down pretty hardcore.

So yeah, it happens. In my case it was related to a common aspie trait - a strong sense of values and strong reactions when those values are broken either by oneself or someone else. Now that we know about it, hopefully we can prevent such disasters in the future.

Unless of course you're talking about not letting *worries* go, which it now seems like you are and the story I just told has nothing to do with that. :)

Yes, I have that problem, too. I solve it by trying to do the most I can to solve my worry, by taking action or learning what I need to know to feel better. If I can't do enough to help me feel better then I just trying to calm myself down by telling myself I've done all I can and it will be alright. It works a little, but sometimes not enough.

To your two replies jamgrrl I can totally identify with.

I have that strong right and wrong and fairness thing too.

SSRIs might be worth a try just to tone me down a bit.

Once I get my diagnosis, I'm going to ask about getting the type of anti-anxiety meds that I can take only as needed. On days when I'm feeling particularly anxious and more likely to meltdown. I don't want to be on them everyday though, and I'll go weeks at a time without any problems.

Yes I agree I would not like to be on them all the time either.

Dreycrux I will admit it I had to look that word up.

I have anxiety and OCD. Medication has cured me of OCD and panic attacks. Unfortunately, my medications haven't fixed my worrying or the fact that I can't let things go. I've found that you have to make a conscious effort to change your mindset when it comes to worrying and not letting things go. You have to ask yourself, "Is this really worth worrying about, or am I just creating problems where none exist?" (I'm not saying that that's what you do; but my brother has told me that that's what I do, and so I have been making an effort to change.)

I believe it means your "caudate" is "sticky". You have to click the thought forwards from the ofc to let go.

The balance between holding on and letting go is one of the first things a child is supposed to learn about life. The balance between holding on and letting go of the emotion shame is part of the second stage of child development and one of the most important things that are learnt (or not) in life. As with all things emotional, it’s usually learnt from the mother. If your mother didn’t have that skill, then you would never learn it, I for one didn’t until late

Oh yeah; I don't let things go easily, especially if it's something that bothered or upset me. But I can become just as fixated on good news too. I worry way too much as well.

There have been times when i was younger when i haven't let things go and have either led to a fight or throwing fists.

Now in my old age i end up letting a lot go. Also i tend to avoid situations that could get me in trouble.

Sometimes someone will do something that really irks me to no end and it's always something that is related to my morals.
Say for example, some whitetrash down the road killed a dog for no reason. The dog would have never hurt anyone and someone was watching him after the original owner passed. When i heard the story i dang near flipped my sheet.
There is no excuse for humans to hurt animals, especially do to their sadist human needs.
Whenever someone hurts an animal and i hear about then i will never forget who did what and won't let that go.

(I have nothing against hunters who don't waste) Only sadists who hurt animals.

Jamgrrl, that guy had some nerve taking your boyfriends drink. I'd have been upset and probably yelled at the guy that the drink is taken.
Yet i understand you gf not wanting to stir up anything.

Started taking a small daily dosage of Zoloft a few weeks ago and it has helped immensly. What I'm starting to dawn on me though is that it's not so much a remedy for your issues but an alteration of your mindset.

Your issues are your issues and can only be solved by you. The SSRI really just helps put you in a mindset that might be better at dealing with those issues.

Same - like a dog with a bone.
Just learnt there is medication to control this - probably has helped me lose my current relationship. Wish i found these meds earlier

If people would just admit that I'm right, there would be no problem.