What can you do if a man rejects you because you have autism

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I agree with this as well. There's nothing wrong saying you don't want to date someone because of something you can't deal with. I think when it comes to things like Autism we can get a little sensitive. But it's just like anything else really. And just like anything else there will be someone who isn't bothered by it.

I am going through a similar situation with someone I care deeply for. After our last argument, where he once again shared having these feelings, I have started to think that it may not be possible for us to have a relationship beyond friendship. He recognizes that I am not like others, but he is very upset that I cannot conform. He says he does not have the energy to work through things, and that he says that having a relationship with me is just too much work.

Unfortunately, if he is not able or willing to meet me halfway, he will always feel like I'm not trying and be upset and frustrated that I'm not "normal." I think that is a terrible waste of something that could be amazing, but you cannot make someone be what they are not, just like they cannot make you be what they want.

I hope that you can work through things, but don't be too hard on yourself if you cannot come to a mutual place of agreement.

Well, I'll give all of you permission to consider the following story humorous and laugh, even though at the time it was not funny.

Until about a year and a half ago, I simply knew that most people considered me "different" and I felt socially distant. Some friends had commented that they thought I had characteristics of something called "Asperger's syndrome." But, I didn't take it seriously and I don't think they meant it in a very serious way. However, a girlfriend who had become exasperated with me made the accusation, and it was an angry accusation, "I think you have Asperger's! You better get checked for Asperger's!" And then, she walked out of my house slamming the door as she made her exit. So, I headed to the computer and did a quick search of the Internet. I soon realized that I do have autistic characteristics and was shocked to find how many people are just like me. Well, not just like me, but were all in the same bucket called the "autism spectrum."

All of my relationships, to the best of my knowledge, have been with neurotypical women. In general they ranged from a girlfriend perceiving me as something like "an insensitive jerk" to seeing me as a really nice, smart guy who just wasn't the right guy. So far, I haven't dated an autistic woman yet. My best guess is it will turn out one of two ways: 1) The mutual autistic characteristics and understanding of artistic life will provide the foundation for really great bonded relationship; or 2) The dual autism will be a doubly distant gap that is almost impossible to reach over. This may sound strange, but I'm actually looking forward to having an autistic girlfriend.

I would say you're much better off without him. Im sorry it hurts but he failed to accept you for who and what you are and instead wanted you to change into his mold of what 'his girl' should be.

is that some form of OCD?

I can relate, except I'm a guy, and it's women who reject me for having Aspergers.

It is really hurtful, I know.

I dont know how old are you, but it really helped me a lot to make myself free of the social pressure to have a relationships.

With me it was the same. Most men want you not to speak yourself, but to admire them, when they speak. They are not interested in you lecturing about something scientific, instead they want you as a status symbol to raise their self esteem.

I dont want to say, that these men are bad people, because they are themselfs unaware of it. But there are roles in our society, that we expect the other to fulfill, and if not its irritating them. That can be really small things, but even with small things you can fill a giant cruiser, you just need enough of them.

After some tries of relationships, I was done and I gave up. I accepted, that I wasnt able to fulfill the role and expectations most men had to their female partner and that for me having a classic relationship was not a good thing. Lots of misadvantages, exhausted beyond because of the effort to fulfill the role you are expected to play at least as much as possible, still always failing, leading to hurting the person you like, and also leading to sadness because the person you like cannot understand you in any way and thinks the worst things of you. (I was diagnosed years later, so I just knew that I was failing all the time, anyway how much I tried.)

When I decided to let go of that stuff, I had some really good years afterwards after accepting me they way I was, allowing me to be the way I was, and stop ignoring the deeds I had.

Funniest thing: Some years afterwards, when I didnt even waste a thought on that anymore, and accepted that I was insufficient, a close friend of mine told me to have an interest in me. ^^ The surprise for me was, guys that knew me never had an interest in me before, simply because they knew me. That did not mean they did not like me, so I had lots of male friends I spent lots of time with because of the same hobbies, but because of knowing me that close they knew the more, that I was never fitting for them as relationship partner. Only guys that did not knew me ever, showed interest in me, until they knew me. -.- So I still had my physical deeds, I fully accepted and I offered one a "friends with benefit" things as I thought. So he knew me, so I thought that it would have been clear for him, that I had no interest in that relationship stuff. Next day he called, completely happy, telling me, that he would have never have hoped of me giving in to an relationship with him, and that he is so happy, and that he did not dare of telling me, that he likes me so much, because he thought I wouldnt give him anyway a chance and so on... And I thought to myself "Oh, s**t." ^^ because he was so happy, and I really did like him as a friend, so I did not want to tell him, that it was only an misunderstanding and that I never was interested in an relationship with him, because of not wanting to have an relationship anyway. But I knew how much he would have been hurt by that, so I thought: "Ok, it wont last anyway, so give it a try, better let him see by himself that this wont work, instead of me hurting him so badly. After lots of efforts and trying from my side, with tears and the realization that I am insufficient for having an relationship and even if I try as hard as I can, I will not be able to even reach the minimum limit of the needed effort. He will blame me for not loving him in any way, I will cry because of really loving him and still hurting him by being unable to show it ho him in a way society expects and my partner could see and so on...." So I expected the same as happened before, that men at the moment you are in an relationship with them expect me to be another person, get loosed of my interests from one moment of the other, and changing to another person for them. Did not happen. He wanted me to be the person I was, the person he could match at computer games, the person he could talk about hours about some game statistics, the person everyone else rejected and so on.

Still its no classic relationship. Having similar interests and hobbies is a must have for me. It is not needed for my luck, but for the luck of my partner. So normally in relationships it is expected from women to find interest in the partners deeds and liking, to be interested into what the partner tells you. But I can love a person as much as I can, but if hes interests are not matching mine, they are just boring. And that hurts the opposite.

So from my oppinion, accept the rejection. If you two dont fit together they way you are, be happy that you spared yourself the useless try. An relationship with someone, who is not happy with you the way you are, has no use at all. So he will not be happy, you will not be happy, no use having a relationship. Sure, you can try to act the way, the opposite wants you. This may be ok for a family meeting once a week for a few hours, to avoid discussions but in an relationship you would have to act 24 hours a day to be another person that is happy doing things, that doesnt make you happy and ignoring your deeds to do the things and act the way that really makes you happy instead. And for the opposite its the same. If an NT-man has the need of an NT-woman, there is no use to ignore that, he will just get sad.

But because of the autism problem, meeting a person with comparable deeds is extremly random. So I would let go of it, and concentrate on yourself. Follow your interest, have some fun and have a good life. If you maybe meet someone in your life by accident: Cool. A friend of mine, also very introverted and social shy, with strong needs in her interests, also found her luck with an paid good quality relationship homepage, but she was completely honest in her own profile about herself, so the 99% of men, that wouldnt be interested in her at all, had the chance to sort themselfs out by their own. And now she really is since one year in an happy relationship, with 38. So I wouldnt focus on that, because from my oppinion there is only such a small chance. So most of my hobbies and interests are of a kind that attracts men more then women, so I knew lots of men in all that years as normal friends. And from all of them (and lots of them were singles and really had a deed for an relationship ^^) still only one of the persons that knew me, thought that having an relationship with me would make him happy.

So dont focus on that from my side. Maybe dont ignore it completely the way I decided but as center of your life, focus on yourself, on being happy just they way you are. If you manage to do this, having an relationship may add some comfort to you life, but having none wont ruin it.

If someone has rejected you-then theyve rejected you. There is nothing you can do about it.

Doesnt matter why.

What to do in the future is what to figure out.

You have two choices: find a guy who tolerates your eccentricities, or eliminate your eccentries.

Probably should do a lttle bit of both.

I'm a software engineer and I know a lot of men who are technologists. Most of us strongly prefer a smart woman who is knowledgeable in many subjects and has well-thought opinions. Personally, I don't know what to do with a purely cosmetic woman. And, a woman who is simply eye candy has no idea what to do with me.



For me, autism comes with some challenges and characteristics, but I wouldn't give up the upside for anything. My guess is that you are actually very interesting girl, but the autistic characteristics are what's getting in the way. I have an expressionless face and what people call the classic "robotic voice." So, I could yell "fire!" in a crowded theater and nobody would leave.

The more time I spend on these discussion boards, the more I am convinced that people, especially women, falsely attribute the effects of their autism and the related socialization issues to other characteristics. I'm not trying to rub autism in anybody's face, but I read too many women agonizing over their mentality, their physical appearance, or the fundamentals of their character when they are nice attractive women. Also, they project the general relationship issues as innate characteristics of men. From my life experience, both men and women can be equally cruel and grading to someone who is autistic. Be careful of expanding the effective scope of your autism.

While it may not be your intent, I think your perspective and experience supports the notion that autistics are much better off with other autistics. More and more, I am convinced that the probabilities of a long-term happy relationship with the neurotypical person are extremely low. I know some people are successful, but I think there are also extremely lucky.

Dont feel too bad it happens to us aspie men too! When it comes to women.

What can you do? Be happy you dodged a bullet. If he can't accept who you are, there's not much of a relationship there.

how much do you know about yourself?

I'd reject them....I wouldn't care if I had a friend who I was intrested in more than a friend but they weren't I'd still just stay friends if they wanted. However, if it was specifically because I have AS or any of the other mental conditions then I don't think I'd even want to remain acquaintances with them.

You can work on your flaws is all like not talk so much about your interests or not talk at someone. Having autism doesn't mean you can't work on your flaws.

About the guy that rejected you, his loss, move on. There are other fish in the sea.

Its not about being unable to work to get "a" men. Its about an relationships, that means finding a partner, to have a partnership thats benefits both.

Sure she can just shut up the whole evening, get some sexy stuff to wear, adore him the whole evening, laugh at everything he says, agree with everything he says..... and you may have a good chance, at the end of the evening to have met a guy, that is interested to having an relationship with the nonexisting person you acted as the whole evening. Giving you the chance not only to waste one evening by doing things you are not interested in, but to much more evenings doing things you are not interested in and hiding the personality you really are.

To do so is ok, for meeting the parents in law once a month. For the sake of good you are sacrificing an evening, so they are happy and ok. But when its about meeting a guy you want to have an relationship with, its about meeting a guy you want to share your life with, which means he would expect you to be every day of the rest of your life the non existing person you showed him. What benefit do you have from an relationship, which only gives you the misadvantage of being forced to act all day, and that gives no advantage to the person you are?

My husband gets tired of hearing about my obsessions so we aren't in the same room. We like it that way. But yet I don't talk to people much and I am fine with it. Just something I worked at. I can talk about anything that interests me or I find something to say.

Hell I wouldn't want to listen to someone talk about sports and that is all they ever talk about. if that person expects me to listen to them yap about it, I guess I am not for them then and they can go find another woman who will let them talk at them.