I'm absolutely terrified of being considered creepy.

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MountainLaurel
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13 Feb 2013, 9:51 pm

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The problem letting girls I meet the normal way be good friends is that those are the girls I'm often most attracted to

While it seems to be axiomatic on this site that getting friend-zoned is the kiss of death...........
I disagree.

Many very sexy couples started as friends.



itzybitzyspyder
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14 Feb 2013, 2:37 am

I use observational humor to breach the subject before they can even formulate that 'creepy guy' image in their mind. NTs love labels and if you beat them to the punch and say something like,"I'm not a creep, I'm a weirdo. There is a difference." If your guts says they think you are creepy then they probably do. Acknowledging that you know what they have on their mind makes them see you as sensitive to their emotions/needs. Instead of looking down when you break eye contact, go for the bashful farmboy routine: smile, look to the left OR right and move your hand from the back of your head to the back of your neck. This is the best time ever to be socially awkward because girls are loving it. My problem is that I blurt out the wrong thing sometimes and it's over before it starts, but I do have a couple routines that I use to at least get to what I call social 3rd base. Another good trick is to be a buffer between her and a different creepy guy. Honestly, I need 1 or two beers to even be on the field. I hope this helps a little bit. Also, if you make eye contact with a girl across the room smile and look away, but then look back a second later. If she's still looking go up to her and say hi and ask her name. You might need a wingman, NT or AS. Being a 'rogue lion' often makes an established peer group 'circle the wagons', but a couple of guys laughing and having a good time doesn't set off any warning bells. In addition, when you get shot down going back to your buddy and laughing it off is much cooler than sulking off and sitting alone. Wearing a clever t-shirt that an NT would get helps break the ice.



MCalavera
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14 Feb 2013, 3:37 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
The problem letting girls I meet the normal way be good friends is that those are the girls I'm often most attracted to

While it seems to be axiomatic on this site that getting friend-zoned is the kiss of death...........
I disagree.

Many very sexy couples started as friends.


Most likely friends with mutual interest in each other.

That is not typically considered the Friend Zone.



MDD123
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14 Feb 2013, 11:48 am

I've been called creepy by several people over the years, several people have mentioned me looking like a serial killer. I honest to god wonder what kind of look I'm giving these people to give them the impression.

You'll likely get a creep label if you don't talk much, problem is, I don't have anything worthwhile to contribute to the conversation and talking when you don't have anything good to say makes you obnoxious (know that the hard way).

On the other hand, if you interact with these people over the long term, they generally accept you as long as you don't do anything too abnormal. People tell me that they didn't like me at first because I was creepy or stuck up, but over the months found I was shy and goofy instead.

My friend wore only black and metal, had horrible body odor / breath, he'd get all energized and stare at any girl he found attractive (like freggly from diary of a wimpy kid), and occasionally talked about his sister's boobs. He stayed creepy, even though he's 10x more outgoing than me, women talk to me first to tell me he's creepy.


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14 Feb 2013, 2:31 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
The problem letting girls I meet the normal way be good friends is that those are the girls I'm often most attracted to

While it seems to be axiomatic on this site that getting friend-zoned is the kiss of death...........
I disagree.

Many very sexy couples started as friends.


I think this may be axiomatic here because in the opportunity to transition from friends to a couple is far far more subtle than the opportunity to transition from strangers to couple. This means aspies are very unlikely to pick up on the opportunity if it occurs.


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14 Feb 2013, 2:43 pm

itzybitzyspyder wrote:
I use observational humor to breach the subject before they can even formulate that 'creepy guy' image in their mind. NTs love labels and if you beat them to the punch and say something like,"I'm not a creep, I'm a weirdo. There is a difference." If your guts says they think you are creepy then they probably do. Acknowledging that you know what they have on their mind makes them see you as sensitive to their emotions/needs. Instead of looking down when you break eye contact, go for the bashful farmboy routine: smile, look to the left OR right and move your hand from the back of your head to the back of your neck. This is the best time ever to be socially awkward because girls are loving it. My problem is that I blurt out the wrong thing sometimes and it's over before it starts, but I do have a couple routines that I use to at least get to what I call social 3rd base. Another good trick is to be a buffer between her and a different creepy guy. Honestly, I need 1 or two beers to even be on the field. I hope this helps a little bit. Also, if you make eye contact with a girl across the room smile and look away, but then look back a second later. If she's still looking go up to her and say hi and ask her name. You might need a wingman, NT or AS. Being a 'rogue lion' often makes an established peer group 'circle the wagons', but a couple of guys laughing and having a good time doesn't set off any warning bells. In addition, when you get shot down going back to your buddy and laughing it off is much cooler than sulking off and sitting alone. Wearing a clever t-shirt that an NT would get helps break the ice.
^^^All great advice here. Listen to this man.



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15 Feb 2013, 3:50 am

itzybitzyspyder wrote:
I use observational humor to breach the subject before they can even formulate that 'creepy guy' image in their mind. NTs love labels and if you beat them to the punch and say something like,"I'm not a creep, I'm a weirdo. There is a difference." If your guts says they think you are creepy then they probably do. Acknowledging that you know what they have on their mind makes them see you as sensitive to their emotions/needs. Instead of looking down when you break eye contact, go for the bashful farmboy routine: smile, look to the left OR right and move your hand from the back of your head to the back of your neck. This is the best time ever to be socially awkward because girls are loving it. My problem is that I blurt out the wrong thing sometimes and it's over before it starts, but I do have a couple routines that I use to at least get to what I call social 3rd base. Another good trick is to be a buffer between her and a different creepy guy. Honestly, I need 1 or two beers to even be on the field. I hope this helps a little bit. Also, if you make eye contact with a girl across the room smile and look away, but then look back a second later. If she's still looking go up to her and say hi and ask her name. You might need a wingman, NT or AS. Being a 'rogue lion' often makes an established peer group 'circle the wagons', but a couple of guys laughing and having a good time doesn't set off any warning bells. In addition, when you get shot down going back to your buddy and laughing it off is much cooler than sulking off and sitting alone. Wearing a clever t-shirt that an NT would get helps break the ice.


I'm not a creep... I'm a weirdo! I've been trying this for YEARS and it only gets me f*****g friendzoned. I'm also naturally the "bashful farmboy" you describe, because I actually AM a bashful farmboy. One of my best guy friends also uses this, because he actually is also a bashful farmboy, and it somehow works for him... I don't get it. I'm WONDERFUL at getting to "social 3rd base". I get girls to open up to me and tell me their problems ALL THE TIME, but they never seem to want anything to do with me sexually. I don't get it... I take care of myself, I s**t, shower, and shave every day, I wear nice clothes, I'm an athlete, I'm a friendly guy... what more do they want? I just don't know if I'll EVER understand... my roommate has tried to explain to me what she finds attractive in her boyfriend... she says he's got "swagger"... well, what the f**k does that mean? Is that what all girls like?


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Pabalebo
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15 Feb 2013, 4:13 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
The problem letting girls I meet the normal way be good friends is that those are the girls I'm often most attracted to

While it seems to be axiomatic on this site that getting friend-zoned is the kiss of death...........
I disagree.

Many very sexy couples started as friends.


I know of many very sexy couples that started as friends WITH BENEFITS... however, most of my female friends treat me very similarly to the way my male friends treat me...


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15 Feb 2013, 4:17 am

I dont know... maybe I'm just being really negative right now because I'm really really f*****g drunk. I know it doesn't seem liek I am... I honestly have no idea how I'm typing this clearly... maybe my tolerance Is improving... another bad sign... this is not a good pattern at all...


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Pabalebo
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15 Feb 2013, 4:23 am

Also, I'm absolutely POSITIVE I'm considered gay by most people... there's no way anyone who hangs out with, yet doesn't bang, as many chicks as I do could possibly be generally considered straight. I know plenty of other guys in similar situations to me that I believe are gay, as do most people I know...


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Geekonychus
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15 Feb 2013, 9:51 am

Nothing wrong with having platonic female friends............



Pabalebo
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17 Feb 2013, 3:26 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Nothing wrong with having platonic female friends............


I agree. I'm glad to have my platonic female friends. They are wonderful people. I just wish I had the inherent knowledge of how to go further that most NTs seem to have...


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Last edited by Pabalebo on 17 Feb 2013, 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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17 Feb 2013, 9:33 am

Pabalebo wrote:
I just wish I had the inherent knowledge of how to go further than most NTs seem to have...


Your problem might be that you are just being friendly and not showing sexual interest properly. If you don't do that, if you don't show that you have a sexual side and that you are a man, that will turn women off.



Pabalebo
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17 Feb 2013, 1:29 pm

Tequila wrote:
Pabalebo wrote:
I just wish I had the inherent knowledge of how to go further than most NTs seem to have...


Your problem might be that you are just being friendly and not showing sexual interest properly. If you don't do that, if you don't show that you have a sexual side and that you are a man, that will turn women off.


...which brings the discussion full circle to the original topic of how to do that PROPERLY, and without being creepy...


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17 Feb 2013, 3:34 pm

Pabalebo wrote:
...which brings the discussion full circle to the original topic of how to do that PROPERLY, and without being creepy...


Have you thought of making subtle hint (that could possibly be taken as sexual in tone, but you could plausibly deny is not) and gestures? Basically, you need to learn how to flirt with women on a theory of escalation and reciprocation. If the woman doesn't reciprocate, back off. If you see interest, slowly ratchet it up depending on how intense the interest is from here. But you do need to start doing this. Oh, and if you haven't already got one, develop a sense of humour. A lot of it is about reading the other person, I think, and responding to that.

(In other words: do some research online.)



MountainLaurel
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17 Feb 2013, 5:17 pm

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...which brings the discussion full circle to the original topic of how to do that PROPERLY, and without being creepy...

Pab, should we start charging you? This brilliant thread you started....when?.......in January; three weeks ago, has yielded insight. Does the sentence above strike you as pinpointing the issue, or had you nailed it down when you first posted?

One of the many tools in one of my therapists' box is role playing. I never enjoyed it much, but for appropriate problems it can be very effective.

PS: :oops: By role playing I am not referring to surrogate sex. (At least not in my case).