Dating sites: how to message people

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Things that have worked me.

Don't focus on one potential love interest in the beginning, message at least 5 people you find interesting physically or emotional. This will give a chance to work out what you like and what works for you.

Start with very fact-less and impersonal messages. e.g hey, how are you ? If they the user you've connected is friendly or interested they will respond. This basically the small talk phase. In these few message, keep it general. Talk about work, school or hobbies you've participated in recently. EG "School was good today. Are you studying at the moment." If they start asking detailed question, you can start opening up about that topic.

Hopefully in time you'll find you're connecting more on the general topics. Now you should talk about more personal things like their family, for example. If they mention something you find interests you, start talking about that topic first. I find talking about things they're said on their profile help here too but only after you've mored on from the general small talk.


At this point I would formally introduce myself, I find this works best after you've started to connect with those who have replied.

After this, begin to hint you are attracted to the user, of course ONLY do this if you are ACTUALLY interested and are seriously thinking of dating this person. No one likes a liar!

If you feel things are going well its time to hint at a date and/or date ideas. Things may have already come up in conversation, so work from the things you know already. From my personal recent experience I went to see the Hobbit with a date because both wanted to see it. We had a brilliant time

Depending on the level of your aspie-ness you might want to arrange the details of the date over the phone. This gives a chance to get used the person you'll be dating and you can have a chat too. By now you should lots to chat about Importantly a live vocal conversation helps builds trust too.


This isn't a pick up guide, this is guide to help you get past the awkward part at the beginning. The rest is up to you and your love interest. It'll give you a framework to find things to connect on.

Good luck.

Ok, so how do you message people with skimpy profiles who have nice photos? It's rare I find someone with whom I have something in common even on complete profiles. I'm sure I probably do. It's just not on their photos. The only thing I really have to go on is "am I attracted or not?" I'm not terribly picky and actually avoid classic "hot girls." But, without something in common, it still doesn't work well.

A lot of women on POF don't put much up on their profiles and say something like "If you want to know something about me, ask." Lol, f**k. What's that supposed to mean?

I've actually had some interest, despite not looking like George Clooney and actually revealing some details about myself on my profile. I'm talking to a nice girl and have messaged a couple of others who I had a lot in common with.

Or use trolling




The context in her profile was:
"I am awfully greedy, I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good music, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish ... You see, it is difficult to get all what which I want. And then when I don't succeed I get mad with anger."

Sometimes it works.....but I only use it on people I am not intending to date.