What can you do if a man rejects you because you have autism

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Anomiel
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31 Jan 2013, 6:27 pm

Kezzstar wrote:
A lot of people I notice are labelling people "shallow" because they break up with someone who is autistic. Frankly, I commend them, if my ex (or myself) had done it earlier we could have saved ourselves a lot of time and pain.

Incompatibility is no ones fault.


Incompatibility is totally ok. Knowing that you could never date a neurotypical person, or an autistic person, or a politician, or a sportsfan or whatever else is ok. Being on the receiving end of that is totally ok too.
Saying to someone "Uggh you suck! But if you changed your whole personality for me I would be interested. Here's the list of what I think is wrong with you that you didn't ask for. What was that? Of course you can change that and should totally want to!" is not ok. Being cruel about it is not ok. He decides who he wants to date (as long as the other person agrees) - he does not get to demand changes of the personality of someone thus setting up a weird power dynamic. It is obviously very distressing for her. I wouldn't label him shallow, just a bit cruel, not very good socially ironically enough, and not fit to have a relationship with the OP. He could have handled it better even if he still thought exactly the same things he said to her.

As for her having "flaws" or not that is not actually the matter. I think the only flaw here is maybe her being a bit naive and keeping contact with a person that thinks she should change her whole f*****g personality. How good friend is that?



Last edited by Anomiel on 31 Jan 2013, 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DialAForAwesome
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31 Jan 2013, 6:38 pm

Agreed with Anomiel.

Guy's not worth your time, Susan.


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IlovemyAspie
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31 Jan 2013, 7:27 pm

Schneekugel wrote:
its about meeting a guy you want to share your life with, which means he would expect you to be every day of the rest of your life the non existing person you showed him. What benefit do you have from an relationship, which only gives you the misadvantage of being forced to act all day, and that gives no advantage to the person you are?


Did this for 15+ years. It doesn't work, trust me. In the middle of a divorce so that I can find someone that wont require me to pretend to be someone else.